Read here the full transcript of author Janice Burt’s talk titled “One Fear Per Year: A Personal Growth Hack That Changes Everything” at TEDxFolsom 2024 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
The Power of Facing Fear
Fear is the worst four-letter word I know, and trust me, I know a lot of four-letter words. The fear that I’m talking about is the kind that keeps us playing small in life. It’s the fear that holds us back from truly creating the life of our dreams. It’s fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of criticism and judgment, the fear of not being good enough.
And the interesting thing is every single human being that walks this planet Earth deals with fear. It doesn’t matter if you’re wandering the streets without a place to call home or you live in a mansion overlooking the ocean. Everyone is impacted by the destructive consequences of fear. Like I said, fear is the worst four-letter word I know.
My Rock Bottom Moment
And I know this because one day I found myself curled up in the fetal position, sobbing my eyes out. I was going through a divorce, my 14-year marriage had ended, I didn’t know what I was going to do for work, my heart felt like it was shattered into a million little pieces, and I had two young, beautifully amazing children that I had to care for.
I would say I was definitely at my rock bottom moment. But maybe you have experienced a moment in your life where you have felt like your entire world has just flipped on its head, and where everything that you thought your life was going to be or look like was gone, was no more, and you were just in this broken place.
Well, that’s where I was, curled up in the fetal position, and this is how I felt inside: unworthy, insecure, lacking all kinds of confidence, a pro-people pleaser, but the biggest thing that I became aware of was the fear.
The fear that controlled pretty much every decision that I made. And I thought, “Well, Janice, you’re really good at blaming other people, yay you, but you’re still miserable.”
What about if you show up in life in a different way? What about if you change? And that’s when I made the vow. I vowed that I would do one thing every year that really scared me, that pulled me straight out of my comfort zone.
One Fear Per Year
One fear per year. Now if you’re anything like me, when you try to implement something new, it can be really overwhelming and you’ll do it for a little bit and then you’re like, “Ah, forget that.” But I was like, I have 365 days to do one thing to prove to myself that I am more powerful than my fears. Ooh, it’s been 12 years since that day and I have this list of 12 different things I’ve done, things where I have faced some of my deepest fears, things like running a marathon because I had this huge fear of failure around it.
I really thought that that was an impossible thing to do. Things like self-publishing a memoir because there were some family secrets that I felt were poison to my soul and I needed to express them. But I had this fear that my family might abandon me, reject me, be disappointed in me. And then one year I decided, you know what, I’m going to learn how to sit in stillness and meditate because I have this fear of coming face to face with my emotional pain, my wounds.
And then one year I did this little thing maybe you’ve heard of, it’s called stand-up comedy. The fear of rejection is real with this one because they’re either laughing or they’re not. I really thought this was going to be the most challenging one, but it turns out nothing is quite as terrifying as standing on a stage wearing high heels and a sequined bikini at 42 years old next to women who are half my age, my stretch marks and my cellulite exposed for the world to see. And I don’t just think they’re judging me, no, they actually hire people to like sit right here and judge you.
Transformation Through Facing Fear
But I will tell you something. I am a completely different woman standing up on this stage before you today than that woman who was curled up in the fetal position. And I tell you my story because I want you to know in the bottom of your soul, if you feel hopelessly trapped and strangled by fear, there is hope. And you absolutely can create a life that you love, a life that you are so proud of.
And the good news is you don’t even have to just take my word for it. I found out a few years ago about this treatment, a therapy that’s offered, so there actually is scientific backing for this, it’s called exposure therapy. And it is pretty much what it sounds like, it exposes you to your fears so you can actually walk through them. And research shows that between 60 to 90% of people who have participated in exposure therapy, with the help of a therapist, have had either complete eradication of their symptoms or their symptoms have been so much improved by undergoing that therapy.
So like I said, don’t just take my word for it, it is an effective way to lean into your fears, to walk through them. And many people believe that avoiding fears at all costs will bring them peace and happiness. I used to be one of them. But actually the opposite is true.
