Why You Should Try Therapy Yesterday: Dr. Emily Anhalt (Transcript)

Dr Emily Anhalt at TEDxBoulder

Following is the full text of clinical psychologist Dr. Emily Anhalt’s talk titled “Why You Should Try Therapy Yesterday” at TEDxBoulder conference.

Dr. Emily Anhalt – TEDx Talk transcript

In 2009, when I scheduled my first therapy session, it wasn’t because I thought I needed it. I wasn’t in crisis. I had no pressing mental health issues that I was aware of. If anything, I fancied myself a particularly self-aware individual. People came to me for advice.

So no, I scheduled that first session, because I was starting grad school to become a clinical psychologist. And I figured I should probably sample the product that I was training to sell.

Therapy felt useful to me pretty quickly. It was nice to have a place to vent, but it didn’t necessarily feel like a lot was changing, because after all, I didn’t have a lot to work on.

But about eight months in, I had my first big epiphany. I’d spent the past several sessions agonizing over a big choice I had to make, going back and forth for weeks, when finally my therapist said, “Emily, what if there isn’t the right choice. What if there are just choices here? And no matter which one you pick you’re going to gain something important, and you’re going to lose something important.”

Something about this idea legitimately blew my mind. But it wasn’t until later that I remembered that she had said this to me already months before, when I was debating some other choice. I just hadn’t been ready to hear it then.

My biggest fear in life is loss, and I do a lot to avoid it. It took me eight months of therapy to build the strength to accept that every choice I ever make will require me to mourn the loss of every choice I can no longer make as a result. It turns out that growth and grief are deeply intertwined.

But this realization gave me faith in the process of therapy. So I decided to commit myself to it in a new way. Rather than feeling like I didn’t have anything to work on, I started trying to figure out what role I was playing in my own life.

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I learned my patterns. I uncovered buried emotions. And I accepted that I am the common factor in all of my life circumstances.

And then several years into therapy, I looked around and realized that everything in my life had shifted for the better. My relationships were healthier. I was being clear with my needs and boundaries. I was more resilient when tough things happened to me. And the voice that I used to speak to myself was more compassionate and kind.

People in my life noticed and asked for help finding their own therapists. And all the while I was in school learning about how and why this even works. I was learning about how powerful it is to have a trained objective person to help you understand the most beautifully complicated thing there is: your own mind.

Now being in therapy for several years might sound like a long time, because our culture is kind of obsessed with the quick fix. If you want to ride to the airport right now, you can get it. But the hard truth is a shift in our emotions is not as easy to manifest as an Uber.

We need to stop trying to find easy solutions for complicated problems. And so much of what we do in life is an attempt to find shortcuts to relief.

The trouble is so often those shortcuts end up exacerbating the problems they’re trying to avoid. Disappointment that isn’t expressed calcifies into resentment. We numb emotions we don’t want to feel with substances which leads to a whole new set of problems. We avoid discomfort in the short term at the expense of our long-term health.

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