Here is the transcript and summary of Emily Jaenson’s talk titled “Six Behaviors To Increase Your Confidence” at TEDxReno conference.
In this TEDx talk, Emily Jaenson shares six behaviors that can help others boost their confidence. The speaker shares stories and examples to illustrate these behaviors, which include counting oneself in, giving yourself 20 seconds of courage, taking a seat at the table, cheering for other people’s success, using past successes to bolster confidence, and celebrating achievements.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
When I was in high school, my mom asked me to order a pizza for the family on a Friday night. I looked up the phone number in the phone book and promptly handed the phone to my older brother to place the call. I was too shy to talk to a stranger.
Fast forward to college at the University of Illinois, my first time away from my small town. I spent the first several weeks crying in my dorm room, too homesick to partake in early freshman partying. The one frat party I did attend was so disappointing, I wanted to trade in my books, abandon my major and head back home to my small town.
The confident behaviors I needed to pursue this dream were not yet available, and when I looked around at the confident students walking around me around campus, heads held high, pursuing a dream that they had set out to achieve, I wanted that kind of confidence too. But my behaviors did not align with these confident attitudes.
Crying in my dorm room, shying away from social engagement, not showing up for class because I was worried others were smarter than me, these were not going to lead me to achieve my goal, so all I knew is that I needed to change.
Research tells us that in order to get people to change, you need to not start with the attitudes, but with the behaviors associated with those attitudes. When people can see themselves behaving differently, they then begin to act differently. So the questions for me were, who am I, who do I want to become, and how does this person I want to become behave?
The answers were that I wanted a successful career, one that meant something, allowed me to contribute, and for me, that was defined as a career as a sports executive. In order to achieve this goal, I needed to begin to act more confidently. And I did, because 13 years later, I became the first female general manager of a Triple A baseball team in nearly 20 years. Thank you.
I also went on to host the Leadership is Female podcast, where I’ve interviewed over 90 female executives in sports, an industry that’s over 80% male at management level and above. And time after time, these women have told me that the number one skill they’ve improved in order to earn their spot at the top of the sports industry is confidence. They, like me, did not possess this confidence necessary to increase their level in their career from the get-go. They had to work on the behaviors associated with this attitude in order to propel their career forward.
So I’m here today to share with you six behaviors you can start today to increase your confidence.
Why is it important to increase our confidence? Well, think of this. How would you behave or what could you achieve if you were 10 times more confident?
COUNT YOURSELF IN
Number one, count yourself in. I spoke with a woman about her first time doing sideline reporting at a nationally televised basketball game. She was shaking in her heels, standing courtside, nerves overtaking her until she heard something familiar in her headset. We’ll be on in five, and three, two, one, you’re live.
And she performed with excellence, the nerves melting away. She’s an athlete, a former basketball player used to performing on the court by the clock, and the tactic remained true. Counting will get you started, and momentum will keep you going. I have used this technique.
I’ve had more uncomfortable conversations than I care to recall, but one I’ll share with you today. I vividly remember standing on the warning track of the baseball field 45 minutes before game time, looking at the opposing manager and his team wearing the wrong color uniform. I wanted to turn and run back up to my office and hide, but instead, I faced him head on. And I said in my mind, three, two, one, go, and I started walking towards him.
And when I arrived, we had a very uncomfortable conversation about his team wearing the wrong color uniform. Yes, I had to ask these grown men to change their clothes, it was so awkward, but when I asked myself, who am I, and how do I behave, the answer was that I’m a person who’s not too shy to stand up for what I believe, what is right, and stand up to conflict. Counting got me started, and momentum kept me going.
GIVE YOURSELF 20 SECONDS OF COURAGE
Number two, what if you only had to be brave for a total of 20 seconds? Give yourself 20 seconds of courage.
This behavior helped me enormously when I published my podcast, Leadership is Female, bold title and all, for all the world to see, hear, critique, and have their opinions. I vividly remember sitting on the carpet of my closet floor, holding my computer, looking at the upload button, thinking to myself, does it need any more edits, should I listen to it one more time? And I told myself, Emily, give yourself 20 seconds of courage. And I hit publish, and it was done, and guess what?
I kept breathing, and the world kept turning, and the podcast grew into what it was meant to be, all because of 20 seconds of courage.
TAKE A SEAT AT THE TABLE
Number three, take a seat at the table.
Not metaphorically speaking, actually take a seat at the table. I spoke with a woman who represents some of the biggest names in baseball, and she told me a story about taking a seat at the table.
She noticed women waiting around the edges of the room, waiting for the seats to be filled, and worse yet, she was doing it too. In order to become the more confident woman that she envisioned herself to be, she needed to go in, sit down, speak her mind, and get the deal done. That started with one simple action, taking a seat at the table.