When we avoid our fears, we might feel like a tiny bit more comfortable in that moment, but the fear just gets worse and worse, it becomes more debilitating, more of a prison, and it absolutely will change the course of your life. Whereas, if you walk through fear, if you look it in its eyeballs and you just say, “Bring it,” and you do the thing, you will enhance your confidence, it will create more empathy within you for other people, and you will have some really fun, adventurous, cool stories to tell all of your friends.
Now you might be thinking, “Well, Janice, that sounds really nice and everything, but how? How exactly do I go about doing this?”
And because I’ve been doing this for 12 years, a few years ago I came up with this simple but effective formula that helps me stay on the path. So I wanted to share that with you. It’s called the ACA formula. It stands for Awareness, Choice, and Action.
Awareness is simply knowing, consciously knowing what your fears are. It’s identifying those fears and bringing them up into your conscious mind through self-reflection, deep introspection. Many people have a fear of public speaking, but is it really the fear of public speaking? Or is it a fear of failure, a fear of messing up, a fear of forgetting our lines, a fear of judgment, what are people going to think, a fear of criticism?
It’s probably more those things. So really dissecting what is it that you are scared of and bring it into your conscious mind, because awareness changes everything. The next letter in our ACA formula stands for choice. I read this statistic that blew my mind.
It said the average adult makes 34,000 choices per day. Woo! You chose to wake up this morning, you chose what to wear, you chose to be here today. Making the intentional choice to walk through your fears is no different.
It’s a choice that you make, and you make it non-negotiable and you trust that what is right on the other side of your fears is where peace and love and freedom reside. And as part of that choice, you get to pick an activity that you are going to do in that particular year. You’re probably going to have some intuitive feeling about it, but just some suggestions. Maybe it could be having a hard conversation with a loved one.
Maybe it’s a test that you’ve been putting off. Maybe it’s asking for a raise, learning a new sport, traveling alone. The sky’s the limit, but you get to pick your activity for that year. And lastly is the A for action, and it’s actually my personal favorite.
It’s where the rubber meets the road and you actually get to do this thing that you’re scared of. You’re going to mark your calendar, it’s going to be right there on the calendar, and then you will start preparing for the activity. But here’s the key, preparation without perfectionism. So many times we get stuck preparing for something, but we feel like we want to make it look exactly perfectly.
You want to prepare, but the win is walking through fear. The outcome becomes secondary, even irrelevant. So we are going to do that, and lastly, the most important thing is find your people. Find a mentor, a friend, a coach, a group of people.
I have never done one single thing in these last 12 years by myself. There’s always been someone beside me holding my hand. Do you really think that I am going to wake up at 6 a.m. to do the practice runs on the river when we’re training for the marathons by myself?
It’s probably not going to happen, but I had a group of people waiting for me to encourage me, to teach me about pace and nutrition. As you walk through your fears, you will find your group of people there to support you, to guide you along.
The Impact of Facing Fear
Walking through fear is amazing as far as your own individual personal transformation, but the best, the best part about walking through fear is the impact, the difference that you will make in this world. You will leave your mark here.
You’ll make a dent in the universe. A few years ago, I thought, you know, I’m going to publish a how-to book on how to kick the people-pleasing habit, because I had some success in that. But as soon as I’m going to put it out on Amazon, all the fears, you don’t have a PhD, you didn’t edit it enough, not enough actionable takeaways, fear, fear, fear, but I put it out anyway. And a few months later, I get this message on Instagram from a complete stranger, and it just said, “Thank you for this book. I feel seen. I feel like there’s hope. Thank you.”
As you walk through your fear, you will create a ripple effect. You will impact those around you. It will be a beautiful, amazing thing.
Conclusion: Reimagine Your Relationship with Fear
So what if you reimagined your relationship with fear? What if instead of avoiding it at all costs, you leaned into that sucker?
You walked through, and you come out on the other side with a life that you are so proud of. Do you know what my fear this year is? Yep, the red dot. But I just invite you to join me on this journey, this one fear per year journey.
Gain the awareness of what is holding you back. What are you scared of? And then make the intentional choice to walk through it. And together, we will not just transform ourselves. We will change our communities, this country, and ultimately, the world.
