This Past Weekend: #638 w/ Actor Kevin James (Transcript)

I thought I was a raccoon. Whatever, dude. Yeah, that was a long night. Anyway, Kevin James. Good to see you, man.

KEVIN JAMES: Good to see you. Yeah, nice to be here. Thank you very much.

Dinner in Nashville

THEO VON: Thanks for coming, man. I appreciate it. Did you guys go? We saw each other last night at your, you showed me and Nate Bargatze and some other friends here in Nashville your movie.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, we just went. We went out to dinner. Yeah, we just hung out. Had a good night.

THEO VON: Where’d y’all go?

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, gosh. What was the name of that place? It was Gannon. Gannon. Gannon’s in Nashville.

THEO VON: Is there a lake?

KEVIN JAMES: I don’t think it was on a lake. I mean, we didn’t take a boat to get there. Right. We didn’t. It was, you know, it was…

THEO VON: Sounds nice.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, it was cool. It was a cool place. Yeah, it was nice. They gave us a little room, and we just had fun. It was prime rib. Oh, it was everything, man. It was good.

THEO VON: Did it have that white sauce with it?

KEVIN JAMES: It did. It did.

THEO VON: What is that?

The Horseradish Discussion

KEVIN JAMES: It’s, that’s, it’s like a tartar. Yeah, but it’s not. It’s got a… what is it? Horseradish. Horseradish. Not a W. Where’s the W coming from? But it’s white. That’s where it comes from. The W is white.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: And it’s horseradish. And they give you the chunks of horseradish, which is the nucleus of it. That’s the… Have you never… what are you talking about?

THEO VON: Now bring up, bring up a natural horseradish in its natural habitat or whatever.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. And then they have a white horseradish sauce that kind of blends it. See, that’s the, that’s the stuff.

THEO VON: Yeah. God, that’s good.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. And you spread that over your prime rib.

THEO VON: Oh, I love that. That thing. I just, I never know what it is, but they have it and I love it.

KEVIN JAMES: What’s that?

THEO VON: That.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, the horseradish.

THEO VON: Yeah, I know.

KEVIN JAMES: So you’ve had it.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah, but I just forgot. I just…

KEVIN JAMES: What it is.

THEO VON: But I know you only see it with cocktail.

KEVIN JAMES: No, you see it with cocktail, too.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s the same?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. It comes out the same way. They give you the chunks, a little thing. Do you do shrimp cocktail?

THEO VON: Yeah, I do shrimp cocktails all the time. When the shrimps are hanging out, showing their legs or whatever off the edge of the thing. Yeah, yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: You split them, you pop them, and you dip them in the thing.

THEO VON: Dude, I had no idea that was the same thing.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s the wasabi version of whatever it is for this stuff. It’s like wasabi. It’s like a spicy hit that you do. It’s really to get you to forget the fact that you’re eating fish.

THEO VON: Yeah. Yeah. I guess, because some of it doesn’t taste great or whatever.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: Horseradish is a perennial plant of the family Brassicaceae. It’s not a vegetable. It is. Oh. It is a root vegetable cultivated and used worldwide as a spice and as a condiment. Yeah, dude, I like that, man. I like it when I just really… But I only see it with prime rib, and I guess it always, to me, that always looked more like a milkier sauce.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: Something different.

KEVIN JAMES: Well, there’s both. There’s that. That’s the, there’s little chunks when you see that, and then they give you, it’s like a Cool Whip, like a mayonnaise style that blends with that. You put them both together.

THEO VON: Oh, I haven’t done…

KEVIN JAMES: And it gives you, yeah, it’s a good cover.

THEO VON: I’m missing, maybe I’m not looking around when I see that.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: But I love that you get to talk to the person they cut it.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. It’s a lot of fun.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: You know? Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. It was a good night, man. We had fun. We missed you, and thanks for coming.

Solo Mio: The New Film

THEO VON: Yeah, dude, it was great to come over there and see the film and just see the… Had you seen it a bunch already?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I’ve seen it a few times. Yeah. I mean, I…

THEO VON: Did you help edit it?

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, gosh, yeah. I did everything, you know, helping them all on every step of the way. We’ve been, you know, babying this thing for a while now, so it’s, I’ll keep seeing it. I’m going to see it again. And, you know, it’s basically just your baby. You know, you work it, and you just kind of try to bring it to everybody, and you want it to be right. And I don’t want to, you know, I want everybody like you. I want people to see it to, you know, to see what they think, what they can change it. Yeah.

THEO VON: But we felt the magic of it yesterday, man. It felt good. It was a love, it’s a, I don’t want to give anything away. I mean, it’s a love story. Yeah. It’s got some sweet moments that were surprises, I thought.

KEVIN JAMES: Good.

THEO VON: You know, it definitely made me think, dang, I got to get, you got to get into love, man. That’s what it makes you feel. Hopeful that people are getting into love out there in Italy and in Italy.

Finding Love Later in Life

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. That it’s honestly, that it’s never too late. That it’s like, it really, I mean, I really found my wife later in life too, and it was one of those things where it’s like, it’s possible for all, you know, like, people, they, when they get older, they start gripping the bat too tight, getting worried that I’m not with anybody, and so they don’t know whether to make that decision jump or whatever. I’m just going to be alone.

And I think when you loosen up and kind of relax and just give yourself up to, you know, given a shot, you do better and, you know.

THEO VON: Did you feel that ever?

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, yeah. I was definitely, you know, I got married at like 39, 39, I think. Yeah. And I had my first kid at 40.

THEO VON: But do you still have your wife?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I met her last night. Yeah, she was there.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good.

KEVIN JAMES: I kept him.

THEO VON: I hope that was her. Otherwise she wouldn’t be happy here.

KEVIN JAMES: No, no, no, no, no, no. That’s her. And she did look, I mean, it’s 21 and change now. 21 years. Yeah. Yeah. It’s great. Four kids. It’s fun.

Filipino Culture and Family

THEO VON: And is your wife from another country or parents?

KEVIN JAMES: Well, she’s Filipino and a little bit Alaskan Indian.

THEO VON: Dude, I love Filipinos.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, you do.

THEO VON: Dude, are you kidding me? How could you not, right? Dude, they’re the smiling people.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Very happy people.

THEO VON: Oh.

KEVIN JAMES: Very fun people. And they make lumpia.

THEO VON: And they make what?

KEVIN JAMES: Lumpia. Oh, I’ve never even heard you look up lumpia. Lumpia is.

THEO VON: What is it, like a dip or something?

KEVIN JAMES: It’s like an egg roll from heaven. And you put it in the dip.

THEO VON: Oh.

