Transcript: Scott Jones on What’s On Your F*ck It List? at TEDxVancouver

TV Host Scott Jones presents What’s on your f*ck it list? at TEDxVancouver event. This TEDx event took place on November 14, 2015 at TEDxVancouver at Rogers Arena.

Listen to the MP3 Audio here: What’s on your f-ck it list by Scott Jones at TEDxVancouver

Scott Jones – TV Host

My name is Scott Jones. I am a TV host and a writer. I am originally from New York City. I have been living in Vancouver, British Columbia, for about seven years now.

I review movies, video games, and technology for a living. I am not going to reveal my age, but I will tell you that I am much older than I look.

And the secret is that I do something that I love, I work with people who I love. I’m very fortunate for those two things.

And the third thing — men, write this down — we’ve got to moisturize. Got to rub it in, got to relax, we’ve got to have fun. If you see the shows that I host, or if you read my writing, then you know that I am almost never wrong.

In fact, I want to show you a clip from a show that aired on March 18, 2014, and as you watch this clip, I want you to keep in mind that this would be the last show that I would host for a long time.

[Video Clip:

Marissa Roberto: Welcome to the show everyone. What do we do now?

Scott Jones: Uh, we just sit here quietly.

Marissa Roberto: No, we throw to a game, we throw to review.

Scott Jones: OK, let’s do that then, that’s a great idea.

Marissa Roberto: Great, José and Ben are here with their review of Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes. ]

 

Thank you, Marissa Roberto, I appreciate that. 24 hours later, this was me.

[Video Clip:

Doctor: What do you guys do for work?

Marissa Roberto: We host two television shows. You can see his normal behavior if you watch our shows. ]

 

What my co-host didn’t know that day, what I didn’t know that day, was that I was sick. What my co-host didn’t know, what I didn’t know, was I was having a stroke. Or more accurately, a series of strokes. I couldn’t make sense of things, I’d lose my train of thought very easily. Even now, I still have a persistent numbness on my left side. As we learned earlier from the neuroplasticity talk, this is something that I have to keep working with to heal.

I was in the hospital for a month. I had open-heart surgery; I can’t wait to go to the beach next summer and start showing that scar off. I had a valve installed in my chest, a robotic valve. And I went to rehab for 12 weeks, where I got an industrial grade antibiotic dose, every four hours, 24 hours a day, to heal me, and slowly, over time, I got better, kind of like a more melancholy version of the “The Six Million Dollar Man”.

But I’m back, and I’m still here, and I’m living my life. Everybody kept saying, “Bro, bro, it’s bucket list time!” And my first thought was, “I’ve got to stop hanging out with people who call me ‘bro’.”

“It’s bucket list time, man, if you look at ‘Outsider Magazine’, on the cover, everybody is celebrating bucket lists, all the time. Let’s go sky-diving into the pyramids in our underwear, let’s go walk the Great Wall in our underwear, let’s go swim with the sharks in the Barrier Reef, in our underwear.” I don’t know why, for some reason, I think bucket lists, you have to do it all in your underwear; maybe I’m wrong, maybe I am wrong.

But I didn’t like the idea of bucket lists; it didn’t feel right to me, it didn’t feel genuine, it didn’t feel true. It felt too showy, it felt too melodramatic. And so I started making a list of all the things that I didn’t have to do anymore. All the things that I didn’t want to worry about, going forward. This heart valve is supposed to last 30 years; who knows? I didn’t see this coming, so we’ll see.

But what am I going to do with the rest of my life? How am I going to spend my time? So I’m writing this list, and I started realizing I’m writing the exact opposite of a “bucket list”; I’m writing a list of all the things I didn’t need in my life anymore. That’s kind of when a light went off in my head. That’s kind of when a new kind of list was born for me; it’s the “f*ck-it list”.

So where to begin? What are we going to let go of? What are we going to do here? What are the things that I don’t want to do anymore? You know what I started writing these things down, and I have them right here. I want to share some of them with you today.

The first thing — man, I had open heart surgery, I had a stroke — Facebook: f*ck it, Facebook is out. That’s it, I’ve got to get rid of that. No more Facebook; I’m not doing that.

Soy milk. No thanks, goodbye; that’s the end of soy milk. We’re not doing that anymore.

Downton Abbey, listen, I tried. And Lady Mary, I will always have feelings for you but I’m moving on.

Juice cleansing? Nope. That’s out. And Mounds bars? We have some history together, your name is so promising, but the result is just coconut. I’m done with Mounds bars, that’s it.

Tipping at Starbucks. Oh man, what’s going on here? I’ve got a debit card, I’ve got to punch all these numbers in. Do I or don’t I? I don’t know how this works. F*ck it, that’s it; that’s the end of that. No more tipping at Starbucks.

You know what, this is kind of personal, I shouldn’t say this. But I’m letting go of my dream of one day joining the mile-high club. I am. I need to start courting a more sophisticated class of woman, who does not want to have sex with me in a closet on a 747. I’m sure it’s fun, I can’t do it; I’m not doing it.

The 17 Moleskine notebooks that I bought last year which I have yet to really write anything in. Goodbye.

Tinder? F*ck it, that’s it. Jazz? Man, I’ve tried. I tried, that’s it, no jazz. Jazz, you’re out. Sudoku; I’m just not good at it. I tried. Every flight; “Is it a four? Is it a seven? I don’t know. Can I be done with this puzzle?”

Just because it’s someone’s birthday, or just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean I’m automatically buying anyone gifts anymore, OK? I am buying gifts when I feel like buying gifts, end of story. Boy, I’m kind of starting to sound like a little bit of a dick. You know what? F*ck it. Sometimes I’m a dick; I can’t do anything about it.

Having mundane, small talk with my neighbors? F*ck it. Yes, it looks like rain today. We live in Vancouver; it looks like rain everyday.

Let’s see, I’ve got a few more for you. Relationships that go on way too long? I know it, they know it, why am I dragging this out? From now on, I’m going to end things the moment I know. And Jeanine, baby, I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

And no more folding my underwear; I spent 17 minutes a week folding a garment that no one except my cats – and Jeanine, you too, huh? – ever sees me wear. So f*ck it; I’m not folding underwear.