Transcript: Streamer Sketch on This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #624

That’s the only downside. Besides that, it’s a fun job. I really do whatever.

So when people ask me, they asked me on a TV show, they’re like, “What do you do?” I was like, “I just hang out with my friends pretty much and stream it.”

THEO VON: Yeah. And what are some things that we don’t even recognize that streamers deal with? What are some of the tough things? Does your back hurt after it? Are there things where it’s…

KYLIE COX: Dude, it’s smelling. And then when people come up to you.

THEO VON: Why are you streaming outdoors?

KYLIE COX: Well, you just start smelling. You get pit smell. You get bad breath smell from talking all the time. And then people come up to you and it’s like, oh, I try to keep my arms like this. The tighter I am, the probably the more I smell. And you can’t refute smelling bad on the Internet.

The Bad Breath Dilemma

THEO VON: You can’t. What do you mean by that? I don’t understand. You can’t refuse.

KYLIE COX: If someone says that you smell bad or if there’s a clip of you getting, say, someone going to your breath, doing that, everyone’s going to think you have bad breath for probably the rest of your life.

THEO VON: Yeah, dude. My friend, his breath was just disgusting, dude. And he knew it. And he liked it.

KYLIE COX: He liked it? Having bad breath?

THEO VON: He liked it. He’d be like, “You want this s* smoke?” And he just breathe right on you. He’d come up behind you, on the edge of you and hit you with some.

KYLIE COX: Oh, so a s* storm almost.

THEO VON: Yeah, he was just like a little doody sniper, kind of.

KYLIE COX: A doody sniper?

THEO VON: Yeah, he would just fing blast you out with it. And his girl, dude, he ended up dating a girl that had bad breath. And it was like, f, they loved that s*.

KYLIE COX: It was more of a probably acquired taste.

THEO VON: I think once you go there, and somebody else meets you, I bet it’s nice to, first of all, you never have to brush your teeth, right? Your breath stinks so people don’t come and bother you all the time. If people know your breath stinks, people leave you alone.

KYLIE COX: Dude, that’s probably one of the positives if you don’t like being talked to.

THEO VON: And then three, if your breath’s fing horrible and somebody else’s is, and you guys are just chewing on each other’s fing faces like a couple little fing rabid little s ponies or whatever, I bet that s*’s hype.

KYLIE COX: The worst thing I’ve ever done to my lady is I would eat Wasabi peas right before bed. And I wouldn’t drink any water and it would collect over here. And then in the morning, I gave her a kiss. And that was the first time I’ve seen a look of rancid, a rancid look of smell from her. Almost gave her the ick.

THEO VON: That’s that oral Iwo Jima you hit her with, huh?

KYLIE COX: It is scary, though. That’s the one thing you can’t, you can’t have bad breath or it’s ruined for me.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: You blew poop breath in my face, I wouldn’t be able to get over it for a while.

THEO VON: I dated a girl whose breath smelled like ham. A little bit. Or a little bit of her mouth smelled like ham. So you’d be around her and every now and then you get a hit of ham.

KYLIE COX: She probably has a pretty nice hearty breakfast and then just rocks it for the rest of the day.

THEO VON: I don’t know. She didn’t seem like a big breakfast eater, but there was always this faint sense of ham. And there were moments where I liked it, if we were outdoors and stuff, but if I was at a movie and every seven or eight minutes, you just smell a little bit of ham, it would just make me a little nauseous, bum me out. And you can’t say to somebody, “Hey, your…”

KYLIE COX: Yeah, your breath smells like ham. You need to fix this.

THEO VON: Yeah. Because then they’re like, “Oh, you’re crazy, dude.”

Fashion and Jewelry Talk

Do I look like a prison person with these?

KYLIE COX: No, I do like the revealing of the ankles. It looks like you should almost have an ankle bracelet on or something.

THEO VON: Oh, I got to get one.

KYLIE COX: We should get friendship bracelets.

THEO VON: I got to get something like that.

KYLIE COX: Get something on your ankle.

THEO VON: I noticed your swag is up, dude. You chained out, huh?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, I went to Johnny Dang one time.

THEO VON: How much was that?

KYLIE COX: This one was 30.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s beautiful.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, but I was doing it in celebration. I’m from Houston, so everyone had, it’s a thing to do there.

THEO VON: Yeah, you got to do it. It’s part of the culture.

KYLIE COX: Would you ever buy jewelry?

THEO VON: No, I bought these glasses or I paid for two pairs. They said it was get one free.

KYLIE COX: But what’s your biggest thing you indulge on, then? Do you collect anything?

THEO VON: No, man, I got to get some good hobbies, dude. I got to get some good stuff popping. I’ve been going to a lot of football games too. That’s been my new hobby.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, it is. It’s fun.

College Football and Lane Kiffin

THEO VON: It’s so much fun, dude. Did you get to see Lane Kiffin down there?

KYLIE COX: I wanted to. I didn’t want to go disturb him, but he DM’d me afterwards. He was like, “You should have said what’s up.” And I was like, “I figured you were busy. I’m not going to go put a camera up in the coach’s face, bro.”

THEO VON: Lane is one of a kind, dude. I feel like he might have tried to set me up on a date with his ex-wife, dude.

KYLIE COX: Really? Is she good looking?

THEO VON: Yeah, she’s really good.

KYLIE COX: And you’re not dating Diego Pavia’s mom, right?

THEO VON: Yeah, no, it just never got set up. Really? I feel like I’ve tried to make myself available, you know, I just don’t know. Just can’t get a clear answer from her. You know, and also he and I are friends. I don’t want to upset the friendship. I don’t want to sit him down and have a talk with him, you know, like, “Clean your room.” You know what I’m saying?

KYLIE COX: That would be a little wild.

THEO VON: Yeah, so it’s like, you know, I don’t want to press the issue. She’s great. I feel like we might just be best as friends, you know?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, I just saw the TikTok, so I figured. So you’re dating around or what do you do?

The Search for Love

THEO VON: Yeah. 2025, I’ve been looking for love. It was supposed to be 2025 Wife. I was supposed to find a wife this year, but it hasn’t happened.

KYLIE COX: What’s your…

THEO VON: Dude? I think Lane was trying to set me up with his f*ing ex-wife, dude. He put us in a group chat, right? And then he’s like, “I’ll leave you two alone.” And he left the group chat.

KYLIE COX: Oh, my God.

THEO VON: Welcome to the Sip.

KYLIE COX: Did it work? Mississippi ladies are nice.

THEO VON: Oh, she’s a Florida girl, actually. I do know that. There she is right there. Beautiful lady. Layla. Look at Lane, dude. God, look, he looks like he used to own a horse or something.

KYLIE COX: Did you shoot a shot or would you?

THEO VON: No, I didn’t because I can’t really tell what’s going on. So I’m going to check in and see what’s up. But yeah, that was just a crazy thing. He’s like, “I’ll leave you two alone.” And then he exited like Homer Simpson just fading into the bush.

KYLIE COX: Fading into the bush and left you there to try to find marriage.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Dude, you don’t get on any apps?

THEO VON: I’m not on the app. Do you own them?

KYLIE COX: No, I got a girlfriend.

THEO VON: Oh, you got a girlfriend?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, we live together. It’s pretty…

THEO VON: What?

KYLIE COX: Yes.

Health and Hydration

THEO VON: Dude, when I saw you last time, you were barely drinking enough water. Remember? Your kidneys were bad.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. My stupid kidneys still suck.

THEO VON: It’s because you’re not drinking any water.

KYLIE COX: Water now. I’m trying to. I’ve been drinking less.

THEO VON: Less water?

KYLIE COX: No, less alcohol.

THEO VON: Oh, good.

KYLIE COX: More water.

THEO VON: Dude, remember when I saw you in Florida? You were just glitching by the curtains last time I saw you. And I was like, “Get that guy a cup of water.” You got to keep filling that bubble.

KYLIE COX: I don’t want to start feeling a pain in my kidney. It feels like a kidney stone.

THEO VON: Yeah. Oh, you’re going to roll dice out of that one of these days.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Hopefully roll a lucky seven or something. I feel like this thing’s going to, I don’t know. I only got one kidney, so I got to take care of it.

Staying Hydrated

THEO VON: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. You down to that one bubbler, homie. You have to stay hydrated. Dude, imagine if you saw a fish tank, right? And there’s an inch of water in it and the fish are trying to live in there.

KYLIE COX: That’s pretty much what’s going on. Because every time I pee it’s really hot and then it’s dark. So maybe if there’s a doctor in the comments. I just don’t go to the doctor a lot. Do you do that?

THEO VON: You can go online? You can get on there easy.

KYLIE COX: How’s he going to tell me what’s wrong with my kidney and my wiener at the same time? Is your kidney your wiener? Is that the same doctor? Is that different doctors?

THEO VON: You think these days it’s all in one dude? You can go to a dude who will prescribe you. They’ll email you a quart of blood. They’ll email you a little bit of TRT. A pack of breath, man. They’ll handle it all.

KYLIE COX: They got it all handled, dude.

THEO VON: It’s a one stop shop.

KYLIE COX: I was in Mexico and you could get, what’s the HD 8? Is it HGH? The health is health grown hormone where you get jacked or whatever.

THEO VON: You can get that.

KYLIE COX: You can just get it. Just get it.

THEO VON: Oh yeah. Oh, there’s a cream now too. They’ll rub it on you.

KYLIE COX: Have you tried it before?

THEO VON: HGH? No, I’ve never.

KYLIE COX: I can’t try because I have one kidney. So I’ll just be skinny fat for the rest of my life. I kind of just have this awkward build.

THEO VON: Yeah. But it’s a solid build.

KYLIE COX: I think the one thing that gets me is my nipples. They’re kind of off centered because I lift one side a little bit harder than the other. So right now I’m a little lopsided. That or have scoliosis.

School Health Checks

THEO VON: Oh yeah. Remember school? Did they ever check for scoliosis at your school?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, they check for that a little bit more.

THEO VON: Oh really?

KYLIE COX: No, I’m just kidding.

THEO VON: Sometimes they would check the front for scoliosis. I’m like, that’s not scoliosis. This guy’s a pedophile.

Dude, if some guy’s rubbing his crotch while you’re like, he’s doing one of these.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, it could get. Sometimes the doctor, they walk the line between being creepy and, well, not creepy, but.

THEO VON: Oh, definitely, dude. It’s scary out there, dude. I remember we used to have one in our town and he would hold your penis while you coughed or whatever and he wouldn’t even report anything back to you.

KYLIE COX: That’s weird because he’s supposed to grab your nuts.

THEO VON: Is he really?

KYLIE COX: Was he just grabbing straight down?

THEO VON: Yeah, dude.

KYLIE COX: Just grabbing the Twinkie?

THEO VON: Yeah, dude, grabbing the nuts is crazy. Pull that up. Are they supposed to grab the nuts or what? If you’re with a doctor.

KYLIE COX: I’m pretty sure I don’t know what’s supposed to come down, but I think something from your intestines comes to your sack and it moves.

THEO VON: Oh, if somebody grabs my nuts while I’m trying to sneeze, I’ll punch them.

KYLIE COX: I feel like that’s a trend though that they don’t do anymore. I’m feeling like you have to go to school and they don’t. Like you just have to do that to go to school.

THEO VON: Oh, dude, when I was a kid. Yeah, you’d have to go somewhere. They’d polish your ahole. They would hold on to your d for a second and make you say the alphabet backwards. They had to. They would rub both of these parts of your, under your, until there were lumps. I’m like, there’s nothing there. And they would rub them for like 30 seconds as hard as f, and then do all this. And then there would be s* there.

KYLIE COX: And then all those lumps. Every time someone tells you about those lumps, it always just makes you schizophrenic because there’s all. It always. You’re like, I can’t tell if this is the lump or not.

THEO VON: This one says, “using both hands, gently roll each testicle between your thumbs and fingers.” Oh, my God.

KYLIE COX: So it would be like.

THEO VON: This is like you’re shopping for avocados.

KYLIE COX: Be like Johnny Manziel.

THEO VON: What?

KYLIE COX: Right here. Look. You look a little Johnny Manziel with the test piece. Maybe that’s what he’s. Maybe that’s what Manziel’s doing. Clip that. Send that to Johnny, bro.

THEO VON: Watch us. In 20 years, he’s going to be doing testicular cancer. Like how to check for testicular.

KYLIE COX: Is that what he’s checking for?

THEO VON: And he’s going to be doing this? Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Do they. I didn’t know that. I thought it was for. I don’t know what it was.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s it. Dude. He’s got a two on two nuts. Don’t forget.

KYLIE COX: That’s exactly. Buddy Manziel. Dr. Manziel.

College Football Talk

THEO VON: He’s great, man. I saw him down at.

KYLIE COX: At the Vandy game. Right.

THEO VON: At Vanderbilt versus Alabama?

KYLIE COX: Yeah. I’m going to Alabama next weekend.

THEO VON: You are?

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Have you been there to see a game?

KYLIE COX: I’ve been in the facilities or not the facility. I’ve been around Tuscaloosa. I haven’t been to a game yet though.

THEO VON: Oh, dude. It’s. That place is unbelievable to see a game. Yeah, there’s a lot of great places. Neyland is probably the. I mean.

KYLIE COX: Where’s Nick? What is Neyland?