KEVIN JAMES: And it’s nothing like the horseradish one. It’s a beautiful sweetie spike. It could be a little spicy if you want, but it’s a fun one. It’s a good, it’s a good, it wowed me, like, you know.

THEO VON: Yeah. I would mule one of those in my a, I think. But those things look good, brother, I’ll tell you that. You know what I’m saying? But you brought one of those into prison. You could sell it for a lot.

KEVIN JAMES: I don’t know. It was going in a lot. Went yeah.

THEO VON: Oh, dude.

KEVIN JAMES: Sorry.

THEO VON: God. No, those look that good?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, they’re good. They’re very good.

THEO VON: There’s not a lot of food you put in you. You know what I’m saying? Because that’s total reverse route. That’s like, when you see somebody’s driving up the interstate the wrong way, you’re like, what are they doing here?

KEVIN JAMES: How’d you get on this road? Yeah, yeah, it’s real good.

THEO VON: God, that’s nice. Yeah. See, I think if somebody tricked me enough with a, you know, with some sort of fancy little Oriental baklava like that, they were.

KEVIN JAMES: You really. Oh, really.

THEO VON: That they could get me to love them more.

KEVIN JAMES: Right.

THEO VON: You know what I’m saying? If somebody had a recipe of something that you just loved. Yeah, I would give in more, but yeah. Filipinos, dude. I wish we were all Filipino.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, sure.

THEO VON: Because I think it would be great.

KEVIN JAMES: It would be great.

THEO VON: Name 60 bad Filipinos.

KEVIN JAMES: I can’t name one. I don’t know any. Yeah, well, I really don’t. I don’t know what. I can’t name one.

THEO VON: So do you, are your kids a little bit Filipino, too?

KEVIN JAMES: They have to be, I hope, because that’s so good. Yeah, they’re fun.

THEO VON: Oh, I can’t even imagine.

KEVIN JAMES: You should see them. You like them?

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. I’d love to see them sometime, but yeah, the eight. Yeah. I would love to have an, like, a semi Asian or off Asian. I don’t know exactly what the terms of the Filipino, but I would love to have a child like that.

KEVIN JAMES: It’s a, it’s a cute mix. It’s a fun, you know, and good.

THEO VON: They seem like such good, good people. Yeah. Beautiful.

Solo Mio vs. Salamio

Dude, I know that you grew up over in New York. Oh, dude, I forgot to even tell you this. I saw the movie. When I first saw your movie, “Solo Mio,” it’s called.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: I thought it was “Salamio.” I thought it was a. Oh, that.

KEVIN JAMES: Would be an old. Yes.

THEO VON: Like a Marvel character, by the way.

KEVIN JAMES: I could do that one next. Yeah, that is not salami. It was a.

THEO VON: That’s what I thought. I was like, dude, what is he doing?

KEVIN JAMES: I’m not doing “Salamio.” How did you guys not think of “Salamio”?

THEO VON: I just thought it was like, oh, this is his, like, superhero type of guy, you know?

KEVIN JAMES: Did you think it was, like, just one word and it was an Italian word, or did you think it was the, the meat?

THEO VON: Oh, I thought, I thought it was like the, like the, like the, the master. Like the.

KEVIN JAMES: Like, like, like “Salamio.”

THEO VON: Yeah. Like, “Salamio” shows up and rescues, like, the, like, the Italian Parade or something happened at the Italian Parade.

KEVIN JAMES: But is the Italian meat involved? Or you, is you.

THEO VON: No, this is his name.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay. Does he have a cape?

THEO VON: Yeah, he may have a cape. Yes, he has a cape. Like, maybe a fine prosciutto or whatever. Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: “Salamio” is insane.

THEO VON: Yeah. So anyway, I thought that I had my glasses on when I saw it, so yes, “Salamio.” That’s crazy. I was like, but it’s awesome. And it was like, I could see it being super exciting, you know?

KEVIN JAMES: I’m regretting every choice we made now that we did not go with “Salamio.” It really is hitting me. Salami was, I don’t know.

THEO VON: I hope from the land of Mortadel.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Yes.

THEO VON: Your backstory could have been sick, but when I got there and I saw the, the image and it was like, oh, “Solo Mio.”

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: And it was good. Yeah, it was cool, man. Yeah. And it just made me, it did make me think about love. It made me think about that kind of stuff and like, yeah. Just the choices that we make. I think I’ve watched a couple of movies recently that kind of, like, got me in, like.

Thinking About Marriage and Kids

KEVIN JAMES: So you’re single now?

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay. And you’re, you looking or you’re just like.

THEO VON: Yeah, I’m looking. You know, I got to get married at some point.

KEVIN JAMES: Right. You know, kids.

THEO VON: Yeah. I think I want to have some children.

KEVIN JAMES: I love it.

THEO VON: Yeah. Did you always want to have them, you think?

KEVIN JAMES: I did.

THEO VON: You did.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I did. I always wanted kids. And I’m again, I was getting worried. I was, you know, 39. It was later for me, and then four. But it’s, you have so much time. You get to have, you know, it’s, you’re great. You can go as long as you can, and then you adopt or do whatever. It’s, it’s amazing.

THEO VON: Yeah. Some of the adopt, there’s a lot of returns over there. You know what I’m saying? I’m not, no judgment. And some of those are Russian, but people know it. It’s on a chart.

But yeah, dude, I do think, I know, I would like to, you know, I think it’s just making sure I can get into that place where go ahead of myself and knowing, okay, I can do this, you know. And I have to, I have to really, like, fine tune my behaviors and what I, what I need to be doing and how I kind of put myself and take care of myself and everything. It’s like, because this is going to be a thing, you know.

KEVIN JAMES: Right, right. You want to stay in it. Right. So you want to, are you putting yourself out there, though, to, to, to, in the right places to see these people, to meet these people? Because now you, I mean, it’s.

THEO VON: It’s some.

KEVIN JAMES: Because you’re so famous now. It’s like, it’s a different take on, you got to be careful. Right. So I guess.

THEO VON: I mean, I still probably date the same types of gals as when I wasn’t popular, you know, I think so. That, I don’t know if that changes, but I wouldn’t date somebody. I think I would know if somebody was like, you know.

KEVIN JAMES: Right. I hope so. You definitely would.

THEO VON: After me for my podcast, outtakes or whatever, so.

KEVIN JAMES: Right.

Movie Review and Reflections

THEO VON: But yeah, I thought it was a great movie. It was really sweet. It had some good sur. So, yeah, I’m glad that I left feeling, glad that I went. I saw it.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s good.

