TRANSCRIPT: The Boy Who Lived: Surviving Harry Potter – David Holmes

Unfortunately, I broke my neck. I hit a wall and separated my spinal cord at the C6 C7 vertebrae just about here. I went from heaven and hell to hell in just under a second.

There’s no doubt what happened to me was a tragedy. Not just for me, but for my loved ones, my family, and also my work colleagues. For some, the guilt has never gone away. But with 15 years breathing space, I can honestly say breaking my neck made a man of me. Just like Harry, I had to grow up.

Lessons from the School of Hard Knocks

So why am I here today? Well, some people say it takes two years to recover from a major trauma like what I had. And I’m here to tell you, that’s total bollocks. It’s an uphill battle. One that takes place every day. The physical damage is equal to the emotional kind.

As a stuntman, I had to be flexible, able to manage my fears, constantly working on improving myself, handle pressure, and also constant and willing to be challenged. Turns out that was a perfect rehearsal for being a quadriplegic. My new life takes even more mental stamina. It’s really, really hard work and also is 24/7, 365.

If you walk away from today’s video, lucky you. But if you walk away with a newfound perspective from what I’m about to share with you, then lucky me. So here you go – some of my own lessons from the school of hard knocks:

1. Always live in the present

So right now, I’m living in a body that’s going through a state of neurological decline. Every day I’m having to let go of the remaining function of this one side of my body. This comes with pain, frustration, and requires huge tolerance.

After my accident, I spent several years chasing my old life. You know, the one with the sausage rolls. But really, it was gone forever. Learning to love my new life takes time. And honestly, it’s a work in progress as it’s always changing.

There is a real chance, unfortunately, that independent breathing speech and swallow might be affected in my future. And what that means for me is in moments of clarity, I remind myself to be here now, to take a breath and be thankful that I can still do so by myself.

So I ask everybody at home watching this – take a breath. And now, as you let go of that breath, remind yourself that as you took that breath, someone on this earth is taking their last. So what might living in the present mean for you?

Okay, so I’m guessing most people watching this at home have looked at an old photo of themselves and wished to be that person again, whether it was more hair or less wrinkles. What that should mean to you and remind you is that most of us have forgotten to appreciate what we had when we had it.

I’m going to give you another example of this. I’m going to ask everyone at home to wiggle their toes for me. Okay, so hopefully you can feel it. Well, those nerve signals are traveling from your brain to your feet over 200 miles an hour. Take it from me. That is a gift. Don’t waste it.

In life, it’s great to make plans. But never forget to take a breath and wiggle your toes and try and be present when making those plans. Because the present really is the only time frame we have control over.

2. Always look for the light

The story of Harry Potter is one of triumph of light over dark, but it’s a great motto to live by. It takes work. Real work. We will all find ourselves in a tough place at some time or another. That’s part of the human condition, but it’s up to us whether we actively seek out the light or settle for sitting in the dark.

I learned early on that sitting in the dark only brings more darkness, but luckily the same can be true for looking for the light. If you look for it, it will find you.

Every day I wake up in this body and it says to me, just stay in bed. Avoid the pain. Take the easy route. But in the last 15 years, I’ve spent at least one of those in bed. And honestly, I’m bored of it. There’s only so many ceilings you can look at. So I choose the pain and the fight of sitting upright.

For me, looking for the light is simple. It’s chasing the sunshine if it’s out or listening to my music on a Sunday. So wherever the light is for you, look for it and celebrate it.

Most people watching this have probably been on an airplane, and you all know that even on the greyest of days, all you’ve got to do is fly high enough above the clouds and the sunshine will be there. So trust you will find the light as long as you keep looking for it.

3. Be a survivor and not a victim

After my accident, I spent seven months under the expert care on the spinal unit at Stanmore Royal Orthopaedic Hospital. And as shit as I felt, I quickly realised I wasn’t a victim. I’d always been a thrill seeker and I’d chosen a job with known risks. And I have to accept that reality.

In my time in the disabled community, I’ve met so many people whose disabilities were caused through no fault of their own, whether it was horrendous circumstances like terrorist attacks or domestic violence. A stunt accident led to my paralysis and I choose to own that. I decided early on when I rebuilt my life, if I did it with hate and blame as the foundation, the person that I’d be hurting the most would be me. I didn’t want those things or my accident to define me.