THEO VON: That’s Go Vols. University of Tennessee.

KYLIE COX: Are you a Vols fan or a Vanderbilt fan?

THEO VON: I’m both.

KYLIE COX: Were you Jersey slut? They’re calling me a Jersey slut right now. But I’m just trying to get free beers at the tailgates.

THEO VON: Why are you just showing up to every team?

KYLIE COX: I rock home team everywhere I go. Yeah, I don’t give a f*. I didn’t graduate college. Everyone in the comments like, “oh, you graduated. What’s Mississippi State?” It’s like, I went to four schools and I got no degrees. So it’s not like I have a sense of accomplishment at any of these places.

THEO VON: Of course, people. And the crazy thing is some of these fan bases, they’re like. There’s people in the stands literally trying to overdose so their teams will win. They’re like, you know what I’m saying? If we get to. If they get it in the end zone, I’m hitting that Narcan.

KYLIE COX: It’s a lot better than the NFL, though.

THEO VON: Oh, it’s so much.

KYLIE COX: It’s so much funner.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: The vibe of it.

THEO VON: Oh, that was the best.

KYLIE COX: I remember I was when I was at Ole Miss, some kid just. Some grown adult, just. I was on the sideline, just gave me a beer.

THEO VON: At Ole Miss.

KYLIE COX: At University.

THEO VON: Can you say that?

KYLIE COX: Yeah. I don’t know, dude.

THEO VON: I’m going Ole Miss this weekend for a game.

KYLIE COX: You are?

THEO VON: Yeah. What the.

KYLIE COX: Which game?

THEO VON: Ole Miss versus Florida.

KYLIE COX: Oh, are you going for the night game?

THEO VON: Yeah. Damn, it’s going to be sick.

KYLIE COX: I want to go to that game so bad.

THEO VON: Have you.

KYLIE COX: You know the lore, right?

THEO VON: The lore?

KYLIE COX: No, the lore about. Oh, they didn’t care. They went Kiffin there and all that. Well, Florida, everyone. All the Florida fans that think that they’re going to get Lane Kiffin.

THEO VON: Oh, you think they’re going to be cheering, trying to.

KYLIE COX: Well, the Ole Miss fans who want to beat the s* out of Florida because they don’t want Lane Kiffin to leave.

THEO VON: That’s a good point. I didn’t realize that’s going to be the hype there.

KYLIE COX: That’s probably the best job in the world right now is be a college football coach that gets fired. It’s not going to be Lane Kiffin, but, like, what was it? Brian Kelly got fired. Got like $60 million, dude.

THEO VON: Yeah, that’s. Bro, we got to get.

KYLIE COX: We should start a football team.

THEO VON: Oh, yes.

KYLIE COX: We think we could start with a minor league team and work our way up?

THEO VON: What would our team name be called? The Rattlers. Maybe.

KYLIE COX: The Rattlers is kind of raw. That was my little league baseball team name.

THEO VON: No. I swear.

KYLIE COX: Wow.

THEO VON: We were the Baby Cats. The Baby Cats. Yeah.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know if that’s scary.

THEO VON: Oh, we were horrible, dude. We had one kid had the worst asthma. We had to just. And you couldn’t put him in the sunlight cause it activated it and s. So we’d have to. We did adjust the way the field was shaped so he could play a little. The whole thing was what the f. We had.

KYLIE COX: We had a kid kind of like that, but it was more of a kid. It was almost like Howie from Benchwarmers. Where he could really be in the sun.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Always had to wear long sleeve shirts and lots of sunblock and stuff like that. I swear there’s one on every little league team.

THEO VON: Yeah, there’s.

KYLIE COX: What is this? Oh, the dead tally that Tim.

THEO VON: That’s right there. That’s Nick Swardson right there. Played him. Nick Swardson’s the best.

KYLIE COX: Oh.

THEO VON: What I just realized that. Nick Swardson right there.

KYLIE COX: Legendary role.

Campus Life and Tailgating

THEO VON: Oh. Do any kids ever try to press you on campus? Have you had any issues like that or. No, it’s been.

KYLIE COX: No, they’ve always been chill because I wear the home jersey. That’s why. Yeah, you got to play into the favoritism. So I haven’t been pressed, but there’s not really a reason to press. I’m just bouncing around and if someone asks for a picture, I just go, “can I get a beer?” I drink probably 12 beers before I got to the. It’s a lot of people coming up.

THEO VON: And are you having any water too? You just having beer? Mostly? A little bit.

KYLIE COX: I usually do it until I get heartburn.

THEO VON: You drink it so you get heartburn?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, I got. I got heartburn right now. I got here at 9. I could check into a hotel till 4 and I’m on Broadway.

THEO VON: Oh yeah. But two years ago I said, dude, start drinking water.

KYLIE COX: I’ve been drinking water. It’s the. It’s the. Yeah, it’s right here. It feels like I got shot in the stomach. I swear it’s in my. Since I got my appendix removed.

THEO VON: Damn.

KYLIE COX: That’s not. I think that’s not a conspiracy. That’s why I don’t go to the doctors.

THEO VON: Half the s* they say is, dude, of course, dude. All you need is TikTok and a good attitude and Cash App account and you can take care of yourself these days.

KYLIE COX: Dude, you did. Okay, this is a true story. This is ever since, how do you call me a lesbian or whatever.

THEO VON: Because your looks or whatever. Yes, because sometimes too some lady the other day said, “Is that a wig on your head?”

KYLIE COX: But the doctor made an assumption at birth because I had one kidney in the way my face looked and assumed and told my parents that I would, there was a high percentage chance that I was down syndrome. Yeah. What do you mean?

THEO VON: Yeah? I’m just saying, because the…

KYLIE COX: Because the, the lookers. Because of, someone said it’s because my eyes.

THEO VON: No, I think you got baby eyes. You got eyes of like…

KYLIE COX: Like almond eyes.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. I forgot. You do have.

KYLIE COX: I just got to show you my baby picture. But that’s why I don’t believe half the, that they say. And then when I went to…

THEO VON: If your eyes got that nut shape on them, that’s a signature.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. One time I got my appendix removed. And I’m not kidding you, to test to see if they would, I had pain. They told me to jump when I had appendicitis.

THEO VON: They probably laughed, huh?

KYLIE COX: I jumped and I was almost sh*t myself. I was in so much pain.

THEO VON: Where’d you get your appendix removed? Who removed it? Was it a sanctioned place?

KYLIE COX: It was a sanctioned place. It was pretty great. Except for I didn’t know until after that they put a catheter in. Did I guess that’s…

THEO VON: They put a Catherine. That’s a f*ing pervert. Because they go, I don’t want somebody looking at my wiener. I’ll tell you what’s up there. I’ve looked up there. Nothing, buddy.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. I use a really small needle to really get in there.

THEO VON: But you, dude. If you’re not drinking water. That’s why they’re doing all that sht, dude. Because you’re not drinking any water. The human body’s 95% water. And you’re out here fing drinking Miller Light and Kool Aid and sh*t.

KYLIE COX: Because it’s a weekend.

THEO VON: You’re out. You’re drinking. It’s been two years since I’ve seen you had the same problem.

KYLIE COX: Dude, you bring me to Nashville.

THEO VON: You’re out here drinking Hawaiian Punch every day.

KYLIE COX: And you said you’d go down one at and on Broadway is awesome. And what is there to do? There is just a, it looks like so an invasion of bachelorette parties that…

THEO VON: Oh, yeah, you’ll see some thick and boots. Maybe a lot of thickened boots.

KYLIE COX: I know they’re ready to march for something. March Our Party.

Standing on Business in the Hood

THEO VON: Dude, I saw that clip of you standing on business in the hood. Dude.

KYLIE COX: Yes.

THEO VON: Was that tough? Was that a tough moment?

KYLIE COX: I didn’t think I was in the hood. So the background of story for that was I was going to play. I was at Russell Westbrook’s old high school, and I was going to buy basketball shoes because I had a basketball game, and one of my mods met me there and was like, “Hey, can you buy me shoes?” So I bought his kid shoes.

I walk out and this guy goes, “You’re in the wrong hood.” And I was like, “What?” Then I was like, he’s like, “You’re in the wrong hood.” And I saw he was kind of fat. So I was like, you know what? I’ll push back. So I said, what? What did I say? Dang, bro. What do you think? Heard the hill right now. Wait, show what you say that again. Show him.

THEO VON: You in the trenches right now, bro. You need to hurry up and get out of here. I get a few years.

KYLIE COX: I don’t give a…

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Okay. I got him on camera. So in case we got shot.

THEO VON: What kind of vehicle are you getting? Are you part of a funeral procession? No, it’s Uber.

KYLIE COX: You kill. I got into the Uber Black because it was just, it was a vint that someone else threw, so they got the car for that.

THEO VON: Look at you getting in there like it’s a funeral. Like, “I’m late for, oh, I had to get these new shoes because, you know, Danny died or whatever.”

KYLIE COX: I was honestly scared I was going to get shot in the back there. I was like, “Please, please step on it.”

THEO VON: Yeah, that dude was pressing it. That was, that didn’t seem like a real guy. Go back to that guy.

KYLIE COX: I don’t think. I think he was more, he was more joking. Back hindsight, because he had his phone out too, so I knew he wasn’t really pressing, but look, he hasn’t even been in the sun.

THEO VON: First of all, he’s a Mexican guy with very pale skin. I don’t trust a Mexican guy that hasn’t been in the sun. And neither do other Mexican people.

KYLIE COX: That is true.

THEO VON: Bring up some really pale Mexicans, because that should be illegal. Okay, first, they’re actually…

KYLIE COX: I think half of, I think there’s a, it’s like half of Mexicans are pretty pale.

THEO VON: No, but those are some of the women. You have to keep the sun off of some of them because they get pregnant and it can damage the child.

KYLIE COX: Is that true or you just make that up, bro?

THEO VON: You already see a pregnant woman that’s laying in the sun like on the side of the road or whatever? No way.

KYLIE COX: That is true. That is true. I’ve actually haven’t seen a pregnant woman in a long time. But I also just, you know, hang out at the club.

THEO VON: So thank God, right?

KYLIE COX: Well, I think you have to give good. Good thing that they’re not there.

Streaming with Jinxy and Queso

THEO VON: Yeah, I’m trying to think of what else has been going on. Dude. Oh, I saw that. I saw that you stream a lot with Jinxy and Queso.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, those are my boys.

THEO VON: Yeah. Do you…

KYLIE COX: If you could get Queso that’d be sick.

THEO VON: Is he a neat guy?

KYLIE COX: He’s awesome. Yeah, he just doesn’t like to fly. And he never leaves the state of Arkansas.

THEO VON: Oh, I love Arkansas. That’s where he lives at.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, he’s really cool. And so is Jinxy. Jinx is the realest person I’ve met in all content. We still talk all the time because that was really…

THEO VON: You guys really popped off together, huh?

KYLIE COX: Well, he found me at around a thousand viewers. And then when I was with him, we’d get to, I’d get to 10. When he was streaming, he’d get, it was times where you’d have a hundred thousand people.

THEO VON: No way.

KYLIE COX: So we would be, me and Jinx would be streaming together and on his account he’d have more viewers in Thursday Night Football on Prime. Because it’s on Prime. And I was like, well, that’s, that’s kind of what made us blow up, dude. But you…

THEO VON: But having fun, just being that with your friends and having fun. It’s so much fun, huh?

KYLIE COX: It is pretty sick. It is a dream job. I don’t know. I feel your job is way harder. Being a comedian. You have to write, you have to plan, you have to practice and stuff. Stream, you can just go on and kind of…

The Side Effects of Streaming

THEO VON: But what are the side effects of streaming? Do you feel this constant pressure that people have to show up there on the stream? And what are some things you said? Dehydration is one of the products of it. Bad breath.

KYLIE COX: That’s one of them. But another one would probably be, you kind of get this, maybe disassociate, disassociative. You see a click of some views on the clips. You’re like, you don’t realize until you go in the real world and people go, “Oh, I saw you here. I saw you there.”

I don’t know. I was riding on my bicycle today, and someone just came up and it’s like, “What are you doing here?”

THEO VON: Filming you.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Yeah. I think stuff like that’s kind of strange, I think, but it’s almost like I thought about this the other day. There’s so much content out there that, I guess for you guys, especially as streamers, if you go out, you’re in public, you’re filming people, then it’s not weird if they start filming you.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, no, it’s not. I don’t think any of it’s weird. It’s more of, what’d you ask? The bad side effects or the good side effects or the negative? Sorry, I have peacock brain.

THEO VON: No worries.

KYLIE COX: No, no.

THEO VON: Yeah. What are some things that we don’t see about streaming that’s tough? Because there’s a lot of people, I want to stream. You know, I want to be the next Fousey or whatever. Rip. But it’s like, who’s, he’s not dead.

KYLIE COX: No, he’s reincarnated.

THEO VON: Sorry to laugh. I thought he was Rip, homie.

KYLIE COX: Dang. No, if maybe you’re thinking about…

THEO VON: No, this is him.

The Cool Blind Guy

KYLIE COX: He’s jacked.

THEO VON: Oh, my God. He’s alive. I don’t care if he’s jacked, dude. That’s the problem with young people today. They don’t really care if somebody’s alive or they’re like, “He’s jacked.”

KYLIE COX: I don’t even know he was alive, though. He’s thriving. He’s doing better.