THEO VON: And it made me think about some things. That’s when I noticed something’s nice for me is if I leave and it makes me like, you know, kind of think about myself in certain, certain situations or something.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. And, and hopefully uplift, up, uplifting, if you know what I’m saying. If it feels, you know, that you can, that there’s possibility out there, you know.

THEO VON: Oh, dude. And the singing, the part where you guys were singing. Dude, I thought it was going to turn into one of those, like, at the crescendo. Yeah, I thought at the crescendo is going to be like, there was going to be one of those 4.4K theaters or whatever. Like the 4D or whatever.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: And it was just going to, like a huge thing like pasta sauce. It’s going to hit us all in the back of the head. That’s what I thought, dude, if that would happen, bro.

KEVIN JAMES: Dude, that and “Salamia.” What’s his name?

THEO VON: “Salamio.”

KEVIN JAMES: “Salamio.” “Salamio.” Okay, so it’s “Salamio.”

THEO VON: That’s what I thought.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, dude, that’s a guy. How do we not do “Salamio,” bro?

THEO VON: I’ll tell you this.

KEVIN JAMES: I want the leg muscles.

THEO VON: Oh, you got those.

KEVIN JAMES: No, I don’t, man. I’m losing them. When you get older, you start losing the leg muscles. Abs I got, obviously. You know, I have the abs. Yeah. And the biceps and all that stuff. But the leg muscles.

THEO VON: That’s a lot of leg.

KEVIN JAMES: It is spotty fat. He’s got a lot of clogged arteries. I like it, though, man. I’m in with this guy.

THEO VON: Yeah, I think he’s just, he’s just, his only thing he does is just go to the doctor to get his levels checked.

KEVIN JAMES: Just paddles of blood everywhere.

THEO VON: Dude, those aren’t even muscles. That’s just a chunk of gout.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, that’s all gout and cholesterol.

THEO VON: But no, dude, it was cool. So thank you so much for inviting me, man. It’s enjoyable. It’s a nice movie. You could take your lady, you know, you could take your lady. Go with your family. You go with almost anybody, really.

KEVIN JAMES: Right?

THEO VON: It was sweet.

KEVIN JAMES: Good.

Growing Up on Long Island

THEO VON: It was sweet and good, man. Did you grew up in Mineola?

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, no, I was born in Mineola. I grew up out. Yeah, I, I bounced around Long Island for a little bit in New Hyde Park and then, but you don’t know this stuff.

Early Days in New Hyde Park

THEO VON: We just had a fireman on. This is how I know this. We just had a fireman on. And he mentioned that you were from that area because I said, well, Kevin James might be coming on. He’s like, oh, he’s from New Hyde Park.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: And we had this guy, Tony Bonfiglio. He was. There he is right there. He was a firefighter during 9/11. He did 22 years on Ladder 34, which was Washington Heights. And he just had the best stories about growing up in New Hyde Park and where he went to, like, interview to be the fireman and him and his buddies just screwing around in the area and just going to like, different music clubs, listening to cover bands and stuff.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, I love.

THEO VON: Was great.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, that’s a lot of good people from there. Really? Yeah, it’s really cool experience.

THEO VON: It feels like that.

KEVIN JAMES: It is. It was fun growing up, man. Which for me, like, helped in stand up and helped and everything. Like, just had a good fun childhood. It was really, really cool. Funny people.

Growing Up Funny

THEO VON: Was your brother funny or something? You had a sister?

KEVIN JAMES: My brother was funny first. Yeah, we’re all funny. Like, we always. It’s all the dinner table stuff and, you know, putting on little shows when the relative. That type of stuff.

And then eventually I was playing football in college and I realized the dream. When you’re not starting in Division three.

THEO VON: Were you at Oneonta?

KEVIN JAMES: No, I was at Cortland and I never finished. I was drinking a lot. Like, we were partying up there. It was crazy.

THEO VON: It was crazy.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, that’s up there by Syracuse and all that stuff. And Cortland. Ithaca.

THEO VON: Ithaca. It’s in Ithaca, isn’t it?

KEVIN JAMES: No, it’s near Ithaca.

THEO VON: Oh, bet.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, yeah. There I am. That was me playing football in. Yeah, I think that that’s high school, but, yes, that was when I played. And then once I realized there was guys so much better than me, I go, this is. I’m not going to do this anymore. What do I do?

THEO VON: Did you have a nickname on a team or not?

KEVIN JAMES: I think it was the Hydrant.

THEO VON: Because you were.

KEVIN JAMES: I don’t think it was because of what you think. I think it was just a different reason. I don’t know. I’m not sure. The reason, huh? Yeah. Because I was low. I was low to the ground and I wet myself a lot.

THEO VON: Yeah. Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: So, I mean, it was just. It was just a weird thing, but. No, I mean, once I realized that wasn’t going on anyway, I never finished Cortland, too. I got out of college.

College and Education

THEO VON: Did they give you an honorary thing like that in the mail or something?

KEVIN JAMES: They would give it to me now, but I don’t want to go back now. I don’t want to.

THEO VON: I’ll get your degree, man.

KEVIN JAMES: Really? Should I go back?

THEO VON: I mean, I wouldn’t say. I’m not going to tell you not to get your education.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, maybe I should, right? No, I shouldn’t. For what? What am I going to use it for? I don’t know.

THEO VON: I got urban planning. That’s mine.

KEVIN JAMES: Did you go to. Do you finish college?

THEO VON: I finished college. Maybe almost 11 years.

KEVIN JAMES: Where’d you go?

THEO VON: I went 11 years for college. I went offline also.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, you did?

THEO VON: Yeah. I went to a lot of schools. I went to Arizona. Where else did I go? I went to Santa Monica College. I went to University of New Orleans.

KEVIN JAMES: Why did you not finish at one?

THEO VON: LSU College, Charleston. I don’t know why. I just. Oh. I started doing comedy, so. And I would hit the road and I’d be like. And then I’d have to pick back up and do a semester, and, like, it was just piecemeal.

Finding Stand-Up Comedy

KEVIN JAMES: Did you get into, like, through improv or just right into stand up or.

THEO VON: Like, just got into stand up? I was just like, you know, I think I. The first. Mark Gross, I think, was the first comedian maybe I ever saw. Bring him up. Bring up a picture.

KEVIN JAMES: What year did you start?

THEO VON: I started in 2005.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, my goodness. That is so crazy.

THEO VON: I saw this guy perform, and I was. And I’d seen, like, Chris Rock’s my favorite comedian growing up. I’d seen, like, you know, I’d seen comedy, but I’d never seen it live.

KEVIN JAMES: Right.

