Here is the full transcript of Kiran Kang’s talk titled “The Power of Empathy: A Tool for Professional Success” at TEDxGrandviewHeights conference.
Kiran Kang’s talk, “The Power of Empathy: A Tool for Professional Success,” emphasizes the transformative role empathy plays across various professions, challenging societal norms that often view empathy as a weakness in certain roles. Drawing from her personal experiences as a family lawyer, Kang illustrates how empathy not only enhances her ability to connect with clients but also leads to more meaningful and lasting resolutions in legal disputes.
She argues that empathy should be seen as a powerful tool for understanding and addressing the human emotions intertwined with professional interactions, thereby fostering creative problem-solving and collaboration. Kang advocates for the integration of empathy in all professional sectors, highlighting its potential to improve workplace culture, client relationships, and overall outcomes. Her message is a call to action for professionals to embrace empathy as a strength, redefining traditional perceptions of success and leadership.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
A little while ago, I asked my eight-year-old nephew what he thought empathy meant. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t know. It’s a feeling.” I asked him to describe this feeling, and he said, “Bold, strong.” I remember being so fascinated by his response because here he was, at eight years old, having already recognized that there’s power in empathy, a concept that took me two post-secondary degrees to fully understand.
It got me thinking. We want our teachers, nurses, doctors, counselors, and social workers to embody the highest degree of empathy in their work. Yet, we may question the abilities of other professionals like lawyers, corporate executives, or others in leadership positions if we get a sense that they may be too empathetic.
Why have we, as a society, attached so many judgments to empathy such that we see it as a strength in certain contexts but see it as a weakness in others?
I’m here to challenge that perspective and encourage it to be seen as a tool of empowerment across all professions.
Next year, I’ll be in my 10th year practicing as a family lawyer. Empathy is, and always has been, a huge part of my personal and professional life. So, you can only imagine how surprised I was to learn early on in my career that it is not always seen as a strength. I stepped into the world of family law, fresh out of law school, eager and optimistic about helping people access and achieve justice. I encountered a reality that challenged my expectations.
Clients would often eye me with skepticism. Their first question for me was, “Are you really a lawyer?” I directed their attention to my degrees hanging on the wall, which was enough to satisfy their concerns about my credentials. But their skepticism wasn’t just about my youth or my inexperience. It was about the perceived incongruity between my warm and friendly personality and the adversarial nature of the legal profession.
The next question I could usually expect was, “Are you a shark? Are you a pit bull?” Unsurprisingly, my answer was always no. I mean, look at me. Do I look like a shark or a pit bull? I take pride in crafting tailored legal solutions that meaningfully address my client’s concerns without reducing their story to what you might see on a TV courtroom drama.
The Power of Empathy in Legal Disputes
It became apparent to me, though, that most people who interacted with the law fully embraced the adversarial system, meaning that in any legal dispute, there had to be a winner and a loser. It was a zero-sum game. There wasn’t space for the possibility that two people in a legal dispute with polarized interests could walk away with both their needs being met. It was all or nothing. This framework doesn’t leave the door open for empathy.
Empathy requires a person to acknowledge their judgments and biases and have the ability to put them aside to truly understand the perspective of another. That is not a simple skill. It is a complex and strong skill that creates space for creativity and creative problem-solving.
Let me give you a lighthearted and hypothetical example that I adopted from a recent course I took. Imagine a baker and a chef both set to make their signature dishes for a dinner honoring the Prime Minister. The menu set. The ingredients have been ordered. The baker is to make an orange chiffon cake, and the chef duck à l’orange. Each of them requires a case of oranges to make their dish.
The baker ordered his oranges in advance, and the chef decided to wait till the day of the event so that he could get the juiciest, freshest oranges. Unfortunately, on the day of the event, due to an orange shortage, the chef was unable to procure his oranges. The chef stormed into the baker’s side of the kitchen and demanded the entire case of oranges, which didn’t go over very well.
The past dynamics of the baker and the chef also complicated things. The baker was mad. The chef had a track record of failing to order ingredients in advance and taking them from others at the last minute. The stakes are high. Both the baker and the chef’s reputations are on the line. This seems like a win or lose situation, doesn’t it? It would not be difficult to put forward compelling arguments on behalf of either the baker or the chef, or who deserves the oranges more. But what good would that do?
Empathy as a Tool for Resolution
By leaning into empathy, we might ask more questions about why it’s important for them to have an entire case of oranges. But this requires putting judgments aside, putting ego aside to truly get to the heart of the issue. In this case, a happy ending was possible because the baker only needed the peel for the cake, and the chef only needed the juice for the duck. A win-win was possible for both by leaning into empathy for creative problem-solving.
Looking through the empathy lens takes courage. It requires a person to be vulnerable and authentic. Empathy has allowed me to understand the nuances in each case, to see the human emotions that are intertwined with legal issues. It’s allowed me to connect with clients on a deeper level, to see beyond the legalities of their case and get to the human story beneath.
And in my experience, this approach leads to more meaningful resolutions, lasting resolutions, resolutions that a purely adversarial approach could not achieve. One particular case stands out in my memory. It was early on in my career. I represented a father in a very high conflict case. The mother was represented by a lawyer who was known for his aggressive tactics. The parties couldn’t seem to agree on anything. The mother wanted to keep the house and have full custody of the children. The father just wanted to have meaningful parenting time with his kids. And each of them had a laundry list of why the other was wrong. They were basically in a standoff.
My client was convinced that the only way things would be resolved was through court to have a judge decide their fate. But instead of reacting to all of the allegations that were made against my client, we took a proactive approach. We leaned into empathy. We identified the underlying fears and concerns that may have been driving the mother to take the positions she was taking. By asking questions that were guided by empathy, we were able to shift the discussion to a shared concern: the well-being of their children.
This common ground became the foundation for building their resolution. And their ultimate resolution enabled them to effectively co-parent their children, to be there for their children, whether it was at soccer practice or whether it was at a milestone event. An outcome that an all-out court battle was highly unlikely to have achieved.
Through my experiences in family law, I began to see that empathy doesn’t diminish my ability to successfully represent my clients. It enhances it. I realized that it is possible to be empathetic and intelligent. It is possible to be empathetic and strategic, and it is possible to be empathetic and assertive. And in family law, where human stories are at the heart of legal disputes, empathy is not just beneficial; it is essential.
I strongly believe that we need to embrace empathy, especially in places like the courtroom and the boardroom. In the corporate world, empathy can lead to a vibrant culture that transcends mere transactions. Leaders with empathy can unite their teams to deliver results for their clients and their stakeholders, while fostering an exceptional and inclusive work environment. Irrespective of industries, we can create solutions that are not only effective but human-centric when we see empathy as a tool of empowerment.
My journey in law isn’t just about improving my lawyering skills. It’s about championing the power of empathy and embracing a caring and compassionate approach as a strength, a tool of empowerment. We can all use empathy in our day-to-day lives, whether it’s in our daily interactions with our barista or whether it’s in higher stakes settings.
I encourage you to see empathy as your strongest tool, a tool of empowerment, a transformative force that redefines strength, that fosters genuine connections, and paves the way for a more understanding and collaborative world. Thank you.