THEO VON: That’s not Montel Williams.

KYLIE COX: What is on your algorithm?

THEO VON: I would pay on Rip Dog. On Rip. Him On Rip Fousey. Homie. I didn’t know. I knew there was a couple of times he died at a mall. He’d like something. I knew there was.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Somebody said he died near a Build-A-Bear. Near a Bed Bath and Beyond a Bear or something.

KYLIE COX: Has anyone ever started.

THEO VON: A lot of stores are merging. You know, there’s a Bed, Bath and Beyond a Bear. I’m like, what the f* are we doing that.

KYLIE COX: That is a good idea, though, because then you just converge. It’s like TV, same five people on everything.

THEO VON: Yeah, there’s a Bed, Bath and Beyond a Baskin Robbins now, dude. And you’re like, this is f*ing. But you go in there, it’s just a Build-A-Bear with sprinkles on it.

KYLIE COX: It’s nice, though. It’s like you go to Target, you can get to go to CVS and you can go to Starbucks or something.

THEO VON: Yeah. All in one, dude. You can go in there, you can roller skate, you can eat some.

KYLIE COX: Eventually, weed’s going to be illegal everywhere. And I feel like it’s going to be in CVS and every place is going to smell like weed.

THEO VON: You think so? But, dude, how weird is going to be like, “Oh, look at these. Look at these people smoking at CVS joint.” You over there hit? Yeah, that would be me. I’d be in the parking lot. I’m in a Walgreens joint with my W. It’s.

KYLIE COX: I guess it’s probably. I don’t know if it’s expensive or cheap to make weed, but it’s got to be cheap.

THEO VON: You look at the people that sell it do. When you think about it, when you’re growing up, people that sold it.

KYLIE COX: Bro, I had some good. I had some good plugs or.

THEO VON: You did.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, they were. They’re actually like.

THEO VON: We had a blind dude that would f*ing sell it in our neighborhood.

KYLIE COX: I had a lady that would pull up and she had a menu of pizzas she could make you. And she’d drop off the menu with whatever you wanted. And she had her thing fully branded.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s Houston, though.

KYLIE COX: That’s the Houston shit.

THEO VON: That’s Houston shit.

KYLIE COX: Ooh.

THEO VON: Let’s put these glasses on and be blind for a second. Look at these.

KYLIE COX: Is this a blind test?

THEO VON: You got to see if you can do it or not.

KYLIE COX: I feel like Alan from the Hangover.

THEO VON: Always.

KYLIE COX: Can you. How far can you see?

THEO VON: I can’t see at all.

KYLIE COX: Well, my vision was still ass, but I could see pretty. You look like a three blind mice.

THEO VON: You look like.

KYLIE COX: You look like.

THEO VON: Oh, you look cool, dude. You’re trying to be cool and blind. Don’t be that dude trying to sit back.

KYLIE COX: Do you want me to. Should I sit back like that dude?

THEO VON: Nothing’s crazier than that dude who’s trying to be cool and blind, dude.

KYLIE COX: He’s trying to post.

THEO VON: Up like he’s not blind.

KYLIE COX: Or whatever that is.

THEO VON: Well, if that’s what you’re doing. Dude, I’m.

KYLIE COX: If I had the money and I was blind, I would 100% pimp out a cane or something. Yeah.

THEO VON: Would you have a cane dog? I’d have four cane dogs. Dude. I’d be like that.

KYLIE COX: Oh, like the dog that get.

THEO VON: Oh no, like in the Iditarod, that race, you know, Alaska.

KYLIE COX: Like, damn, this motherf*er seeing for miles, bro.

THEO VON: I’d have five cane dogs. Two of them would be cane corsos and one of them would be a cocaine corso.

KYLIE COX: You probably haul ass on those things. They’re pretty fast.

THEO VON: I’d be so blind, I’d be a boss. They’d be like, “I don’t even need to see.” That’s how dope I am.

KYLIE COX: If you could pick one of your senses that you had to lose, which one would it be?

THEO VON: Probably eating p*y. What was the question?

KYLIE COX: Well, if you could lose any of your senses, that would be the feeling of. I don’t know, is that taste or smell or feeling? That’s three senses you knocked out right there.

THEO VON: Look, you need a lot of them to do it like I do it. Oh, really?

KYLIE COX: You got a carnival cruise buffet over there, huh?

THEO VON: I have no idea, dude. I would probably lose. Well, let me see.

KYLIE COX: First of all, wait, so do you actually, you get in there.

THEO VON: Do I do oral sex or whatever.

KYLIE COX: You frame it like that. You eat ass. Oh, whoa, dude, bro, you’re fishing in the same spot. What do you mean, bro?

THEO VON: I mean I’ve had a little.

KYLIE COX: But what do you mean, accidentally? Bro, calm down. You brought it up.

THEO VON: Don’t be the cool blind dude.

KYLIE COX: I’m not the cool blind dude. You put on glasses, immediately talked about eating. Yes. You’re trying to out. You’re trying to out aura farm me?

THEO VON: No, I’m not aura farming, dude.

KYLIE COX: I’m not. It’s not aura farming.

THEO VON: It’s not.

KYLIE COX: It’s aura farming.

THEO VON: What?

KYLIE COX: It’s a good dig for what? It’s like when. If someone thirst traps you. Sorry for interrupting you bet type shit, homie.

THEO VON: No, you’re good.

KYLIE COX: She f*ing with the motion. Oh, I’m just kidding. That’s a TikTok. Welcome to the Internet.

THEO VON: But I will say this, dude, I just want to suppose be. I don’t want you to be the cool blind guy.

KYLIE COX: I’m not the cool blind guy.

THEO VON: You look at you right now. Tell me you aren’t the cool blind guy.

KYLIE COX: I can’t see myself. Do I look pimp? But, dude, do I pull up to Dave’s Hot Chicken? You think they’re letting me skip the line?

THEO VON: All I can see is myself, homie. That’s where your energy’s at right now.

KYLIE COX: That’s what it. That’s why you wear sunglasses inside. There’s power in that.

THEO VON: Yeah. Dude, these are wild, huh? Yours look good on you.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know if I’ll take them off.

Netflix Reality Show

THEO VON: What else can we talk about? Oh, you had a new Netflix show. What’s going on with that?

KYLIE COX: Oh, it was awesome. I just went to war with a lady. Johnny Manziel’s ex-wife. And then.

THEO VON: Oh, was that John? Was Johnny Mizzle on that one?

KYLIE COX: No, it was Johnny’s ex-wife, and.

THEO VON: That was the ex-wife.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Her name’s Bre Tiesi. She does Netflix show.

THEO VON: Was Brianna Chicken Fry on that one?

KYLIE COX: No, she wasn’t. It was the people that were on this show, it was Dwight Howard. Bre Tiesi.

THEO VON: Who else? Dwight Howard was on there.

KYLIE COX: Marc Estevez.

THEO VON: Was he flirting at all with you, you think, or no?

KYLIE COX: I thought the casting was not by accident. Hey, I’m not going to read between the lines. I saw Dwight Howard. I was like, “Okay, these motherf*ers know what they’re doing and type.” There’s.

THEO VON: What.

KYLIE COX: There’s one time, I was walking around, and Dwight said, somebody’s like. He’s like, “Sketch, you got nice feet.” And I was like. I was like, “Dwight, you don’t want to be in this clip. I don’t know if you know, do. You do not want to be in this clip.” Thank God I did make the cut, but it was a great show. It was a great show. And honestly, all the people that I ended up fighting with made this show, so.

THEO VON: Oh, really?

KYLIE COX: I do like a little bit of drama on reality TV, so that justice was there. Yeah. You know Zach Justice.

THEO VON: Bring up Zach Justice. Let me see. I can’t remember if I do know him.

KYLIE COX: He’s a YouTuber, and he’s really into script writing.

THEO VON: I love this guy.

KYLIE COX: He’s awesome.

THEO VON: That’s who I thought it was.

KYLIE COX: He was.

THEO VON: He’s the best.

KYLIE COX: I don’t want. Well, I guess they’re not. He did great on the show.

THEO VON: He’s.

KYLIE COX: I’m going to say out in. So you can.

THEO VON: Every time I see him, I just feel like I always want to spend more time around him. He’s a great guy.

KYLIE COX: He is a great guy. We’re trying to. We’re trying to think of a show to do together.

THEO VON: Yeah, that’d be a great. I mean, he’s just. Yeah, but you guys are so, people love y’all. You know, on that show, I saw that you guys didn’t have your phone for. How long was it for?

KYLIE COX: Seven days.

THEO VON: Was that tough? What was that like?

KYLIE COX: It made me schizophrenic almost. Not like. It wasn’t that. It was not having your phone was cool. You got to lock into the conversations, but the game in itself made you kind of. Because you’re cut off from the world, you can’t really eat because the food’s shitty. And then they don’t tell you the time of anything, so everything’s kind of thrown off.

THEO VON: So you could be eating a muffin. You think it’s breakfast. And it’s 1:15 p.m. Kind of pretty much.

KYLIE COX: Oh, but it’s like prison. The basis of the show is imagine there’s 12 people locked in prison.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Price point is a million dollars. And then commissary is high price. Things that can upgrade your lifestyle.

THEO VON: Okay.

KYLIE COX: So that’s the basis of the show.

THEO VON: But not having the phone. Did that start to tap in at moment where you’re like, I didn’t.

KYLIE COX: I didn’t mind it. I always wanted to play reality TV. I was locked in, and I was trying to. I was trying to get everyone voted off. That got me voted off rather fast.

THEO VON: Yeah. So it was fun.

KYLIE COX: It was fun. I’m just not good at making alliances.

THEO VON: Why is that?

KYLIE COX: You think too much of a talker.

THEO VON: Oh.

KYLIE COX: And too much of. Too much of an overthinker.

THEO VON: And not enough water.

KYLIE COX: Not enough. Clearly not enough water.

THEO VON: But you got to fuel that bubbler, homie. Can’t bubble if there’s no water.

KYLIE COX: We were limited to two drinks a night there, and it was one of water.

THEO VON: They were five grand a piece.

KYLIE COX: No, it comes out of the prize pot. So if you want to. If you want to relax, you got to. You got to drop 10 grand on the two drinks.

THEO VON: Dang.

KYLIE COX: That’s what I spent my money on, though.

THEO VON: I respect that.

KYLIE COX: Well, it’s not your money till you win. That’s how I looked at it.

THEO VON: Yeah. I like that attitude. It’s not your money till you win. Would you ever, you’ve done reality TV, would you ever do like Survivor?

THEO VON: No. I got asked to be on a show I think was Mr. Beast’s show or something. I didn’t go do it. I don’t know. I just have so much, I just have too much. I’m kind of taking a break from doing stuff because I’ve just been kind of burnt. I’ve just been burnt out.

KYLIE COX: Burnt out on doing content and stuff?

THEO VON: Yeah. Just like touring and stuff really took it out of me.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. So traveling can be.

THEO VON: Yeah. I just needed a break. You know, that’s what I need. But yeah, that’s pretty much been it.

Finding Balance Between Home and the Road

KYLIE COX: Do you feel better when you’re at home or do you like, does being home make you antsy? Like you want to be on the road again or how does it? For me it’s kind of like that.

THEO VON: It’s kind of a mix I guess. I think, you know what’s weird is I attach a lot of my, I think my self worth probably to if I am, I think if a woman is interested in me or not. Does that make any sense to you?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, but in terms of an actual woman right now or in terms of your job?

THEO VON: No, an actual woman. So I think it’s like I start thinking, oh, I’d like to, you know, I think if I had a, I don’t know. It’s all weird to say it’s like if I had a relationship or something I was really focusing on, I feel like it would be more nice to be at home because then it’s something I can start to work on and build a family and that sort of thing.

KYLIE COX: 100%.

THEO VON: But then since I feel like that’s not really happening in my life right now, which I’m not trying to, I feel like I talk about that all the time. So I feel like I start to seem like I’m whining about it. But so that part of me is then like oh, maybe I should just go back out on the road. You know, I’m saying there’s nothing really.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Trying to find and trying to, you try to find.

THEO VON: No, just because there’s nothing substantial here right now. Let me just go work. Let me just go work.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Keep your mind off of things.

THEO VON: Yeah. Just because in it. But then also that’s a little bit of a trap. So yeah, I think I’m just happy to be at home, let things settle, let things chill.

KYLIE COX: That’s what you can wrap your mind around and meet somebody.

THEO VON: And give me a chance to wrap my mind around things and even just to go to SEC games. It’s like, I didn’t have a chance to do a lot of that for years. It was like, dude, I think I’ve gone to eight SEC games this year. I’m going to go to three more before the season’s over. I’ll have been to an SEC game nine out of 11 weeks.

KYLIE COX: That’s insane.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, and that’s all fun and stuff. So when you do cool stuff, say you do a big show and you feel accomplished, who do you usually share that with? For me, before I had my girlfriend, say if I met someone big and I’ll be like, no way, this just happened. Is that something in a lady that you’re looking for or is that something you don’t have or do?

Sharing Success and Finding Connection

THEO VON: So what do you, when you say share something? Say if I had a fun show. It is kind of weird. Sometimes you just get back in your dressing room and you’re just there and it’s okay. My tour manager is great and the other comedians and stuff. That’s fun. So we had that bond. But there are definitely times where it’s like, yeah, you get back home and.