THEO VON: And we went to college where it was like, at LSU, they’d call you and be like, you got 30 free tickets tonight.

KEVIN JAMES: Right. Right.

THEO VON: What? Because it is paper in the room. But you’d be so excited.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. You just to get a gift. Yes. So you go and I went and.

THEO VON: I saw him and I was like.

KEVIN JAMES: And it changed you.

THEO VON: Yes. I was like, oh, this can really be, like, a thing that you.

KEVIN JAMES: You wanted to do right away or you thought.

THEO VON: I don’t think I knew I wanted to do it, but I just. I liked being funny. And then I was like, oh, this can. Like, there’s a. This is a real path. I just never connected the dots. I need, like, dot to dot to dot. I need dots between the dots to connect them, you know?

And. And, yeah, so that. That made me, I think, have the bug. And then I got to LA, and then. And then I started just going up, you know?

Vegas and Building a Career

KEVIN JAMES: Dude, I was in Vegas when I saw you and heard about you. You know how I heard about you or saw you? Your face was the whole side of the hotel.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: But you remember. Did you see that? That was badass. I was like, who’s this? I was like, my goodness.

THEO VON: I know.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. Dude, that was awesome. That’s really cool, man.

THEO VON: That was crazy.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s it.

THEO VON: Just to think that you saw that stone.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s cool. I was like, whoa. I don’t get that. I never got. That was big, man. No, no, no, no, I’m serious. That was cool.

THEO VON: Oh, that is. Yeah. Yeah. Some of that stuff is pretty cool. It’s, like, impossible to live up to that kind of hype.

KEVIN JAMES: That is. But it’s still. Man, that’s cool, you know? Yeah.

THEO VON: Stuff like that’s kind of interesting sometimes, I guess.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. There it is. See? It is.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Look at that, man. That’s exactly what I saw. And I was like, whoa, this guy looks like Salomeo.

THEO VON: Yeah, he.

KEVIN JAMES: Look at that look, right? That’s a hero.

THEO VON: I’m looking for the shooter from that shooting they had a few years ago.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s right. That was rough.

THEO VON: Yeah. That was a surprise. Anyway, I really ruined that compliment you were giving me, but thank you.

KEVIN JAMES: It’s true. It’s true. I remember seeing that being there, Vegas, and I was like, whoa. You know, it’s an instant bit of like, who’s this guy? Like, a little bit of fear. I’m always like, oh, my gosh, this new guy, you know, I’m trying to fill this room. I hope I do well tonight. And this guy’s got the side of a building. I’m like, good for him.

THEO VON: Because we needed that much advertisement.

KEVIN JAMES: True.

THEO VON: We started small. We started on thimbles.

KEVIN JAMES: Just handing them out on guitar picks.

THEO VON: Yeah, yeah. That’s a great idea.

Kevin’s Comedy Origins

When your comedy first started, was it just something you wanted to do? Do you know it kind of. I know it’s such an old question, but you and I don’t really know each other.

KEVIN JAMES: I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I knew when I got out of college, I left college. I didn’t, I didn’t finish. I went home for the summer and my brother started doing improv. And I was like, I was bouncing at the time and I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I didn’t want to do this. I just wanted to try something.

And I always follow him into other things so he’d be like, ah, you coming into, you know, whatever it is, you know. So I ended up doing a small community theater play. And I said this, you know. Then I started doing an improv group with him and their buddies and I fell in love with. And then it just progressed into stand up.

Now. I did my first stand up first night was in 1989. July 26, 1989. That’s how long I’ve been doing it. And no, I loved it. I mean, and I crushed the first night I ever did it, which I’m thankful for because the second night I ate it so bad with the same material and I didn’t know, you know, and if I would have ate it first, I think I never would have done it again.

But so I’m thankful that I did okay. And then. No, I love it, man. I love it. And then, you know, just.

THEO VON: Was your brother weird about it that you came in and liked his thing?

KEVIN JAMES: No. You know what, I got to say, he was really cool about it. He actually, he would tell me, you want to do this? Okay, if you want to do this, come and do it. And I would start to do it. We, you know, back then we would buy these calendars completely empty. And you. I was working at Granger and it was like my last day job. I was like, I wanted Granger.

THEO VON: The equipment.

Early Comedy Days and Family Support

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, that’s what I was in the back. It was hot as can be and I had to fill orders and I hated everything about it because it was miserable. I was just trying to work my way up to the air conditioning.

THEO VON: There’s a lot of mice in there too.

KEVIN JAMES: There’s everything in there, you know, so I’m just driving a forklift and I’m working hard and I’m trying to fill my calendar with these stand-up dates. And it would just be like once a week or whatever it is.

And then my brother called me one night and he goes, what are you doing tonight? And I go, I’m staying home. He’s like, what? Because you have to sign up for, you know, open mic night.

THEO VON: Yeah, sometimes in advance or that sort of thing. You got to get there early.

KEVIN JAMES: He’s like, why aren’t you out at the club tonight? And I go, I didn’t get a spot. He’s like, that doesn’t matter. So what? Why aren’t you going out there making something happen? Go look. You know, maybe somebody falls out or you meet somebody or talk to somebody. And I’m like, all right.

And I went that night and I met somebody and he became like my first agent. And so he was right, man. He helped me, you know, a lot in that. And he was cool with helping me out.

THEO VON: And he was the funny one. You said?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, he was. I mean, we’re all funny. The whole family was funny. He was the first one to start it, like, to get going in that direction.

THEO VON: Because it’s interesting how it happens. And I was like, yeah, like, my brother was a funny guy. And so I think that’s why, like, you know, I think why—

KEVIN JAMES: I wouldn’t want to be like that. Yeah. Yeah.

THEO VON: I think you’re just trying to—

KEVIN JAMES: Did your brother do stand-up?

THEO VON: No, he was just, like, probably just desperate for attention like me. But he was also a, you know, he was a funny guy.

KEVIN JAMES: Right. There are a lot of funny guys I knew in school that were—

THEO VON: He didn’t get into stand-up. Oh, dude.

KEVIN JAMES: Right. That would be. I’m like, the best.

THEO VON: That’d be the best. I’m so glad you didn’t do it. Oh, dude. My friend Scott was like the funniest kid to me, and I’m like, I am. Some of those people are like, Theo, you’re funny. I’m like, dude, there’s so many people who just never really just went and did it.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. Because, I mean, honestly, being funny with your friends and making that leap to doing it in front of people and developing it is a different thing, though. It’s like you’ve got to create it and kind of get used to it. It’s a different animal when you’re—

THEO VON: Oh.