Number four, cheer for other people’s success. They say that women will pull up the ladder behind them. What if you didn’t? What if you extended a hand back to lead her forward? What if you celebrated the success of a colleague, rather than feeling sorry for yourself that it was not you accepting the accolades?
Confident people celebrate the success of others, rather than feeling threatened. Think of this great quote from Amy Poehler, ‘Good for her, not for me.’ It turns that pit in your stomach of, oh, she did that, and I’m still here, into yes, good for her, not for me. This is her celebration, not mine.
And when my time comes, isn’t it going to be great to have the support of so many people around me? Wins are so much better celebrated together. Join in. Cheer someone else on.
Here’s number four in action. Recently, a woman was promoted to chief marketing officer of a major sports league. The offer to interview, and ultimately land the job, came after her public celebration and sincere congratulatory outreach to the newly named female league president. Confident people support those around them. Cheer for someone else’s success.
LEVERAGE PAST SUCCESS
Number five, bolster your confidence for a new activity through your already great performance in another. What are you really good at? What is easier today than it was one year ago? What is your most proud accomplishment? Answer those questions. Think about those answers. Those answers is where your confidence is born.
Confidence is born in all we’ve already done and already achieved. Recently a woman I interviewed on the Leadership is Female podcast was going after a big, big promotion at a top team. Before she went in to pitch her boss, she reviewed her current job description, made notes of her accolades in all areas mentioned, and then was prepared with the examples and the confidence of the success she had in the past. She got the promotion. Use your prior success to propel yourself forward.
CELEBRATE CONSTANTLY
And number six, celebrate constantly. How often do we reach our goals and then just immediately move on? When we do this, the recollection of that success is diminished.
How can we confidently move forward if we can’t remember what we achieved or worse yet, link that accomplishment to stress? Find ways to celebrate that are meaningful to you, like creating a highlight reel in your cell phone of your most proud accomplishments. Take your team out for celebratory drinks when you close the big deal. Buy yourself a massage or maybe order a pizza when you reach your personal goals.
It doesn’t matter how you celebrate, it matters that you do. This will create a marker in your brain to rewire and reinforce the behaviors that led to the success in the first place.
I’ve come a long way from the girl who couldn’t order a pizza to the woman who became GM of a minor league baseball team, started a podcast, and delivered a TEDx talk, all because I made the decision to become a more confident person. And I hope you do too, because how many runs could you score if you were ten times more confident?
Thank you.
SUMMARY OF THIS TALK:
Emily Jaenson’s talk, “Six Behaviors To Increase Your Confidence,” delves into her personal journey of transforming from a shy, homesick college student to becoming the first female general manager of a Triple A baseball team. Her pivotal realization was that confidence was not just an attitude but a product of specific behaviors. The key takeaways from her talk are:
Behavior Over Attitude: Jaenson emphasizes that changing behaviors, rather than solely focusing on attitudes, is the catalyst for confidence. Altering how one behaves leads to acting differently and, subsequently, feeling more confident.
Clarify Your Vision: Identifying who you want to become and how that person behaves is crucial. Jaenson’s desire for a successful sports executive career set the foundation for her transformation.
Count Yourself In: Using a countdown method, such as “three, two, one, go,” helps overcome hesitations and initiates momentum. Jaenson shares her experience of facing uncomfortable situations by using this technique, which led to progress.
20 Seconds of Courage: Granting oneself a brief burst of bravery, like hitting “publish” on a bold project, allows one to push past doubts and take necessary actions. Jaenson’s experience with launching her podcast illustrates this behavior’s effectiveness.
Take a Seat at the Table: Literally and metaphorically, this behavior involves positioning yourself where decisions are made. Jaenson highlights the importance of speaking up, sharing opinions, and actively engaging rather than waiting on the sidelines.
Cheer for Other People’s Success: Supporting and celebrating others’ accomplishments rather than feeling threatened or envious is a significant behavior associated with confidence. Jaenson emphasizes the value of communal success and collaboration.
Leverage Past Success: Drawing confidence from previous achievements helps in tackling new challenges. Acknowledging personal growth and accomplishments provides the confidence to excel in new endeavors.
Constant Celebration: Acknowledging and celebrating accomplishments regularly reinforces positive behaviors that led to success. It’s essential to mark and recognize milestones to build a strong foundation for confidence.
Jaenson’s journey from a timid individual to a pioneering sports executive is a testament to the transformative power of adopting these behaviors. Her talk provides a roadmap for individuals to enhance their confidence and reach their goals by implementing these practical strategies in their lives.