KYLIE COX: There’s no one to ground yourself.

THEO VON: Yeah, there’s not that. There’s definitely, you start to miss having some sense of home, right?

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: And then you start to wonder, well, is that going to be something that’s in my life, you know, and it’s not like, yeah, I could probably find someone. But you want to, you want it to be a good fit and then.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Can you get through your own hurdles and stuff enough to make something like that work, you know?

KYLIE COX: And so you think it’s hard to date? Is it a hard dating pool or do you think you got high standards or do you have a guard up in terms of just being a public figure? Are you harder to trust?

THEO VON: No, I think I’ll probably all day, kind of just. I don’t, I think I’m good at knowing who to trust, kind of.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: And I think I’m good at, you know, I’ll try to just meet somebody here or there. Sometimes it is hard to make the time for it.

KYLIE COX: Making time for it. Definitely one of the hardest things about dating when you have to travel a lot.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Because then if you have an animal, who’s going to watch the animals or who’s going to be in the fort.

THEO VON: Yeah. Also, I have to realize I may have these expectations of things, but I have to let some of those go. It’s like, you know, I think there’s always been this part of me. It’s like, oh, it’s going to feel like whenever I met somebody when I was 17 or 13, you know, there’s always this romanticizing the issue, you know, or something.

And then it’s like, oh, well, I might meet somebody this way or this way. And it’s like, I’m always, in a way, kind of setting myself up for a little bit of being let down in those kind of senses. I think just turning it over to God. Letting you know, just be.

KYLIE COX: Letting your person come to you, versus really trying to look for.

THEO VON: Yeah. And let me find ways to just be in love with the world and being, make the best, be a part of positive things outside of what I want for myself.

Finding Purpose Beyond Yourself

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Because I saw, I remember watching the clip of when you did a podcast with Sal and that babe. I didn’t really ever want a relationship thing. Vulcan.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah.

KYLIE COX: Volcano. Or I’m talking pronunciation. But when he talks about having kids and a family and stuff like that. That stuff, I don’t know, it made me realize that I kind of wanted that. And then I stumbled upon it. So it was kind of got lucky, but it.

THEO VON: Was it tough for you. I know after the.

KYLIE COX: The leak.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Dude. I call that D Day. And I call the announcement or my apology, Sketch of the Union. Good branding. It was in the Sketch of the Union.

THEO VON: Oh, that was hilarious.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know what I did that day. Day was like, I found out that night the FaZe guys came got me.

THEO VON: I remember that part.

KYLIE COX: Banks called me. I was trying to get to the airport, but it’s midnight in LA, so there’s nowhere to fly. So I was.

THEO VON: And you were in LA.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, so I was without family, so I was just trying to get back to my family.

THEO VON: And then were they concerned about you or no?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, they were the first ones I called. So they were trying to see how they get me back. And then my management group ended up meeting with a PR person. You can kind of say or try to do that now, feel like fighting this battle. So I was like, f* it, we’ll go live. And just went live for 10 minutes.

And that was the most viewers I ever had. We had a hundred thousand viewers. I feel like Kim K when I say that. But that wasn’t the goal. But it was. Yeah, it was definitely. I was upper. Because I let it load for a sec so I could just, I didn’t want to start and.

THEO VON: Were you milling around as it was loading? Doing potentially low key gay while it was loading?

KYLIE COX: No, I was pacing around.

THEO VON: Okay. I was just checking.

KYLIE COX: Oh, wiener was the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t look at my phone. It was everywhere.

THEO VON: Yeah. Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Everyone text me. They’re like, stay off your phone. I was like, don’t worry.

THEO VON: I know, but they’re also texting you on your phone.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. And they’re being very. But everyone that reached out to me, it was crazy amount of support I got.

THEO VON: Oh yeah, dude. I remember everybody just a little bit concerned and just checking in. Because everybody just wanted to know that you, they loved you no matter what. Everybody’s done some wild, you know.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. And just happened on camera, I guess. But that was, I don’t know that since then it made it easier for me to date because then I feel like I didn’t have to hide anything or more open.

THEO VON: You just.

KYLIE COX: And you also not open like we do crazy s* or something. More like.

THEO VON: Yeah. Not like you’re another one of Dwight Howard’s rebounds or whatever.

KYLIE COX: You know, dude, get Dwight out of this clip. He’s a great guy. I know I mess with you. I’m messing you. I’m never serious. I do think that casting was on purpose, but.

THEO VON: Oh, they definitely.

KYLIE COX: Oh, there was a couple dynamics of the casting that I kind of knew pre, preloaded in when I was. Because I was the first one in. Zach Justice and this another lady had an online feud and they were both there. Yeah, they’re both casted. So I was like I kind of knew that right away. I was like, oh, this is going to.

THEO VON: It’s going to be interesting.

KYLIE COX: Let me sit back and watch.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s fun, dude. When you get to sit back and watch, dude.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. And then, yeah, it was a fun time, though. But, yeah, I don’t know, what was the question before the D Day whole thing?

THEO VON: I don’t even know. I just remember we had kind of talked about that because it kind of had. Oh, there you see the thing loaded. And so then you just kind of said, oh, yeah, you just shared what was going on.

KYLIE COX: It allowed me to be more yourself. Not in a fluid way. More like I don’t have to worry about or, it’s already out there. So people already know I don’t even have to talk about it or whatever. So it’s like.

THEO VON: Did you feel like people treated you any different after? No.

Dealing with Public Scrutiny

KYLIE COX: Maybe some people. Not a lot of people that talked bad about me have retracted since then because I didn’t make it about, I didn’t choose for it to come. I know I didn’t post it online, but I didn’t go drop it on my channel or something. I don’t feel like anyone treated me any differently.

THEO VON: We cannot talk about it if you want.

KYLIE COX: No, I don’t care.

THEO VON: Okay.

KYLIE COX: I don’t care.

THEO VON: Yeah, I didn’t feel like you’re uncomfortable, so.

KYLIE COX: No, because it links back even to our first podcast. When I told you about that prayer, that was during that time.

THEO VON: Yeah, I remember that, dude.

KYLIE COX: So that was why I couldn’t even talk about it then.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah.

KYLIE COX: I couldn’t even open with you, but now I can openly talk about it.

THEO VON: Yeah. Oh, dude, there’s been times in my life where it’s just like, yeah.

KYLIE COX: And I’m sure it’s that with a lot of people, for different, everyone has their different vices and stuff. Things that they try to keep hidden.

The Weight of Shame

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. We all have things that would admit that make us feel or that for some reason have so much shame attached to them or they may have shame even though it’s just, it’s odd that we live in a society where, because yeah, the truth is you’d probably want people to just kind of share so they feel free.

But the amount of shame, I wish there was almost a meter of the amount of shame we all feel. The things that are kept hidden, or the things that we feel we need to keep hidden.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Shame and being nervous, the two things that I probably struggle with the most that are things that you can control but also you can’t control at the same time. You feel the emotions but you can rewire your brain with your thoughts, but at the end of the day, however nervous you are, it doesn’t change the outcome.

THEO VON: Oh yeah, huh.

KYLIE COX: Same thing with the shame. You can wear the shame.

THEO VON: You can feel so horrible about yourself, but it’s not going to really affect anything except for you.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Other people, people come up to me and still show me love or whatever and I love them. But if I wore the shame 24/7, it wouldn’t do anything. You have the moments but.

Growing Past Self-Worth Issues

THEO VON: Yeah, I think there’s things that you feel you have to wear the shame. I know when I was growing up I was so ashamed of myself and I don’t even know why. I was probably ashamed of myself for even existing as a kid.

I think I was in just such a place of low self-worth and of nobody teaching me how to have any self-worth about myself or ever even having a conversation of what self-worth meant or what it even was. So to me, I just almost just felt so embarrassed to even be anywhere sometimes because of just kind of how horrible I felt about myself as a child.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Do you carry any of that still? Do you ever feel like you’re not?

THEO VON: I don’t. I think a lot of it’s gone away. I think some of it’s just age getting older. I think ayahuasca, that kind of stuff helped.

KYLIE COX: Really?

THEO VON: Oh yeah. Going to therapy, that’s helped a lot.

KYLIE COX: Therapy definitely helps me.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: I started doing therapy. Well, I’ve always done a little bit of therapy, but I usually ghost him.

THEO VON: After the third or fourth time.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, if I feel good now.

THEO VON: Then your therapist was Sam and Colby trying to get in touch with you on a Ouija board after that.

KYLIE COX: He’s ripped damn near. I talked to, I re-talked to a lot because I went, I had a therapist before I started streaming. Then I still have one now. And he was, because of doctor rules, you’re not really, can’t tell people who you’re working with or whatever.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: And he said he saw me on TV one time and wanted to tell his wife, but he couldn’t. I was like.

THEO VON: He’s like, look at this handsome little woman.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, exactly what he thought.

Lesbian Allegations

THEO VON: Look at this handsome softball coach right here, bro. Low key, you do now. I’m really feeling it, dude. I could see you as a kind of a white Filipino lesbian.

KYLIE COX: I’m a little Mexican, but I’m not.

THEO VON: Is that the sound? I feel that would, when you open your, when you open your little lesbian eyes in the morning, that’s the sound.

KYLIE COX: That’s the sounding thing. Oh, my God. I got to change the way I dress.

THEO VON: I’ve been getting for it. You need to do overalls. I’d go with overalls.

KYLIE COX: No, no. Now you’re trying to set me up.

THEO VON: I’d go with a tattoo, too.

KYLIE COX: You wore overalls, you would get lesbian allegations out of the wazoo. Dude, no wonder you love eating.

THEO VON: There’s nothing.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, he’s only talking about eating.

THEO VON: Bro. Dude, all I’m saying, dude, you’re way more of a lesbian looking than me, dude.

KYLIE COX: Then you get right here.

THEO VON: What?

KYLIE COX: And then from the back, too. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

THEO VON: From the back. That’s your old trick.

KYLIE COX: No, that’s not my old trick. Yeah, you’re going to keep me out of that, bro.

THEO VON: I’m saying, dude, bro, I’ll say this, dude, you’re way more, dude, all you need is, you need to start getting, you’d have a tattoo. It says “this he don’t run” on it.

KYLIE COX: My God. That is absurd.

THEO VON: That’s what.

KYLIE COX: You know, I’d have a tramp stamp for sure, though. Oh, I would have a tramp stamp. And what would it say?

THEO VON: You have to have some wording above it, too. Use perplexity to bring up the best lesbian tramp stamp wording that you could have.

KYLIE COX: It’d be, what do you call those things? Where it’s just, who’s the red guy from Star Wars?

THEO VON: It’d be like his tattoos. Queer D life. You can’t, that’s not it. Saying it says that.

KYLIE COX: Is that what it says?

THEO VON: Queer or lesbian pride symbols are phrases like “D life” or incorporating lesbian trans pride colors or hearts. Okay, so you could have a rainbow. Maybe bring up some great lesbian kind of, what would you call them?

KYLIE COX: Streamers or just?

THEO VON: Just a something you would have on a tramp stamp if you were a lesbian.

KYLIE COX: Lesbian stamps or lesbian bumper stickers.

THEO VON: These are good ones. “Love is love.” “You are my today and all of my tomorrows.” That’d be a crazy tramp stamp tab.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, I don’t know if that’s a tramp stamp. You kind of need something more, I was thinking more of a design.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah.

KYLIE COX: You angel wings?

THEO VON: You would definitely be a bigger lesbian. Dude, do you think if we were lesbians we would go on a date or not?

KYLIE COX: I feel like you’d ask, you’d ask me out.

THEO VON: I don’t know about that.

KYLIE COX: Oh, you’re the one, you’re the one talking about it. And you’re taking me to dinner tonight.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah, that’s true. I forgot about.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Jeez.

THEO VON: First.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much.

THEO VON: Wow, thanks.

KYLIE COX: I can’t, can’t wait.

THEO VON: Okay. BLM homie type s*. Yeah, boy.

KYLIE COX: We’re going to take his Subaru.

THEO VON: We’re teammates, huh?

KYLIE COX: Right after practice, bro.

THEO VON: If we were two lesbians, dude, we would, we would get a lot of chicks, I think. You think?

KYLIE COX: I think we’d have a, we’d talk a good game.

THEO VON: Dude, if we were lesbians, dude, we’d get the hottest twins out there.

KYLIE COX: We would be the hottest twins we know.

THEO VON: We would get the hottest.

KYLIE COX: No, it’d be us. And we’d be the hot, we’d be the most sought after.

THEO VON: We would win an all lesbian uncle nephew contest.

KYLIE COX: Dude, that would be a good contest. We should probably try to run that one.

THEO VON: F. We would do great. God, we should have a fing contest. Men that look like lesbians. Dude, isn’t there something called Nambler? Whatever that, that was that thing.

KYLIE COX: A Nambler?

THEO VON: What’s Nambla?

KYLIE COX: What is that a mint?

THEO VON: No. North American man boy love associate. No, that’s not.

KYLIE COX: No. Oh, my God.

THEO VON: No. Dude. No.

KYLIE COX: Hey, hey.

THEO VON: Unlook.