KEVIN JAMES: Because I know my buddies are so funny. I got a buddy who’s so funny, but when he doesn’t, I go do that impression in front of someone else. He can’t do it. He folds like a house, man.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: He’s just, it’s rough. It’s rough. And I look bad.

Dating Stories and Deal Breakers

THEO VON: Oh, dude. The worst is when, oh, sometimes you do look bad because of other people. I remember this. I dated this girl. She didn’t know how to stand out of the way of where people were walking.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, see, that would drive me. That would drive me nuts.

THEO VON: Oh, I would have to go hide in the bathroom.

KEVIN JAMES: No, that’s brutal.

THEO VON: We’d be talking. She would, like, take a step back. I’m like, this is where all the people are walking. And it was like, and people bump into her. And then guys would, like, you know, and then it just—

KEVIN JAMES: I dated a girl who would take five seconds before she would realize that a waiter is there asking her for something. And every time. And I’d have to go, he’s, he’s looking at you, you know? And she’d just be like this. In a daze every time. Five seconds. And then she’d come out of it, and I’m like, I can’t go on. I can’t go on. I couldn’t be married to that. So I was like, there’s no use of me being here.

THEO VON: It’s the little things, dude. I dated a girl that I was in love with, and then we kind of were, like, canoodling or snuggling or whatever they used to call it, I think they don’t call. I don’t know why they don’t call it that, but we’re canoodling, I guess now it’s called.

And then, but her head was really small. She had big hair, and her head was so small.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: And I was like, I—

KEVIN JAMES: Did you like that, though, or you just was like, it was like a point where you go, I want to help her and be with her, or, you know, or is it, like, that small or like—

THEO VON: No, like—

KEVIN JAMES: Like a, like, like how small, though? Like, it was a ballpoint pen or we talking, like, you know—

THEO VON: That day when you only knew about baseball. And then one day, you’re at PE and they show you softball.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Okay.

THEO VON: And you get that ball, and you’re like, what the, what is this? You know, and you’re like, oh, this is like a baseball with, like, intestinal issues or whatever.

KEVIN JAMES: Right? It’s, it’s, yeah, it’s a baseball with inflammation.

THEO VON: Yes. Yes, it’s a baseball that has, yeah, that has not had proper dieting.

KEVIN JAMES: My heart melts for the physical things more, but I dated a girl once who would just say the phrase “rattle your cage” every time. She’s like, hey. And I’m like, what are you doing? And she’s like, I’m just calling to rattle your cage. And I’m like, I can’t go on. That’s a buddy of mine’s joke. He sucks.

THEO VON: Oh, it is.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, it happened to a buddy of mine. But that is a thing that I would, I would literally get out of.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Wouldn’t that be something like that? She goes, hey, just calling to rattle your cage.

THEO VON: I would—

KEVIN JAMES: No, no.

THEO VON: Rattle my phone against the wall. I would rattle my freaking head out of it, dude. Yes, I would. Also, I dated a girl. We would be sleeping, she’d get up in the middle of the night, put a bunch of M&Ms and chocolate in her mouth, and come right back in the bed. She said, like, sometimes I can’t fall back asleep unless there’s chocolate in my mouth. And I was like, that’s crazy.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. There’s a lot of problems with that.

THEO VON: That was crazy, dude. I had a girl who made me roll her up in a blanket so she could go to bed at night burrito style. Yeah. Or like lumpia. Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: No way. Like the lumpia.

THEO VON: Yeah. I had a girl just, I didn’t even realize that till just now.

KEVIN JAMES: Did you have to unroll her in the morning or you just left it?

THEO VON: No, you just leave her, dude. I didn’t even know her that well.

KEVIN JAMES: You can’t get out.

THEO VON: Yeah. Yeah. Well, she’s, get out of your own room.

KEVIN JAMES: She doesn’t have claustrophobic issues, though. You know that. So if you’re ever stuck in an elevator with her, she’s the one you want to be with.

THEO VON: She’s dynamite. Yeah, you’re right. I need to look at the other side of the coin.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. But definitely, there’s always a bright side.

THEO VON: Yeah. I sometimes get stuck on the other side and I’m like, I know it’s brighter over there, but—

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: Let me mill around over here.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: In the shadows, you know.

KEVIN JAMES: I mean, little head, you know, burrito girl, all these things can be there. There is a positive side to it, right?

THEO VON: Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. I mean, yeah, that was a lot for me. But then also, I’m like, I don’t know, but there’s a lot of things that I think have probably kept me kind of single over the years, you know?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

Meeting the One

THEO VON: Did you ever try one of those matchmaking services or, no, because I get approached by those all the time now.

KEVIN JAMES: I was before them, I think. I don’t know. Maybe they existed. But, I mean, I was before the Internet and all that crap, you know. I got married in 2004. What was going on in 2004 I got married. Was that, what was around then? I don’t even know if anything was around, but I never used to use them anyway.

THEO VON: Yeah. How would you even, people just loitering or whatever.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, it was, you know, we tried. I mean, I met my wife on a blind date. I went, someone set me up because Leah Remini, who was on my show with me, The King of—

THEO VON: King of Queens. Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: She saw that I had nobody, and she set me up with—

THEO VON: No. So it was one of her good friends.

KEVIN JAMES: No, it wasn’t hers. She set me up. She didn’t set me up with a girl. She did over the years. She tried to, but she set me up with a house decorator because she came to my, when we had The King of Queens, I got my first place, and she saw how it was decorated, and it was terrible.

I had, like, prong lamps and posters, like I was living with my brother. And it was like, she’s like, you can’t do this. You can’t decorate. So she got a decorator for me, which I never knew about or anything like that and wasn’t me.

And this decorator came into my life. She was a horrible decorator, but she set me up. She really was. She wasn’t great either. I didn’t like it, but she saw that I was lonely and, like, I had nobody, and she set me up with somebody she knew. And it was like, it was amazing.

THEO VON: Did it change like that for you when you kind of realize, like, this is something? Because it’s funny how people go from a moment. I have a friend, she’s a comedian. She was like, I don’t know what’s going to happen. You know, I’m going to sell my eggs or bury them over here, whatever, you know.

And then out of the blue, one day I called her. She’s like, yep, I’m moving to Florida. We’re getting married.

KEVIN JAMES: And just like, it can turn on a dime.

THEO VON: That’s the thing.

KEVIN JAMES: It can.

THEO VON: That’s the thing. You got to remember.

KEVIN JAMES: And by the way, I think most of the time it does when you’re not trying. Right? I mean, the thing, you know, they say, right? I don’t know. I think for me, it did. I was just kind of, and she was like, try. And I was like, I’ll give it a shot. Never thinking anything would come of it. And then I never left her. That was it.