In hospital, I soon learned that negativity took up energy. And yes, sometimes that negativity can be useful. It’s great in physiotherapy, but in other words, in other times it’s just wasted. So instead, I learned to take control of the things within my control and let go of the things that fall outside of it.

It’s a lesson I still live by today, as I mentioned earlier. Unfortunately, independent breathing might be affected in my future, but instead of waiting for it to happen, recently I’ve started a breathwork course with a free dive expert and you’ll be surprised to know that my actual breath hold is four minutes and 25 seconds, and five minutes is my Mount Everest. If I get it, I’ll push for six.

So my lesson for you all here is that pain is inevitable in life. But do believe suffering is a choice. And in the same way, looking for happiness can be too.

4. Words matter

I’ve come to realize that it’s the language we have about ourselves and the world around us that directly affects the life we get to live. Think of it like this – if you start off the day with negativity, where do you expect to go from there?

We can all read the news and see the terrible things that human beings are capable of. But since my documentary came out, all I’ve got to do is look at my social media. And every day I get messages of hope and compassion and empathy from people who have connected with my story.

Yes, the world’s a messy place right now, but that’s always been true about human history. Since the dawn of time, we’ve had wars, plagues, famines, and terrible things that we’ve had to get through. But we’ve also had incredible advancements every day. Child mortality rates go down. Less people are born into poverty. We’re finding new ways to tackle terrible diseases such as cancer and Alzheimer’s. We’ve almost eradicated polio, a disease that’s put many people I know in their wheelchairs.

So one of my favorite things to say is that we’re just advanced monkeys on a rock spinning through space. Well, spinal cord injury was only survivable after World War one. So the fact that this monkey is in front of you today, sharing my perspective, tells me and should tell you that we’ve come a long way in 100 years.

So the next time you go to speak about something negatively, please remind yourself that we all have a role to play in society in bringing positivity into the world. So think twice whether you really want to put negative thoughts out there. Or do you want to live in a world full of joy, love and laughter? The choice is in all of our hands.

5. Laughter is always the best medicine

You’ve only got to spend time in palliative care or on a spinal ward to know the joy really is one of the last things to leave us. Being able to laugh for myself never fail to soften the blow. Not just for me, but for my loved ones too.

The other advantage about having a laugh is you rarely do it alone. When my mum had to navigate one of my many involuntary erections whilst helping me with a catheter at the hospital, you could really hear us laughing about it on the wall next door. There really is a lot more comedy on a spinal ward than you might think. My bowels alone warrant their own sitcom.

I remind everyone at home watching this today – never neglect the fact that you’re probably sitting on a socially conscious rectum. Honestly, that is also a gift. Take it from someone who’s lost as much feeling as I have. Never be afraid to feel.

So the next time you’re feeling low, pick up the phone to a friend and tell them of your most recent disaster. They will help you laugh at it and turn the darkness into the light. The best stories from our holidays is not the ones where you tell everybody what an amazing time you had. The best stories from our holidays are the ones of the cock ups, the total disasters.

So lean into whatever it is that makes you laugh and enjoy the endorphins. As someone who’s had as many painkillers as I have, trust me, those endorphins are the cheapest, most effective painkillers in the world, and they won’t kill you.

Conclusion

So that’s it. That’s the end of my video for you guys today. I could bore you with more, but I’m guessing the organizers of TEDx, like the Oscars, will probably start playing music for me to end what I’m trying to share with you.

You might have come into this video today thinking you’ve got nothing in common with a 40 year old quadriplegic. And I really hope I’ve shown you that we’re not so very different. We all have the same choice in the way we view and live our lives.

If you look at me and feel pity and want to do something about it, do this. Don’t let my lessons go to waste. Try and incorporate them to all parts of your life. Don’t be afraid to feel. Don’t wait to make plans. Your decisions might not always be the right ones, but they’ll probably make great stories for you to recount around the dinner table.

Take it from the boy who lived. When you get a chance, always choose life. Thank you for watching. And now I’m off to smell the roses. Unless whilst making this video today, I’ve had an involuntary bowel accident. In that case, the smell is not going to be so sweet. But the story will be. Thanks very much.

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