Nashville Predators Branding

KYLIE COX: Speak of, you’re the delete whatever freaking Nashville Predators Nashville Pred is from. And that’s something y’all we need to have a conversation about too, is who the hell thought of the branding for the Nashville Predators? I was like, that sounds like a scary movie.

I walked past it and it said, it goes, he goes, say cheese. Yeah, I think it says “Go Preds.”

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: I was like, dude, that is not a good, you’re one letter off of.

THEO VON: Yeah. And what do you expect? They should have definitely predators get in free night or whatever that is.

KYLIE COX: They’re probably, they do. They should do that. WWE though.

THEO VON: They should scan the crowd for men just sitting by themselves at the Preds games. It’s like, now it’s time for the real pre. Make some noise. And they shoot just children’s T-shirts into the crowd.

KYLIE COX: Oh my God.

THEO VON: And then it’s just some guy, look at this guy just by himself. And he’s like, I don’t know.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, that would be a good, so they need to lean into that.

Meeting Athletes and WWE Legends

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Dude, I went to Hulk Hogan’s funeral, right? And who’s the head of the WWE? Who was the guy for a long time? Not Triple H. McMahon. Vince McMahon. He came out of the back and he did all of it. He’s like, “All right, one more time for the Hulkster. Let’s hear it for me.” He did all of it. And they played his music on the speakers in the church.

KYLIE COX: Oh, really?

THEO VON: I am. And he did all of the Hulk signs and stuff. That is so sick, bro. It was really, really cool, man. That was probably one of the best things that had happened.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. You met Hulk Hogan in real life?

THEO VON: Yeah, I met him when he was alive.

KYLIE COX: And did you have him on the podcast?

THEO VON: I did. Dude.

KYLIE COX: Dude, that’s crazy.

THEO VON: It was probably one of the most special moments ever. Just we got to lock arms just because he was such a part of our childhood, dude.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: I remember when I was a kid, it was we felt so low. We just felt such low lives. We were in this neighborhood and everybody, it felt everybody looked down upon us. We didn’t have anything. But when WWE came on, dude, that was something over in NWA Wrestling, because rich kids didn’t watch wrestling. So for poor kids, that was our sh*t, right?

Yeah. When that sh*t came on, dude, it was what’s…

KYLIE COX: What’s in…

THEO VON: What’s NWA? That was National Wrestling Association.

KYLIE COX: It was just a different…

THEO VON: It changed into, is that what I will?

KYLIE COX: Ice Cube in them.

THEO VON: Oh. It was also NWA. Yeah. Because Ns With Attitude or whatever, but yeah, but Vince McMahon, he came out and did all of Hulk’s things and stuff that all of his signature moves and the place was going ape. Yeah, that was really, and nobody even knew that he was there. And he came out of the back and everybody was just sitting in the pews. It was pretty special, man. Yeah.

KYLIE COX: That’s insane.

Connecting with Athletes

THEO VON: After you went through your thing, that kind of happened, did they have, were the, were sports teams still cool or was it weird?

KYLIE COX: They’re still cool. I mean, no one’s acted weird towards me. Everyone hit me up. That was before then. I never, no athletes really gave a… to be honest. Yeah, I mean, to a certain point, it’s you only know people as much as you know them, so.

THEO VON: Yeah, especially us, we just meet people and you don’t really know what they’re like, you know. Dude.

KYLIE COX: But there’s some, there’s someone that is so dope. I’ve met Joe Burrow a couple times. That dude’s cool as hell.

THEO VON: Oh, he’s great.

KYLIE COX: One of my favorite person that I’ve met so far is Cam Jordan on the Saints.

THEO VON: Really?

KYLIE COX: He’s one of the coolest, realest guys I’ve ever met. That’s also a lot of WWE.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Or no, UFC.

THEO VON: Yeah, that’s where I got to meet him.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, that’s where I got to meet him in the night when we were at F1.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s great, dude. What made him so unique, you think?

KYLIE COX: He’s just very personable. When you talk to him, it’s a real conversation. He’s locked in. Some people are, you know, you don’t talk to as much. But I got to talk to him on multiple occasions and yeah, just each time was left thinking higher and higher of him. Just all around solid dude. I bet the Saints locker room probably would say the same thing.

THEO VON: He’s a special guy, man. He’s very smart too, bro. He’s just really, I don’t know.

KYLIE COX: You’ve been in the league for a while too.

THEO VON: Yeah, he’s been in there, man. And he just stays healthy enough to keep playing and, you know, Saints have had a tough time this year. Jesus. I know.

KYLIE COX: I wish he was, I wish they had because I want him to win a Super Bowl.

THEO VON: I know. Oh, did he win one with Brees? I think he won one.

KYLIE COX: Did he, was it with Brees? How old is that? Would have been 2009.

THEO VON: Is he…

KYLIE COX: Is he that old?

THEO VON: I don’t know. What year is Cam Jordan in the league? You might be right. No, Cam Jordan is, I want a Super Bowl. He played anyone Saints since they were on which Super Bowl? Finally in 2009. He started playing NFL in 2011. Wow.

KYLIE COX: Oh, damn, he missed it. But he got to play with Drew, though.

THEO VON: Still pretty amazing, dude. Maybe that’s why I’m thinking of it, because there was overlap. Dude, we accidentally call, wide and accidentally. I called Max Crosby before they had a game the other day, and actually. And it was yesterday, but. And I was with Pavia where we were getting IVs and I was, dude, let’s call, let’s call Crosby. And to say what’s up to him, because Max is one of my favorite players. And he’s sick too.

Oh, he’s so sick, dude. And he’s literally in the locker room. I’m like, “Why are you wearing all your Raider?” I thought it was Halloween thing or something. Dude, we have a game in 20…

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: I was like, “Oh, sh*t, bro.”

KYLIE COX: You used the college football schedule. What the hell are you wearing?

THEO VON: I was like, “Dang, I just use my one Max Crosby answers your call.”

KYLIE COX: Have you seen his chains in real life, bro?

THEO VON: Yeah, you let me hold one of them one time at a WNBA.

KYLIE COX: Tell me that doesn’t make you want to get… Oh, it makes you just one. One that says “This Past Weekend.” What if I got you that for your birthday?

THEO VON: I don’t know. I think somebody would rob you.

KYLIE COX: Are you worried about getting robbed if…

THEO VON: I have a chain? Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Hit up some percentage. Yeah, I do a couple of these when we go to the 7-Eleven.

THEO VON: Couple of…

KYLIE COX: Couple of, tuck underneath.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Oh, to tighten up, dude.

Friends in Entertainment

THEO VON: My buddy Gianni. Gianni Paolo. Bring him up. He’s an actor. He was in, I think it’s Black Love or something. What’s the show called? Oh, it’s called Power Book Ghost 2 with Michael Rainey.

KYLIE COX: Okay.

THEO VON: And Johnny’s great, dude. One of the best guys ever.

KYLIE COX: Which one is he with all the… Oh, that’s him right there.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Can I get up to see real quick?

THEO VON: Yeah. Johnny Paolo.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Oh, dude, yeah.

KYLIE COX: If you’re a short, recognize him, dude, that dude’s sick, bro.

THEO VON: Short sighted lesbian, dude. You might do.

KYLIE COX: That’s, it’s short sighted lesbian.

THEO VON: You’re that.

KYLIE COX: I’ll tell you what. I’m a nightmare on the road. They should take my license. I’m just kidding.

THEO VON: You have a driver’s license?

KYLIE COX: Yes, I do. I can see. I can see cars. You just had to get up within…

THEO VON: Three feet of that TV because I…

KYLIE COX: Was looking at his jawline. He did, that’s why.

THEO VON: What?

KYLIE COX: No, I’m just kidding. I couldn’t see. It’s bad.

Health and Vision

THEO VON: It’s bad for one kidney. Bad eyes. Wait, is your kidney connected to your eyesight? Look that up. Dude, this is all making sense. Catch. You have to get some water.

KYLIE COX: There’s one right next to him. Thank you, sir.

THEO VON: There’s always one right next to him, and it’s always full.

KYLIE COX: I’m a glass full type of guy.

THEO VON: Kidney health is indeed related to eyesight, primarily because both the kidneys and eyes share common risk factors. And, dude, you’re already down to one bubbler. That’s why you only have, why you’re…

KYLIE COX: I’m going to fix it.

THEO VON: The thing is, you have one kidney, right?

KYLIE COX: As long as they make it to 30, I’m chill. No, I’m just kidding. But, yes, that’s why they thought when I was born with a birth defect in, for whatever reason, the way I looked, they thought I was…

THEO VON: Oh, for sure.

KYLIE COX: Well, I didn’t. I did well being here at Vanderbilt. You coming out, I started asking kids their question. I’m like, “How much are you ACT?” They’re like, “Oh, 33.”

THEO VON: It’s like, holy. One said to get, kid said he got a 39. He’s like, “If you get everything right, they just give you a 39.”

KYLIE COX: I’m like, “If you doubled my ACT score, I wouldn’t have gotten that score.”

THEO VON: Really?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, I got a 16 on my first one and then an 18.

THEO VON: 18’s pretty good. Some kid.

KYLIE COX: Someone who’s not very good at, some kid in our town, good.

THEO VON: Some kid in our town got a 21.

KYLIE COX: 21 is, that’s good. You have to get over 20 to get anywhere besides Arizona State or, you know, one of your in-state type of schools. Yeah, it’s competitive as hell. You know how hard it is to get in University of Texas.

THEO VON: Pretty tough, huh?

KYLIE COX: Well, with how big those high schools are, you have to be a top percentage to get auto admitted. So you have to be top…

THEO VON: Well, people need to go to trade schools. Did you ever think of learning a trade?

The Camping Lighter Incident

KYLIE COX: Could you see me with a flamethrower? I would blow something up, pull up the lighter clip. I didn’t even know that lighters could blow up. I was just trying to get out of a camping trip and threw a lighter there. If I had to do blue collar, too.

THEO VON: You could do it, dude. You would be a bro.

KYLIE COX: My old job was blue collar enough. No, you didn’t. You just put the lighter on the fire.

THEO VON: Oh, God.

KYLIE COX: You put it in.

THEO VON: Seriously? Yeah, I did.

KYLIE COX: No, you didn’t. I should have.

THEO VON: I didn’t.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know why I did that. Did you? Okay, so the story behind that. I was not trying to kill my friends. I was trying to get out of camping. Because when we planned out the streaming, we were like, let’s do a 24/7 camping stream out in the woods. And I was…

THEO VON: That was like, you’re losing lesbian points right now by denouncing camping. Go on.

KYLIE COX: Try setting up a tent at night, and then try filming at night. We had no lights. We’re just sitting around a campfire, and it was cold as hell. And I was like, if we lose our source of fire, we can leave.

THEO VON: Oh, I love that. Did y’all leave?

KYLIE COX: We went to Waffle House, grabbed a lighter, and came back, so I had to finish the night, but it did, dude.

THEO VON: Yeah, sometimes lesbian people, they like the dark because they can come up and be like, “I’m a man.” They could trick you in the dark.

KYLIE COX: There’s a lot of ladies that are stronger than me, probably.

THEO VON: Oh, definitely. Dude. I would watch you in some good physical competitions against some strong women.

KYLIE COX: If I did a streaming series where I fought UFC ladies, I’d probably get my a kicked. No, I definitely would. Holly Holm.

THEO VON: Holly Holmes. Pretty hot, too, and she’s very tough and competitive.

KYLIE COX: See, you’re definitely the lesson.

THEO VON: Oh, I’d let her kick me till I came. We can’t do that kind of stuff, dude. Yeah, she’s going to get really upset. She’s beautiful.

KYLIE COX: I think she’s going to kick your a.

THEO VON: I know.

KYLIE COX: I think she has, dude, kids, why we have to be. We go to these UFC events, too. We’re going to laugh.

THEO VON: Dude, we can’t say that, bro. She’s going to be… Holly. We’re just… She’s exceptional. She’s been.

KYLIE COX: I think you’re awesome, Holly. And I would take an autograph, and that’s what you need to start doing. You interview so many people. You should get… Do you not guess for game worn jerseys or anything?

Collecting Memorabilia

THEO VON: No, we’re just doing an auction right now, actually, for… We’re raising funds for different places we perform. Sometimes they’ll give you a jersey.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: We were formed…

KYLIE COX: And you’ll sign that and then you’ll auction it off.

THEO VON: Yeah, we’re auctioning off to a…

KYLIE COX: What about if someone comes on and you get…

THEO VON: I haven’t done that. I should have. Yeah, we did make.

KYLIE COX: We’ve got the homage hat. That’s a good start.

THEO VON: And this is Louis C.K.’s book.

KYLIE COX: That’s dope. Did he sign it?

THEO VON: He did sign it.

KYLIE COX: I’m a collector, not a seller. In terms of that type of stuff, for sure.

THEO VON: I would just… Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Keep it.

THEO VON: Some nice things that came in for sure. That people have given us as a gift. There’s Rainn Wilson’s book. Some lady made this real rat.

KYLIE COX: You actually read books or do you…

THEO VON: Oh, yeah, I love to read.

KYLIE COX: Is it a bedtime thing or is it a travel thing?

THEO VON: It’s a little bit of both. What is that as a rat king?

KYLIE COX: That’s a rat king. Oh, my God, that’s sick.

THEO VON: Because… Yeah, some lady made that.

KYLIE COX: That is such a pimp name.