THEO VON: Were you kind of a romantic guy? Are you kind of like that guy or—

KEVIN JAMES: No, I don’t think so. I had to fake it. She wanted to go out, and we went to a sushi restaurant the first night, and I never ate sushi. So she’s like, do you eat sushi? I go, yeah. I lied right out of the gate.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Just for, because, you know—

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: I wanted to make things smooth. And we got there and it was, it was just a rough. It was—

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. Everything.

Early Dating and Faking It

KEVIN JAMES: You don’t want to eat at a sushi restaurant made an appearance, you know, it was rough, and I had to fake it and get through it, but I was drinking a lot of beer to get through it and kind of taking. I was taking it like a pill, you know. Like, I would take the sushi like a pill.

THEO VON: Yes.

KEVIN JAMES: And yeah, and I got through that night.

THEO VON: You’re holding.

KEVIN JAMES: I was lying about everything. She’s like, “Do you jog in the morning?” I go, “I jog every morning.” I never jogged. We started jogging. I was like, what the f*. I got to keep it up. And finally we were close enough where I go, I got to tell you some things here. I don’t do a lot of the stuff we’ve been doing. You know, I sit a lot more than we have been sitting. And that was it. I was like, and she, you know, I was in enough of the relationship, though, there, where she was like, good with it. You know, I’m saying, like, we knew each other, so she’s like, okay. And then the active things kind of fell off, and it was fun.

THEO VON: That’s cool, man.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, you got it. Yeah. I mean, how are you looking right now?

THEO VON: Right now, I’m actually trying to.

KEVIN JAMES: Need to get back into it again. I know you don’t want to.

THEO VON: Yeah, no. I’m actually just trying to take a step back right now, and I’m just going to, like, spend a little bit of time with myself and see what’s kind of going on.

Fasting and Health

KEVIN JAMES: You working out? You taking care of yourself?

THEO VON: Yeah, I’m doing pretty good, man. I’m fasting today, actually.

KEVIN JAMES: You fast? I fasted yesterday.

THEO VON: Did you?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: Let’s go.

KEVIN JAMES: Let’s go, baby.

THEO VON: Dude. Yeah, I fast. I fasted. Let me see. I did like three days last week. I just got into it this year, and so it’s been interesting. I feel super dehydrated today.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: But it’s like, some days that happens.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s the biggest thing. You got to replace the water and, and by the way, if you do fast the next day, you don’t go to Nashville. Just Nashville. I just went to the deli here and crushed it. It was great. Yeah, well, that’s the thing. Like, I bounce back and forth. I can do a day fasting, and then the next day you should just kind of be good on your body because it’s like, it digests it. Like, it’s feeling good, and then you can’t put crap back in, so I got to stop doing that. It’s obviously the battle for me, the food. But that’s awesome that you’re fasting.

THEO VON: Yeah, I like it.

KEVIN JAMES: What do you fast for? You don’t need to lose weight, so you’re fasting for.

THEO VON: Just for health reasons. Just because they say, like, autophagy, your body gets into. And then it helps fight like cancer cells and things like that. Like, your body starts taking care of itself and because my brain gets clear. I have noticed just, it’s funny, I just noticed this the other day. I think I’m having dreams that seem more relevant to like direction in my life and like some sort of like information. Not all the time, but a little bit more than just like, dreaming that I’m like attacking somebody with an, you know, like a, you know, fighting a neighbor.

KEVIN JAMES: Exactly.

THEO VON: Regular or waiting in line or whatever.

Dreams and Lou Ferrigno

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, yes. But you have dreams of waiting in line.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah. Lou Ferrigno’s in a lot of them.

KEVIN JAMES: No.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: You and Lou Ferrigno are waiting in a line.

THEO VON: Yeah. At the post office. And his wife’s mad at him.

KEVIN JAMES: At him or you? At him?

KEVIN JAMES: Are you in front of him? Behind him?

THEO VON: Huh? I’m behind him.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: Yeah. And I know you see it going on. Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: You see relationship, and then is the lady behind the counter going like, “Next” or.

THEO VON: You never get there.

KEVIN JAMES: Never get there.

THEO VON: We never get to.

KEVIN JAMES: That is the greatest dream of all time.

THEO VON: It took, dude. I’ve had, I probably had it 300 times where I finally was able. You ever had a dream so many times, you’re just on the edge.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: When you wake up, you’re like, what? Yeah, I’ve had it so many times. What is it? You know, and you’re like, it’s horseradish. Yes, dude. Yeah, that, that’s one of a big one for me.

KEVIN JAMES: I love it.

THEO VON: But recently I’ve been getting, I’ve just been getting a little more information. Anyway, I just think it’s, I feel clear in a lot of ways. It’s helping me feel a little bit more inspired, I think, to take care of myself, because I think it starts to show me that I’m willing to make some sacrifices, even in little ways.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s what it is, man. That’s.

THEO VON: Have you done it?

Kevin’s 41-Day Fast

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I did fasting. Like, I do it like every once in a while I’ll do it. But I did a really long one, and it was great. And then I got fatigue, and I told Rogan this. I did 41 and a half days, just water and, and. But honestly, I didn’t rid myself of, like, I was doing it for like different, like, spiritual reasons. Like, I wanted to clear out everything and because the whole journey, I was watching like food, pictures of food and going, “This is what I’m going to eat when I’m done. I can’t wait to get back to.”

I never really broke the habit of going, “I don’t need food. It doesn’t matter.” I would feed, you know, I would cook food for my kids. And the smell of food, I’d be like, “Hey, can I make you a sandwich?” Because I was living through that, and I wouldn’t eat it, and I was fine with that, but I needed to see the food and hold it. I’d smell it, you know, and then I hand it off.

And it didn’t break the real bind, you know, I’m saying the cord of being detached from stuff, you know, and that’s what I got to do in my life with everything, you know, because I’m addicted. A guy, like, I’ll just be like, I got to cut it off. That’s it.

THEO VON: Yeah, I think that’s what I’m doing kind of do. Trying to do with dating right now is just like, let me take a break from, like, if I put myself into a moment over here and I’m engaged, I mean, this over here, and then I’m going on maybe a date that I’m not interested in, but maybe over here, somebody I am interested in. But now I don’t have time because I’m dividing it up. And then I’m like, I’m like, let me just see what’s going on? You know, that’s here at the factory, you know.

The Ledge Dream

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. By the way, I had a dream that I was on the ledge of a building and I’m falling. I’ve had this one a few times. I’m falling, but I never leave the ledge. I’m just yelling the whole time, like, I’m falling down. You’re saying so I’m like, “Ah.” But I didn’t, I never jumped. I’m just looking. Yeah. And then I wake up. That one comes back anyway. I just want to throw that in there.

