Here is the full transcript of Public Speaking and Communication coach Elia Nichols’ talk titled “The Secret To Looking More Confident” at TEDxOltrarno conference, [April 17, 2025.]
Listen to the audio version here:
ELIA NICHOLS: Good evening. Good evening. Consider for a moment my two entrances. Which would you find more appealing? Which would you hire? Raise your hand if you like the first one. Raise your hand if you like the second one. Whoa, interesting. So all of you prefer the second version. Why is that? Perhaps because I looked more confident? Friendlier? More powerful? But all I did was change my body language.
Is the communication of confidence, approachability and power that superficial? Is it that easy? A Princeton study showed that first impressions are made in 0.1 seconds and are based primarily on facial expressions and body language.
I am an actor and a public speaking and communications coach. I have always been fascinated by human behavior, which is why I decided to study acting. Even when I’m away from the stage, I obsessively observe everyone around me. And I’ve often noticed how many people present themselves in ways that hinder them, that hold them back from getting job promotions, from meeting their life partner, from realizing their dreams.
I thought about all the lessons I’ve learned as an actress, that the job of the actor is to use the mind, body and voice to define the way others perceive us. I realized that it’s a choice. You can choose how you want to appear to others, if you have the actor’s tools that I do.
My goal today is not to convince you to act or to look like somebody you’re not. There are moments in life when it is absolutely advantageous and appropriate to be less visible, to step back.
Today, I want to share an actor’s secret that I learned, that I call the leader stance. So that when you find that moment when you need to step forward and present the best possible version of you, you can do so with confidence.
The Power of Body Language Awareness
Acting training starts with awareness and control of your body language. So we are taught to observe and recognize what our habitual body language is, so that we can abandon it, find a neutral place and then adopt the body language of the character.
Attention! Candy, you’re my sweet. Howdy, cowboy.
In acting, if you’re not aware of what you’re doing, you can’t change it. Awareness gives you opportunities. In real life, if you aren’t aware of yourself, you often communicate things you don’t intend to.
Have you ever watched yourself in a recording, in a Zoom meeting or a video message? Raise your hand if you have and thought, I look like that? Yeah, exactly. But that’s actually the best place to start.
To start to become self-aware, I invite you to record yourself in professional and personal interactions and then watch yourself and be honest about what you see. Now, don’t focus on your physical appearance. Observe your body language. What do you do repeatedly with your body language? This is common. This, this, this. And how does your body language affect others?
Now, this exercise is not about being critical or judgmental. It’s just about becoming self-aware of what you communicate to the world.
Now, if you’re thinking, there is no way that I’m going to record myself. Then observe yourself in front of a mirror. No one likes to watch themselves. I even dread it and I’m sometimes on television. But it is the shortcut to becoming self-aware. The payoff is better than the pain.
From Invisible to Visible: Sarah’s Story
I once taught a master’s course called Public Speaking for Leaders for students studying abroad in Florence, Italy where I live. Each week we were discussing executive presence and I gave the students the assignment to spend the next week going around the city of Florence using physical openness and keeping their eye contact up or steady forward.
There was one student, Sarah, who was quite shy. She tended to close her shoulders. She would look down and she would take short steps.
The week after, Sarah returned to class with the biggest smile on her face. I asked her how the assignment went. She said, “Well, first of all, what a gorgeous city I’m living in. I realized that I hadn’t really seen much of Florence because I always looked down and so I’d only seen the cobblestone streets. And then tourists stopped me on the street I’ve never been stopped anywhere by anybody. I’m clearly not Italian but I guess I looked so confident that they thought I’d know where the Ponte Vecchio was. And then last weekend I was walking into a party which is always the worst moment for me and a boy that I’d only met once came up and spoke to me. I can’t believe the difference it makes. I’ve been going through my life invisible and it feels really nice not to be invisible.”
It is a human need to be seen and to feel important but we have to do our part to project enough confidence to be seen. The way Sarah did that was by using a little actor’s secret that I taught her called the leader stance.
You see when you study the Greeks and Shakespeare, the great playwrights you get to explore characters that are kings and queens but you also have to explore their servants and their jesters and you learn quickly that kings and queens that are respected have height and stillness. Their eye contact is steady and sustained their eye movements are slow and intentional. They take space. They open up their bodies and they take space. This is the leader stance.
Should we all try it together? Let’s do a little master class in acting. You can stay seated, don’t worry. Let’s start by opening your shoulders. Sit tall, lengthen your torso. Eye contact should be direct and steady. Now I want you to find stillness. You can smile if you want. Now I want you to take space. Open up under your elbows your feet and knees should be open under your hips. You’re all looking much more confident and empowered. You can drop it.
Conversely, servants and jesters move often and quickly. They tend to touch themselves and they keep their eye contact down or there’s none at all. They use verbal fillers like um and ah Let’s see what that looks like. Yes, sir. Three bags full, sir.
How about on you? Everybody close your shoulders a little bit. You can collapse in your torso. Drop your eye contact. Just take a little less space than you did before. Alright, you can break out of that. The master class is done.
Now this is obviously a metaphor but which of the two body positions that I described best describes the way that you hold yourself? Do you think you look more like a king or queen or like a servant? It’s probably somewhere in the middle in which the leader stance can help you.
First impressions, job interviews, dates, speaking up at a team meeting or the parent-teacher association, a student starting a new school, public speaking appearances and the list goes on.
Expanding Your Range of Possibilities
When I began studying acting I was the softy prostitute, the minor witch, the weak sister, the bar wench. You might wonder why I was typecast in these charming ways. It’s because I hadn’t yet learned the actor’s secret.
It took me time to integrate the leader stance into my body language to look effortless and authentic. But when I did, when I learned how to trust openness and stillness, then I began to be cast as Queen Titania, as Lady Macbeth, as the madam of the brothel instead of her employees. And finally I had the full range of options as an actress. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a greater range of possibilities in your life?
Now, I’m not telling you to just go around being open all the time. That would look quite arrogant and you’d probably be accused of invading other people’s personal space. So there’s a balance that has to be found between physical openness and relaxation. We use the leader stance to create impact and to communicate confidence. We use relaxation to create rapport with others and to put people at ease. We need both.
The Secret to Communicating with Confidence
So the actor’s secret of how to communicate with confidence is first, be self-aware. What do you do with your body language? Does it communicate what you want it to? And then, try out the leader stance. So the secret is going from this to this in the moments when it counts. And this is not something that only an actor can do. Every single one of you can do it.
For my student Sarah, it was transformative. A few years after the class, she wrote me and said, “I just walked into my first boardroom. I used the leader stance and every head in that room turned to look at me. I felt lionized by that room.” Today, Sarah is the director of operations for a national healthcare group.
You might be thinking, yes, but it doesn’t feel like me. And to that I say, well, it’s not you, is it? It’s a character that you’re adding to your repertoire. A new empowered version of you.
As Shakespeare wrote in As You Like It, “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women, merely players, they have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts.” Now, go explore yours.