THEO VON: So that’s pretty cool. Dude.

KYLIE COX: Dude, what the hell?

THEO VON: I know. That’s real rat right there.

KYLIE COX: Dude, that is insane. I need to think of a sick nickname.

THEO VON: I think we’ll eat the cheese out your a, homie.

KYLIE COX: Oh, well, sign me up.

THEO VON: I’m just saying if you want that. I don’t know what you want.

KYLIE COX: Well, we’ll just have to relaunch. I’m just kidding. What do you… But, dude, is this the Rizzler candle, too? I just noticed that.

Meeting The Rizzler

THEO VON: Yep. Yeah, that’s when he blew out Brizzler’s bonkers. Have you guys ever… I can’t.

KYLIE COX: I met the Rizzler.

THEO VON: Y’all ever done a sleepover or anything?

KYLIE COX: No, no, no, no, no. But he’s really cool, though. He’s like talking to a man.

THEO VON: He’s… Well, he’s six years old, but…

KYLIE COX: He’s like the confidence of a man.

THEO VON: Oh, there you guys are. Dude, he’s so sweet. I’ll tell you this. I was having a tough week and he sent me a really nice video.

KYLIE COX: Oh, really?

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: That’s a great kid.

THEO VON: I thought.

KYLIE COX: This is what I think’s going to… We’re talking about the biggest YouTube videos ever. And I think one of the biggest YouTube videos ever. I forgot who said it, but if the Rizzler did a… You know how they do for five star athletes, picking their college. The Rizzler picking his college. If he did that, on an announcement, a decision, that’d be one of the coolest videos ever. Yeah.

THEO VON: Yeah. I would love to see him go to college. Dude. I’d go. I’d help him. I’d tutor him if he needed it.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. If college is still around.

THEO VON: I know. I don’t know what’s going to happen. There’s a lot of…

KYLIE COX: A lot of AI. College now.

THEO VON: You think he’s kind of a wigger? You think or not?

KYLIE COX: The Rizzler.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: What classifies… What would classify you? Just a lot of swag or something?

THEO VON: Just being a wigger.

KYLIE COX: I’m possibly.

THEO VON: I think so.

KYLIE COX: He’s got something. He’s definitely got some flavor to him.

The Wigger Discussion

THEO VON: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. He’s got some flavor. He got some flavor. Do you… Because people classify you up there as a wiggy. You’re one of the few that’s kind of left or there’s kind of this resurgence. I feel like it’s kind of you. Bailey Zimmerman.

KYLIE COX: Bailey Zimmerman, Really? I don’t.

THEO VON: I just like wearing Jake Paul, probably.

KYLIE COX: I just… I like streetwear and rap and stuff like that.

THEO VON: Because that’s it. You qualify.

KYLIE COX: But I’m from Houston.

THEO VON: Huh?

KYLIE COX: Jake Paul’s from Ohio, bro.

THEO VON: People can be from… You think wiggering’s only from one area?

KYLIE COX: Dude, don’t. No, no, no, no. I bet they’re from… They’re definitely from everywhere, bro.

THEO VON: Not only you nearsighted, actually, optically, but your views of wiggers are hella nearsighted. I mean, wiggas can be from anywhere, dude. You think Lewis and Clark were f*ing wiggas, dude?

KYLIE COX: Houston’s pretty… He was pretty diverse. Oh, you think Lewis and Clark.

THEO VON: Bring up a picture of Lewis and Clark. Let’s see if they were wiggers or not.

KYLIE COX: No. No way.

THEO VON: Hell yeah.

KYLIE COX: No, they’re closer to lesbians. These are also paintings, not actual photos.

THEO VON: Can we get real photos of them, please?

KYLIE COX: Is that Sacajawea?

THEO VON: Who knows?

KYLIE COX: This Sacagawea is a pretty cool name now I think about it.

THEO VON: Look at these wiggers, dog.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know.

THEO VON: Merryweather Lewis, homie. That’s the blackest name I ever heard in my life, bro. And Willie Clark.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, Willie Clark.

THEO VON: Oh, come on, bro.

KYLIE COX: They do have probably the best tandem name. That’s probably the first tandem in American history, bro.

THEO VON: And you know they was out there looking for, homie, you know that.

KYLIE COX: That’s exactly what they’re doing. The hell are you… What do you get by going to the west coast?

THEO VON: Scoping for chicks, dude?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, you’re trying to get some.

THEO VON: Get to books, bro. They were looking. There was only frontiers, dude. Them was out.

KYLIE COX: They climbed mountains to get it. So, yeah, all you have to do is swipe or sell at a Joe in Columbus, Ohio, and then you just… Right, right after it.

THEO VON: What about any of the Phase Clan? Those guys are all wiggas, probably.

KYLIE COX: You think adapt is okay?

THEO VON: That’s one.

KYLIE COX: In probably. Yeah.

THEO VON: Or probably more like tech wiggas, maybe.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Can we say wigga or not? We can say it if this is your show.

KYLIE COX: I don’t. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t.

THEO VON: You’re here, dude.

KYLIE COX: I’m just… I just… You didn’t say anything.

THEO VON: Yeah, we’re just talking about it. It is a term. The first one was from our town, dude.

KYLIE COX: Really?

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. Shout out Brian Purvis, dude. Who else? Bubba Sparks. Remember him?

KYLIE COX: Who the hell is Bubba Sparks? Is that someone from your hometown?

THEO VON: College Park? Bubba Sparks. “We Ready.”

KYLIE COX: He made that song?

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Oh, that’s a great song. Is Paul Wall… Paul Wall.

THEO VON: That’s not Paul Walls, Bubba, but.

KYLIE COX: I know, but Paul Wall would classify us.

THEO VON: Paul Wall, white Paul Wall. Paul probably will. Yeah, but Paul Wall.

KYLIE COX: That’s what I’m trying to look like when I get older.

THEO VON: Gang, gang, gang. Paul’s exceptional, man. But yeah, I’m trying to think. And some people might not think their term is legit anymore. I don’t know. When I was coming up, it was. And that’s what it was.

KYLIE COX: The dictionary, it’s shrunk quite a bit over.

THEO VON: Rob Kardashian. That’s one.

KYLIE COX: Probably Rob Kardashian. I haven’t seen a picture of him in years, but he got a…

THEO VON: Couple baby mamas in there.

KYLIE COX: Birdman.

THEO VON: Birdman, I believe is full. Is black. I believe it be black.

KYLIE COX: No. What Birdman?

THEO VON: Are you talking about Chris Anderson?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, Chris Anderson.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah, definitely, dude.

KYLIE COX: Machine Gun Kelly, maybe? Or is he a good question.

THEO VON: MGK. Kelsey. Travis.

KYLIE COX: Kelsey? Yeah, I think so.

THEO VON: Okay.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know. Taylor Swift, probably.

THEO VON: He might have converted. Yeah, he might.

KYLIE COX: Listen to Taylor Swift all the time.

THEO VON: Who else? I’m thinking K Fed. Kevin Federline.

KYLIE COX: Pavia.

THEO VON: Yeah, dude. Pavia for sure.

KYLIE COX: Does he have chains?

THEO VON: Yes, he does, bro. Dude, for sure.

KYLIE COX: How much is the probably of NIL money?

THEO VON: Does it say online, bring a Pavia’s chains right there. There he is right there with a couple chains on, right?

KYLIE COX: Oh, tell him to. I want him to toss those on me pregame.

THEO VON: He’s the best.

KYLIE COX: Come out of there with a free Jane.

THEO VON: We got to get him to go play for Houston, man. Houston would love him. You know why? The Texans. Yeah.

KYLIE COX: No, no, not Shroud.

THEO VON: Oh, but Shroud. But I’m saying this could be. Oh, but he could go in and be a backup for a few years, you know?

KYLIE COX: Oh, Pavia could go. Do you think he could start or?

THEO VON: I think I could, but I think he’s 24, right. So he’s kind of on the order.

THEO VON: I think it’s better for guys to go in and be backups, though. A lot of these guys that get in so early, I don’t know if it’s great for him.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Well, the one that I think that shouldn’t be a backup right now is Shedeur Sanders for the Browns. He’s actually, dude, I’ve met him a couple times. He’s sick.

THEO VON: Yes.

KYLIE COX: He’s not cocky. He’s confident, interesting, and he just chills. Listens to his own music, and all he cares about is football. But he’s really smart. He documents everything he does, and from what I think he’s going to do, he probably has something that he’s going to be able to sell to an HBO, and it’ll be his entire experience when he films everything he does.

THEO VON: Oh, so really, he’s really locked in on the creative side and the tech side and the digital side, huh?

KYLIE COX: Yeah. I actually talked to him. We were, and he was asking me about, because he was going to live stream his pro day.

THEO VON: Mm.

KYLIE COX: And I was like, that’s actually a genius idea to kind of own your own content. And you know, why give it to some big ESPN and have all the recruits come in and put it on your thing, make money off it.

THEO VON: Do your own thing. Yeah, yeah.

KYLIE COX: It’s a really smart idea, but the idea that he’s filming everything, especially with how the draft turned out, and then if he turns out to be a baller, which I think he will be. He’s got that killer instinct.

THEO VON: Well, I think it’s great that he’s not playing this year in some ways. This is just my job.

KYLIE COX: I think he’s better than Dylan Gabriel, though.

THEO VON: Well, I think that they’ve definitely been having a tough time over there.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: But I do think it’s great that he’s not playing. Let all that stuff kind of wash away a little bit. You know, I’m saying because it was so much hype of him coming into the draft and everything and then have him get a chance just to be in that locker room. I think being in a new place and then also going right into the job seems very hectic. You know, and you.

KYLIE COX: And it’s like one bad game. People would be like rip them out and stuff.

THEO VON: Get him out of there. Right.

KYLIE COX: That’s what they would talk about, how quick the turnover time is now. Quarterbacks and stuff like that.

The Value of Patience for Young Quarterbacks

THEO VON: So I think if you can have more time there just to be in the facility, you know, to be in the venue and let people see who you are too. But yeah, I think Ty Simpson is great. I think he could be Ty Simpson. He’s the quarterback for Alabama. Sorry I’m back in college now, but yeah, so yeah, I’m thinking. I’m just thinking back in college.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Ty Simpson, he wasn’t Heisman front run.

THEO VON: So great. Yeah. I mean he’s really stepping into that job there.

KYLIE COX: It’s exciting. They turned. I did not think they were going to be able to turn around that fast. Because I thought NIL money was going to affect. Is all the NIL money. I’m thinking a Stanford, you know, people like that are going to come out of the woodworks and be able to pay people but Alabama just still kicking a.

THEO VON: Well, this is something, bro. You go there and they show you all the rings and the history of the program. It really. The glory over there is pretty wild.

KYLIE COX: That’s where I think, I wonder if Arch Manning’s playing. All right. But if Arch played at a smaller school, how crazy his stat line would be. If he played in the Big Ten or something, you know, he would have destroyed. I think he’s still going to. He’s still going to come on, but it’s just going to take a little bit more time.

THEO VON: Yeah, it’s going to be exciting to see what happens. And the good thing is that he probably doesn’t feel hurried. He’s been super patient about it.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: He’s probably enjoying his college experience which is, and not every beat of it has to be so overwhelmed with football. I bet it’s been a great experience for him.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. I wonder how overwhelming it is though when they think that you’re supposed to be the number one overall team going in. It’s like your first game, they expect you. They expect you to hit a home run at that at the start. Right.

THEO VON: See, that’s that pressure of even being a high draft pick in the pros. It’s just, and then we don’t even have a lot of experienced quarterbacks now because it’s like you either have these guys who have done, only the guys that have done well, it feels like, or you have just a lot of guys that, they just start them off so early. Yeah.

KYLIE COX: And they cycle them in and out so fast. It’s like a good example of someone that was cycled out too fast was Baker Mayfield. Baker Mayfield. That’s what I think. If the Browns don’t ever start Shedeur, they’re going to look back and it’s going to be like another Baker version where they had the guy, they go watch him be some other team’s hero.

THEO VON: So. Wow.

KYLIE COX: But I’m still rocking with Shroud. I’m still. I still believe in Shroud.

THEO VON: Has the organization being good to you over the years? Texans.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, they’ve been good. It’s just, it’s like college football is a lot more easy to stream, so I’ve been having a lot more fun with that because I can stream from the sideline.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: And I’ll go try to catch field goal, field goals and stuff like that. And then get a. I don’t know. The college atmosphere is a little bit funner, too.

College Football vs. The Pros

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. College atmosphere is fun, dude. Just, even just the youth of, is fun, dude.

KYLIE COX: How’s the, how’s the Vanderbilt? Because you’ve been to LSU and in Vanderbilt, one’s got an average GPA of 2.5, and the other one is, they’re going to build the next rocket ship.

THEO VON: Yeah. Well, they’ll be like, you know, in the Vanderbilt stands, you don’t have to have the Kiss cam at some games or the hot dog cam, you know, and it’s just a gay dude, you know? But it’s just, they’ll have the different. You know, at Vanderbilt, they have the Reading cam, those five people in the stands that are reading during the game.

KYLIE COX: No. That’s hilarious.

THEO VON: So it’s crazy, you know, you’d be like, oh, Catcher in the Rye, you know, and you’ll see a guy.

KYLIE COX: Look up, they go, have to go out there to study. Yeah.