THEO VON: And I’d be so pissed if I’m down there. I’m like, what is this? Yeah, look at this poser.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, exactly. You’re looking like, is he doing it? He’s just yelling. He’s giving, you know, he’s got all the accoutrement. But no, no fall, dude.

THEO VON: The weird guy at a suicide dump is the guy who’s just waiting down there for the guy to jump.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. They’re just like this. Yeah, that’s what you should do. Because this guy’s not either helping or pushing, you know, either one. He’s not doing anything. He’d run upstairs, do something, make a move, but he’s just waiting. These are the people in life we don’t need eating.

THEO VON: And the guy that’s eating and waiting, eating.

KEVIN JAMES: If you get nachos and you’re pulling up and you’re waiting for a guy to jump.

THEO VON: Yeah. You’re like, “Hey, I can’t, give me, give me 30 seconds. Let me grab this nachos.” Ledge, to dream of standing on a ledge represents being on the verge of something.

KEVIN JAMES: Is it? Yeah.

THEO VON: Someone else may be very close to finally making a big decision. You may be feeling tense or experiencing anxiety about a difficult change. Alternatively, a ledge may reflect how close you or someone else is. Isn’t close to going in a far stitch.

KEVIN JAMES: Wow.

THEO VON: I messed up the sentence.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s okay. It doesn’t. Because you know what? It still kind of hits the area. You know what I’m saying? I kind of got the gist of it.

Joe Rogan’s Influence

THEO VON: Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. Rogan’s crazy. Had you been on his show before?

KEVIN JAMES: I did Joe’s show, and I’ve known Joe for, got to be 35, maybe more than 35 years, I think.

THEO VON: Wow.

KEVIN JAMES: What’s, what’s 1990? No. Maybe 34. 30. What is it with 99? 36 years. Right? 26.

THEO VON: That’s so wild.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. Yeah. I, he’s the one who got me. I mean, really, with my manager. And he’s just, he’s always been the guy that’s just like, go follow your own path. And, you know, he was the one who got me out of. Yeah, he got me out of.

THEO VON: Did he always seem so confident?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, he did. He just did. He was the one who got me out of, like, I was the stand up comedian behind a mic with the, you know, the sleeves pushed up and the bolo tie. I don’t know if you remember these comics. These comics were the jackets, the funny jackets, the color. And he just wasn’t that guy. He was just a hat backwards guy. And just go out there and he always tell me, like, don’t, I was always like, so desperate to get laughs and trying so hard. And he was like, you know, “Don’t give them your jokes on a platter.” Like, he was one that told me, like, basically make them comfortable in knowing that whatever you say, you know, is funny. If they don’t know, like, they got to catch up and be part of it, you know?

THEO VON: Right. Don’t make it about the jokes. Make it be you.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, they’re there for. Yeah. He was such an influence on.

THEO VON: So was he, did other people see him? Because now people see him. I mean, and I certainly do, like, as a, you know, I don’t know if it’s a pioneer as much, but like, I mean, he’s the best in his space. Like in podcasting. His standup is just, I mean, he’s just a killer.

KEVIN JAMES: Like, he’s always been, you know, he’s.

THEO VON: Was he always.

KEVIN JAMES: He just was like, he’s super, super intense in anything. He, like once he locks on doing it, he just seems so confident. I told him, I think, like when he, I think God’s going to make him one of the greatest saints of the 21st century. I really do. I think this guy. And I keep saying. Because God’s going to use him. He’s like, “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” He just goes. And he seeks truth. And he’s a guy that is just like, when he seeks it, he knows it’s true. He, he’s unrelenting. Like, he just doesn’t stop.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: And it’s like, that’s who. Like, he, he’ll go. So he’s, he’s crazy. Like, I, I knew it was martial arts is jiu jitsu. We started, we started jiu jitsu together. By the way, I’m a blue belt. I’m a blue belt 30 something years. He’s crazy. Black belt. He’s beyond.

THEO VON: You know, he’s dark black belt dude.

KEVIN JAMES: He’s so, he’s.

THEO VON: He’s a cafe de negron.

KEVIN JAMES: He is badass. He is the real deal. He really is. And, and he was getting into the Internet before anybody and just searching these things in truth. And then I mean he was crazy about it and I was just like, I never. I’m always behind the curve. Way behind it.

Joe Rogan: The Oracle of Truth

THEO VON: Well, we need sleep. I think he’s the kind of guy, he’s like, I don’t know. He always just seems to me like he’s so, and I know each other pretty well now, but he just is always go. He’s always go. And he’s so curious and he remembers everything. That’s the craziest thing. You can’t lie to him because he remembers everything. So you’re about to lie and you’re like, oh no.

KEVIN JAMES: And he’ll call you out. That’s what I love about it. Even me, I know him for 36 years now. Even doing his podcast, you got to be careful because he’ll be like, what? What do you mean? And it’s like a dog, you know, it’s a dog that caught you and you’re like, you know, and you got to come. But I love that because there’s such an innocence behind that. He just wants to know the truth. He’s like, that’s not true. You didn’t say that or you didn’t do it. So you got to.

THEO VON: He’s kind of an oracle. Like, I don’t know if it’s an oracle, but he’s kind of like a mirror of something. You know what I’m saying? There is something about that. I think it’s super, I totally believe. But some people give him a hard time, whatever. But to me he’s always seemed very altruistic as just to who he is, you know, or trying to be the best of who.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s it. And everybody falls. Everybody makes mistakes. He, you know, and does things wrong. But I know this guy is searching for truth and he’s always just calling it out.

THEO VON: And he’s an astronaut man.

KEVIN JAMES: He’s everything dude.

UFC Snacks and Daniel Cormier

THEO VON: Yeah. I was at the UFC the other day and he brings these big bags of beef snacks and it’s just beef and salt. That’s dried out beef. And he brings.

KEVIN JAMES: Because he wants to get down from 2% to 1% body fat.

THEO VON: He’s doing, yeah, he’s doing something.

KEVIN JAMES: Wow.

THEO VON: He’s always over there, you know, drinking bat saliva or something. Doing something. Trying to get an upper. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, there it is. Carnivore snacks. So he has three bags and he gave one to Daniel Cormier, and then Daniel traded one of his and traded for what? I had a tub of popcorn. And he couldn’t keep away from it.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, I love it.

THEO VON: He’s like, my hand just keeps ending up in there.

KEVIN JAMES: DC.