THEO VON: So there’s a lot of that kind of thing. Oh, who’s tapped into some John Irving? Oh, Joyce Carol Oates.

KYLIE COX: I know. I’ve ventured into a fraternity house and then found out how smart everyone was. I was like, holy, this is.

THEO VON: Oh, you get in there. They’re day trading, and there’s, they have a new hedge fund. People leave at halftime because there’s a new hedge fund that just popped off. Right. So it’s definitely different energy at Vanderbilt. I think it’s all new to them. It’s interesting to watch a school kind of have this hysteria.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: And at the same time, try to decide, is this what they want for their school? What do they think about it? Because it’s totally new. I mean, it’s like.

KYLIE COX: Like being good at sports.

THEO VON: Oh, well, being good at football. Their baseball team has been amazing for a long time.

KYLIE COX: The Vanderbilt Whistler. Have you ever heard of that guy? Is that who it is? The Vanderbilt Whistler? You never heard of him? He’s the Vanny Whistler.

THEO VON: Oh. At the baseball game.

KYLIE COX: He’s apparently the most annoying. Well, I’ve been to a game. He is the most annoying fan in all sports.

THEO VON: Oh.

KYLIE COX: But he pretty much, he whistles the entire game as loud as he can. So when you’re watching the College World Series, he’s whistling.

THEO VON: I took my stepdad at a titty bar. Dude, he’d really. Yeah, it’s like, dude, they know you’re here. You haven’t tipped in two hours. They know you’re here. Everybody.

KYLIE COX: I went to, this is pre, pre my girlfriend.

THEO VON: Mm.

KYLIE COX: I went to a team, and then.

THEO VON: I want to learn how you met her. That’s what I want. I would love to find out about how the love took a place and what it took to make it happen, but yeah. Finish your story first. I’m sorry.

KYLIE COX: No, you’re good. Which place called the Rustic Frog and there’s a, it was 2:00 a.m. and there’s only two fellas in there. And the ladies were all probably in their higher 30s, and it was like they were throwing the ones like they’re paper airplanes at them. Is that the Rustic Frog or is, what is this?

THEO VON: Oh, that made nice boy. Oh, yeah. Them cheeks glistening.

KYLIE COX: Oh, is that it? Oh, hey, listen. This is a Louisville, Kentucky, thing.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. I like that.

KYLIE COX: Actually, I think it’s in Indiana. You have to cross. You have to cross the river.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s over there. New Albany over there. Rustic frog boy.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, they got a. I wouldn’t drink the tap water.

THEO VON: Oh, hell yeah. Well, I’ll make that booty burp.

KYLIE COX: Oh, you feel me? Oh, my God.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know if you’re playing.

THEO VON: It’s a little crazy.

KYLIE COX: I wouldn’t put my tongue up in there.

THEO VON: Yeah, that’s so. Look, and that’s not for everybody. That’s just, it’s kind of like, it just, that’s just a different type of CPR.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Trying to resuscitate a puffer fish. Oh, my God.

THEO VON: Resuscitate a puffer fish, bro.

KYLIE COX: I don’t know. That was the most, the random titty bar I’ve ever been to.

THEO VON: The Texans aren’t having such a great season this year. Do you think there’s any chance that Aaron Rodgers would come play for them?

KYLIE COX: If there’s any chance. Zero chance. He’s probably going to, he’s going to. He’s still playing on the Steelers. He’s playing pretty good, right?

Ayahuasca and Mental Health

THEO VON: Okay, that’s fine. I agree. He’s doing great over there. Do you think?

KYLIE COX: Wait, so you did ayahuasca?

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Would you recommend it for me? He did it and he’s playing better. What would you recommend it for?

THEO VON: Sketch for sure. Dude. Yeah. You can’t barely see. First of all, you’re not even sure how many. If you have. You’re not drinking any water.

KYLIE COX: Is it one of those things that messes with your stomach at all?

THEO VON: No, dude, you’ll be fine. You’re on the verge of a severe LGBTQ extravaganza.

KYLIE COX: Lesbians know how to dress benefit. The most. I said lesbian in my life.

THEO VON: No, I think it’s great, dude. And look, if you go, I’ll go. Dude, I would not go be a lesbian by myself. But if you go, I’ll probably give it a shot.

KYLIE COX: But you’re halfway there.

THEO VON: And you’re the other half.

KYLIE COX: One hell of a bad b.

THEO VON: Dang, dude.

KYLIE COX: What does that say?

THEO VON: Benefits of ayahuasca. Significant reductions in depression, anxiety, stress and overall psychiatric symptomology. Help us people with treatment resistant depression increases mindfulness, acceptance and psychological well being. Even long term after use may foster personality improvements linked to better mental health outcomes.

KYLIE COX: And you felt like that was what?

THEO VON: Okay, 100%. Dude, I think you would absolutely love it. I want to know what happened. How’d you find love? Sketch, because you had been going through a lot.

Finding Love

KYLIE COX: A friend introduced us and you were on dates.

THEO VON: I remember seeing you on dates hard enough to.

KYLIE COX: But I remember seeing. Well, we. The first time we were here, there was a lady right.

THEO VON: There was a lady here that you were on a date with.

KYLIE COX: That wouldn’t work out.

THEO VON: That didn’t work out. I remember. But there was. There were times where you would see. There was. Is on a date on Tick Tock. There’ll be sketch on a date.

KYLIE COX: Oh, that was. That was more for content. This one. This a lady now. I met through a friend. She didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know who she was.

THEO VON: And how was the first date? How did it pop off? Where’d you guys go?

KYLIE COX: Went out and then I got her number and then we went horseback ride.

THEO VON: Riding. Oh, yeah.

KYLIE COX: It was pretty fun. And then was it scary? What was hung out pretty. Every. Every day since. Was it scary?

THEO VON: Was there any moments during the horseback riding that were kind of interesting or kind of?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, I ate off it. It was pretty hard to disembark. But, you fell off it getting off? Yeah, yeah.

THEO VON: Like it.

KYLIE COX: But besides that, pretty easy. Just riding.

THEO VON: And did you guys have a guide or was it just you two?

KYLIE COX: It was on a tour there.

THEO VON: Just out there. Lewis and Clark and a couple wigs out there pretty much. You guys just riding off into this.

KYLIE COX: Just trying to find gold. We got a gold digger instead. No, I’m just kidding.

THEO VON: Don’t.

KYLIE COX: Don’t put that in the gold.

THEO VON: Take that out.

KYLIE COX: She’s awesome.

THEO VON: She is. What are some things that you really like about her, man? What makes it a good fit?

KYLIE COX: She understands me. She’s kind. But there’s a ton of things I don’t. She’s probably she makes me better in a lot of different ways. She just holds me accountable and stuff. That’s dope. I don’t know. It genuinely feels like a partner. So it’s been fun.

THEO VON: Did you think you would find somebody like her or was that a surprise?

KYLIE COX: I wrote it out, so I was just, I’m just going to roll solo pretty much my whole life. And then that happened. And then pretty much just hang out every day now.

THEO VON: Wow. It’s like a best friend, huh?

KYLIE COX: Yep, pretty much, bro. You want me to put you on your girl? No, not with my girl. You’re the one talking about eating.

THEO VON: I said it one time.

KYLIE COX: You. But you, what do you want? Are you going to roof Crip City or Luby’s one’s. There’s two different types of dining.

THEO VON: Okay, dude, I guess all I’m saying is, yes, I’m open to meet a good woman, dude. That’s all I’m saying. It’s a look. It’s one at a time. It’s things take time. I’ll meet a good woman. It’ll happen. Antonio Brown gets out of jail. Is my last question for you. Antonio Brown gets out of jail. Do you think the Texans could use him?

Antonio Brown and the Texans

KYLIE COX: I think the Texans could use Antonio Brown. I think they could. They could.

THEO VON: What’s he in jail for?

KYLIE COX: He’s in jail for attempted murder, I think.

THEO VON: Okay. It’s attempted. Well, at least he missed, I think. Is that him?

KYLIE COX: Yes, that is him. Do you know what he did?

THEO VON: Huh?

KYLIE COX: Do you know what the story is? He was at a. He was at an Aiden Ross’s boxing event and gotten some.

THEO VON: Oh, I shoot myself if I had to go to that.

KYLIE COX: But we wouldn’t.

THEO VON: I’m joking.

KYLIE COX: It’s on. On. It’s on video. You’ve never seen that.

THEO VON: And he shot someone.

KYLIE COX: Well, he just running and it’s an alleyway and you just see him shoot. They kind of shoot at someone. That’s why I think it’s attempted or whatever. But I wonder why it took so long. It was cameras everywhere.

THEO VON: If he gets released, right, do you. Would you. Do you think the Texans should sign him?

KYLIE COX: I think the Texans, if we have another losing season, should have a prison league and then we should sign him and we should sign everyone that’s in prison and do it kind of like the longest yard.

THEO VON: Amen. And that’s what we.

KYLIE COX: That’s how we bring the back. The blue collar vibe of Houston.

Houston’s Lost Identity

THEO VON: Because we lost it, Y’all did.

KYLIE COX: We lost it. Yes. Because originally Houston was an oil town. And what happened with Houston was everyone, all the oil money guys, went and bought up all the rights to the seats, and now they don’t go unless you’re 10 and 1. They try to sell the tickets. They never sell them. And if they do, it’s the opposing team.

So all the tickets are owned by corporate oil. Oil and corporate construction. So it’s you don’t have any of the vibe of if you went to Pittsburgh. It’s the vibe you go to Green Bay. It’s the people. That the Houston kind of lost that they lost their identity.

THEO VON: Amen.

KYLIE COX: But we also had the Oilers leave.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Which if you’re a Tennessee fan, you.

THEO VON: Know that they ended up here, you all for that. Hey, look, what about the fact they almost won that first season? That’s crazy, huh?

KYLIE COX: Jeff was awesome. They on. On a freaking throne of things that we have put together.

THEO VON: And who. What was that last play? Tell me that last play.

KYLIE COX: Oh, was that when they reached.

THEO VON: Who did the reach?

KYLIE COX: I know, exactly. It’s against the Rams. Super Bowl. Look up. Tennessee Predators, 10 mile radius.

THEO VON: There’s going to be Kevin Dyson.

KYLIE COX: Kevin Dyson. That. That play is insane.

THEO VON: Yeah, this is it right here. Look at this. This is for the Super Bowl.

KYLIE COX: Yep. And you all deserve every ounce of. Every ounce of pain for that. You know what happened to us before we left? We went to the AFC Championship three times and lost to the Bills three times.

THEO VON: The owners did.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Y’all lost to them three times. And then they lost three times.

KYLIE COX: Yes.

THEO VON: Oh, my.

KYLIE COX: Imagine getting bitten, beat by the loser we’ve never gotten. Go to the party.

THEO VON: Damn.

KYLIE COX: That’s why when the Astros won, Houston lost their wide left.

THEO VON: Dude.

KYLIE COX: Well, we also have the Rockets, too, with Kevin Durant, so we’re looking nice.

THEO VON: Wide left, narrow.

KYLIE COX: What are you talking about? Your penis size or. What are you talking about?

THEO VON: Or wide right? What was their kick? Oh, the.

KYLIE COX: Oh, the. When? Who.

THEO VON: Oh, wait. Who’d y’all lose? Two, three times?

KYLIE COX: You said we lost to the Bills with Jim Kelly.

THEO VON: Yeah. Wide right. Yeah. That’s how they kept missing. God, that’s just heartbreaking times, man.

KYLIE COX: That’s just what happens.

THEO VON: That’s life, man. You know, some of you’re just really close, but you ever.

Pro Teams and College Football

KYLIE COX: Who. Who’s your. Do you have a pro team?

THEO VON: New Orleans Saints. We said Cam Jordan. It was awesome.

KYLIE COX: Oh, really?

THEO VON: They’ve had a really tough year.

KYLIE COX: So do you go to any games or do you. Do you watch them on Sundays, or are you kind of more college?

THEO VON: I’ll go watch the games, but I’ve really fallen in with college football this year.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, me, too.

THEO VON: You know, I’m going to go. Yeah, just. I’m going to an Ole Miss game. Went to a Bama game. Went to a Vols game the other night. That was pretty great.

KYLIE COX: Well, the other thing, too, that pisses me off is NFL now. It’s you can watch it on 20 different channels.

THEO VON: There’s just too much. It just doesn’t. I don’t know. Sometimes it doesn’t feel as much. I don’t know. It used to feel different.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, it’s way too transactional right now. You want to watch this game? Pay this. You want to watch it without ad, pay this.

THEO VON: It feels very transactional.

KYLIE COX: You want a $20 hot dog and then that? That was just a question for you.

THEO VON: No, no, I want a $2 Frank.

KYLIE COX: You can put it away then. Say again?

THEO VON: I’m still having change, man. I want that two dollar frank, homie. Sketch, man. Thanks for hanging out, dude.

KYLIE COX: Thanks for having me.

THEO VON: Yeah, bro, I’m looking forward. We got to grab some dinner. Yeah, probably. I’ll probably get a little workout in here at home and then I’ll come and link up with you.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, it sounds good. I’ll probably just we can get lubed up before. That’s what I’d call drinking before.

THEO VON: Oh, getting lubed up. Okay.

KYLIE COX: But that’s what I said before everything happened. Now when I say it, it sounds like a dirty joke. Yeah. Things change. That’s the only thing. It’s I can’t make as many dirty jokes without people thinking, hey, whoa.

THEO VON: Hey, that guy’s yeah, that guy’s one of us.

KYLIE COX: He’s being serious right now.

Future Aspirations and Creative Projects

THEO VON: Dude, what the heck, man? Good to see you, bro. I’m happy that you’re thriving. I’m happy that you’re still figuring it out. Outside of streaming, is there other stuff that you kind of see that you want to do? The landscape kind of changes a lot. You’re a creative guy. You’re a one of one. You’re so specific with who you are. There’s no other you, right? So do you find other avenues where you feel like this might be a good fit, or do you feel like streaming is kind of it for now?

KYLIE COX: Streaming’s it for now. But I definitely like reality TV aspects. I like hosting stuff. Hosting the Streamer Awards was fun. But if I had a dream, I want to be either in a movie or in a TV show where it’s like the office type vibe where it’s riffing and laughing all the time, or like Stepbrothers. I like how Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, and Kenny Powers and stuff like that. When you watch their blooper reel, it’s like they’re just shooting the sh*t. That would be a dream role.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah, dude.

KYLIE COX: Or to be able to find something that was like…

THEO VON: To cling to or treasure hunting. What about that?

KYLIE COX: We’re actually thinking about something like that.

THEO VON: Really?

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: See that 100, dude, we’re going to start.

KYLIE COX: Doing the geocache streams. You know, geocaching is where you go hide stuff and people go find it.

THEO VON: Geocaching is a real world treasure hunt using GPS enabled devices to find hidden containers called geocaches.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Wow. Dude, that sounds amazing.

KYLIE COX: It’s really fun, actually.

THEO VON: Oh, bro, it sounds fascinating. So wait, so you…

KYLIE COX: It’s all over. It’s all over the world.

THEO VON: So how would you be able to do it? Give me an example of what that would be like.

KYLIE COX: So you go on the geocache app and they give you the coordinates and they kind of describe where it’s hidden. You kind of have to go find it. It could be under a rock, it could be up in a tree.

THEO VON: And who hides this stuff? Anyone?

KYLIE COX: It’s kind of like a very community type thing. The people that take stuff usually replace it with something. You know, that type of vibe.

THEO VON: So it’s kind of like the burning man of treasure hunting. You take, you put, you get back that sort of thing.

KYLIE COX: It’s pretty sick.

THEO VON: And so people can hide anything. It can be a poem. It could be money. It could just be something like a positive affirmation. It could be anything.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Be pretty p*ssed if it’s a positive affirmation. It takes a while to get a lot of that stuff. If it just said “life’s good,” I’d be like, it cost me $30 in gas. We’re in California right now.

THEO VON: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would be a good reality show? Dude, I’m trying to think of some good names.

Reality Show Ideas

KYLIE COX: Influencers versus the real world. So you would take people and say like change a wind turbine. You know how it’s high up. So someone that’s scared of heights, take an influencer that, that’s their fear. Or take them and make them do a dirty job. They don’t like to do like change sewer or something.

THEO VON: And have them go against the actual person that does that for a job in the real world.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Either have it walk through or just something where it’s like, because people always go, “Well, is streaming harder than that?” That rage bait question.

THEO VON: But doing that, what rage bait question?

KYLIE COX: There’s a rage bait question that is streaming harder than a real job.

THEO VON: Oh, got it.

KYLIE COX: It’s not because you just turn on a camera and chill, but usually those type of people don’t have callous hands from dealing with blue collar work.

THEO VON: Yeah. You’ll have calluses on his fingertips just from hitting. You know, I got calluses on this…

KYLIE COX: Hand from rubbing my pecker too many times.

THEO VON: Oh, you’re a pecker. What was it? Another. Oh, are you smarter than a meth head would be good.

KYLIE COX: That is, that’s actually a great one.

THEO VON: Is that a show already?

KYLIE COX: I think there is a guy that goes around doing street interviews.

THEO VON: Dude, math versus meth, right? So somebody has to do math problems really fast before some meth head just chews their arms and legs.

KYLIE COX: If you found the right meth head, though, it’s supposed to make you stronger, apparently.

THEO VON: Oh, dude, for sure.

KYLIE COX: Do you know how meth was invented?

THEO VON: Huh?

KYLIE COX: You know, the Nazis invented meth.

THEO VON: Oh, they did?

KYLIE COX: Yeah, it was a Nazi invention to keep, because it lowers your appetite, keeps you up. And it was a way during World War II to keep their troops, because they’re fighting in Russia.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s a good point. Huh? Right here it says methamphetamine, known as Pervitin during Nazi Germany, was first synthesized in a usable form by the German pharmaceutical company Temmler Werke in 1937. It was introduced as a legal stimulant similar to coffee, and quickly became popular for its ability to keep users awake and alert. Fck yeah, dude. Meth versus math. Some dude walked into a classroom, huge math problem. He’s got to solve it. He has 30 seconds before a meth head gets loose, starts nibbling his fcking nipples off.

KYLIE COX: You know more than a nipple off. Oh, dude. Yeah, a little bit. I think they talk about meth and that thing like they talk about Coke and Coca Cola back in the day. Meth was f*cking. I’ve never done meth.

THEO VON: That would be crazy. Mom and dad me. Yeah, yeah. Mom and dad never done meth. Yeah, dude. I’m trying to think of anything else that would be a good game.

KYLIE COX: Like a good game show.

THEO VON: Yeah, like a good game show. I think that math thing would be good. Or anything else we didn’t talk about. I think we covered a lot of stuff. Huh?

KYLIE COX: We covered a lot of stuff. You got anything else you want to talk about?

Reflections on Life and Faith

THEO VON: No, I think it’s just like, I think for me, I just realized I just got to let things be, you know, just let this. Sometimes you try to plan, you try to think of this, and you can have some planning and stuff like that, but just to take a step back and just let things be sometimes, you know?

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Soak in the moment. Yeah.

THEO VON: Just give things a chance to be a little bit more and see what happens, you know, it’s hard for me to sometimes.

KYLIE COX: Are you a person that you don’t realize the good times after you’re out of the good times type? In the moment, you’re just…

THEO VON: I have so many carrying different expectations or hoping this happens, and you know, just somebody’s just, “Hey, man, let it be.” And just that God’s got you here for a reason and that this is what’s going on and that everything’s going to be okay. Even though you might have different ideas and stuff, that everything’s going to be fine.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. You know, definitely. Having faith is a big…

THEO VON: So I think just working on that. Probably a little bit more something that, you know, I’m thinking about a lot.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Bubble is here for you if you need anything.

THEO VON: Yeah, thanks, man. I know that. I appreciate that. You always check in with some positive energy or see what’s going on.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, you FaceTime me in the sauna.

THEO VON: I appreciate that. Yeah. Pretty cool.

KYLIE COX: You’re pretty liquid it up.

THEO VON: That was sweat.

KYLIE COX: That was a lot of sweat.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Lights were off, too.

THEO VON: I couldn’t get them to work.

KYLIE COX: Who gets in a sauna without the lights working? Dude, bro, that is. I told him. That’s a bath house. That’s not a sauna. The lights are off and it’s a sauna. That’s your brother.

THEO VON: You’re…

KYLIE COX: We’ve been in the same place. Come on, brother.

THEO VON: That’s a…

KYLIE COX: No, you weren’t reaching for the door.

THEO VON: Why is there…

KYLIE COX: Why is there so many holes?

Childhood Memories

THEO VON: Holy. Here’s what I’m saying is, dude, you remember the first time that you ever saw a tit when you were a kid or not?

KYLIE COX: Not the first time or…

THEO VON: You ever touched a tit or saw a real tit?

KYLIE COX: I’m trying to think of the first time I saw a real one.

THEO VON: When was that time you saw a real tit? Remember it?

KYLIE COX: I’ve been seeing so many now.

THEO VON: Oh, my bad.

KYLIE COX: No, not like that. More just tit.

THEO VON: Ricky, over here, dude.

KYLIE COX: The platypus.

THEO VON: Dude, I’m just saying I had a little…

KYLIE COX: Sounded like you had a lot. A whole mouthful, bro.

THEO VON: We had this kid named Reginald who had seen a tit, right? And people heard that he had seen one. And we were like, “Reginald,” we’re like, “Reginald, what did it look like?” And he had a little bit of a stutter kind of, and he couldn’t even tell us. And we’re trying to shake it out.

KYLIE COX: Trying to get the. We had a waterboard of him to get the…

THEO VON: Draw that tit, Reginald, you know, and he’s like, “tit.” And with tit, you can’t tell if somebody’s stuttering or they’re just saying tit over and over again, dude. It’s kind of tough to know because there’s not a lot of letters in it or whatever. Yeah, like, damn it, Reginald, tell us what it was like.

KYLIE COX: You remember the first one you saw then? Or it was Reginald.

THEO VON: Reginald saw it. We all cornered him, dude. I remember the next day we saw him at school. We’re like, “Reginald saw a freaking tit. Reginald, you better get over here right now.”

KYLIE COX: Yeah, you got to show us.

THEO VON: And Reginald, I think, was low key gay, so he didn’t, he shouldn’t even have been seeing a tit. Which I think is one thing that made everybody kind of upset. Like, dude, we’ve all been praying for kids’ tits.

KYLIE COX: And Reginald gets over the one guy that doesn’t like it. The one guy that doesn’t like it.

THEO VON: The one guy who’s like that. Oh, that’s a small little tummy with a bump on it, you know? What are you talking about? Reginald? That’s a tit.

KYLIE COX: That’s a succulent. God.

THEO VON: First you just wanted to just shake it out of him. That’s a damn titty, Reginald.

KYLIE COX: The first dip light. So I had so much hair and it looked like a Venus fly trap.

THEO VON: Ooh. And who was he?

KYLIE COX: Who was he? No, he was. It was a she.

THEO VON: Yeah, sure it was. Huh. All right, we’ll see you. We’ll see you guys in the future, man.

KYLIE COX: Definitely. Are you talking about them in the future or us?

THEO VON: I’m going to jump on your stream tomorrow, man.

KYLIE COX: Let’s do it.

THEO VON: Help make some fun content.

KYLIE COX: Yeah. I’m so down.

THEO VON: I’ve never done it. The only other stream. Yeah, you did.

KYLIE COX: Speeds.

THEO VON: I’m going to jump on. I got to meet Speed. That was the first time I’d ever met him, so it’s kind of a lot. He showed up. Dude, his life’s insane though.

KYLIE COX: He moves like the president. It’s insane.

THEO VON: I mean, he moves like the president. Speed had more. He had as many people around him as I would say, like when I saw the vice president.

KYLIE COX: And it’s insane. I went to a soccer game and we were in the same box and there’s kids and people. He left at halftime because there was kids just below his feet just going “Speed, Speed, Speed.”

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: I was like, holy…

THEO VON: It was pretty miraculous to see, but just to get to see it. Say it, Reginald. Just to get to see him and see what his world was like was pretty awesome. Yeah. And the fact that he came by, it was nice of him. That’s just a lot of pressure doing that. He was doing a 50 state tour or something.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, he’s awesome. He’s actually really cool. I got to meet him a couple times.

THEO VON: Yeah, he seemed like a cool guy, man. I mean, he was cool. He’s just, it was so quick.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, that’s why when I do my streams or whatever, I usually like to meet the people beforehand and just at least say hey.

THEO VON: Yeah, yeah.

KYLIE COX: Because then you know what people like and don’t like and that type of stuff.

Wrapping Up

THEO VON: Yeah. Well, thanks so much for hanging out, dude. It’s great to see you again and seeing you this weekend and taking a…

KYLIE COX: Pair of those shoes too.

THEO VON: And these.

KYLIE COX: Yeah.

THEO VON: Yeah. Dude, these are awesome. You can’t see, but these are great.

KYLIE COX: Oh really?

THEO VON: Yeah, these are great, dude. I do these new Jordans.

KYLIE COX: Are you serious?

THEO VON: Yeah, the retirement Jordans. These are f*ing slippers, dude. These are imprisoned, actually. These are some spaghetti sauce.

KYLIE COX: You’re going to find a lady in that.

THEO VON: That’s the problem.

KYLIE COX: I think I could style you.

THEO VON: You might be right.

KYLIE COX: Let me. If I threw a chain on you, you think that would work?

THEO VON: Maybe we do that, and then suddenly I’m wearing your…

KYLIE COX: Yeah. Depends on which closet you go in.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KYLIE COX: Might come out looking like Wonder Woman.

THEO VON: Yeah. Might come out wondering about men.

KYLIE COX: All right, bro.

THEO VON: Love you, dude. Thank you so much for just being alive and creating cool stuff. You’re going to do so much creative stuff in the world, and I’m happy to be here to witness it and always hear from. I can help her. And thank you, too, for just being somebody to reach out and check in and see what’s going on.

KYLIE COX: Yeah, bro. Love you.

THEO VON: Love you, too, man.

KYLIE COX: It’s always fun to be here.

THEO VON: BLM, Dude.

KYLIE COX: BLM.

THEO VON: I’ll see you in the Subaru.

KYLIE COX: Let’s do it.

THEO VON: Love you, girl.

KYLIE COX: Oh, but when I reach that ground I’ll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it’s going to take…

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