THEO VON: Yeah. But anyway, that was pretty great, dude, but I got to eat a whole bag of those beef snacks.

KEVIN JAMES: How are they?

THEO VON: You know what? They’re really good. They’re not too salty so you don’t get chip fatigue, you know?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, some, it’s like you’re chewing on the top of a shoe and it’s just tiring. It’s exhausting for the teeth.

THEO VON: Oh. And it’s not like jerky. Jerky. To me, sometimes at a certain point seems like, what are we doing?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. It’s a give up. You give up.

THEO VON: Yeah. But this is nothing like that.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s cool.

THEO VON: Yeah. And it feels kind of carnivorous, I guess, in a sense. Yeah, I enjoyed it.

KEVIN JAMES: Right.

THEO VON: But it’s fun just seeing them over there with their snacks. But sometimes you’ll see Daniel Cormier over there. He’ll have a thing of summer sausage.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

THEO VON: And it’s freaking February. And he’s over there just slicing it off, you know.

KEVIN JAMES: He’s a good man. He’s like me, and that. He loves his food. We golf together. I golf with.

THEO VON: Yeah, he’s golf with him.

KEVIN JAMES: I did golf with him. And Chris Weidman. Chris Weidman loves you too, by the way.

THEO VON: Chris Weidman’s a cool guy.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, he loves you. I know Chris for a Long Island guy, so he’s, yeah, yeah.

THEO VON: And so whenever you were training, was he training, too?

KEVIN JAMES: They always training with him in their group. Ray Longo and over there.

THEO VON: Dude, that’s cool.

Long Island Fighters and Golfing

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, they’re fun. They’re a fun group. Long Island is tough guys, man. A lot of good guys came out of Long Island. Yeah. So, no, but it was, you know, fun. Him and DC, we all went out golfed and had a blast and. Oh, does that mean next to Weidman.

THEO VON: Yeah, Weidman is hilarious, dude. He’s got the best energy, bro.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, he’s a great guy. He’s incredible. And, yeah, he.

THEO VON: They have a great show now that they do, too.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. He was just telling me that they’re doing more and more with him. And I said, man, I was so happy that he stopped fighting. I want them all to stop fighting because I don’t want anybody get hurt. You get to know all these guys, you’re like, please don’t fight anymore. I can’t. That’s why I stopped watching. I don’t go anymore. I used to go all the time.

THEO VON: Oh, you did?

KEVIN JAMES: With Rogan? Oh, I wouldn’t. Dude. There was no. Yeah. I would go to these fights before anybody was even there.

THEO VON: Oh, wow.

KEVIN JAMES: I would hear, you know, the stomping on the canvas. There’d be nobody there. Yes. I love that. I go in the quiet, and you hear a crack of a fist into a jaw or something. And I love, I loved every moment of it, but I just couldn’t do it anymore because I would get to know these fighters, and I was like, I couldn’t. Randy Couture, and, you know Chuck Liddell. Those fights.

THEO VON: I just saw Chuck Liddell. I thought he passed away, and I was like, holy s*.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. No, I couldn’t. Look at you. You are there early.

THEO VON: Oh, dude. I go early, dude.

KEVIN JAMES: I love that.

THEO VON: Last time, I got there too early.

KEVIN JAMES: I love that, man. So you’re not showing up at the main event, going in there.

THEO VON: I think this is amazing. These are people that are doing the thing that they love the most, right? And some of them in the earliest. They’re coming out for the first time into this UFC. And they come out and nobody’s there. It’s like. But, dude. Yeah. Sometimes you see some of the best fights early.

KEVIN JAMES: Yep.

THEO VON: Yeah. I love it, dude.

Why Kevin Stopped Watching UFC

KEVIN JAMES: Good for you. Yeah. That was it. And then I would start to know these fighters, and I couldn’t watch them anymore. I was there with Rich Franklin when he got knocked out by Anderson Silva, and it just, I was, there was his wife, you know, watching this, and just stunned. And I’m like, I can’t do this anymore. So I stopped going. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to see these guys.

And I was telling that I wanted to say that I wanted to get Chris out of fighting, because I was like, he’s had so many surgeries, broken leg, you know, all these things. And it’s like, just, he’s a good looking guy, man. Do, you know, get on TV. And he’s funny and he’s personable. So I’m glad to see he’s doing TV stuff.

THEO VON: Yeah, there’s a lot of great guys over there. And girls. It’s been fun. Yeah. Being associated with that whole thing has been just so exciting just to get to go watch, you know.

KEVIN JAMES: Do you train?

THEO VON: No, I trained for a little while and then I just kept getting hurt. Yeah, it’s like my ribs and I’d be having some huge guy, we’d be rolling over on me or something. It was just like, it was a lot. So I think I’ll do it again whenever I don’t have so much responsibility.

KEVIN JAMES: I got to do it when they work out the smell. You know what I’m saying? The smell of the room.

THEO VON: Oh, yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Just, I can’t do it. Not at 60. When I was younger, I was like, hey, you got to be. It doesn’t matter what it is, you know, at 60, you go, I don’t, I don’t need to smell this anymore.

THEO VON: You hit 60?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I hit 60. You believe that? Yeah.

THEO VON: No, not at all.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. You’re a baby. I’m telling you. I’ve been around a long time. So what I’m saying is I don’t need the smell of a jiu jitsu room anymore. Yeah, I got to. I’ll do it privately. I’ll do it that way for a while and once, you know, because a wet gi, I don’t think there’s much worse than that. Going up against a guy with a wet. Right. And you’re in there, and he’s got your face and he’s cranking it and all you got is wet gi and chest hair.

THEO VON: And it’s past gay. It’s past a gay feeling, I think.

KEVIN JAMES: Again, it’s not even.

THEO VON: It’s beyond romance.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, it’s not. Yeah, it’s a control thing. And it’s just.

THEO VON: Yes. Some guys.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, it’s just not good.

THEO VON: And he got wet and then got cold and wet.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: That’s the thing. If somebody’s warm and wet, at least you’re like.

KEVIN JAMES: It’s actually a bath. Yeah, that feels a little bit more like a bath. Cold and wet is just, it’s bad. And the smell.

THEO VON: Yeah, that’s tough stuff, dude. Not my favorite.

KEVIN JAMES: Nope.

Finding “The One”

KEVIN JAMES: No, no. Once I found her, it was like, I remember I went away, I was with her for a while, you know, it’s like, this is it. I knew this was it. And it wasn’t because, oh, I got to get married or anything like that. I could tell because I just didn’t want to be away from her.

And I had to do, I think, a couple gigs or whatever. I was on the road for a while and she couldn’t go, and I just hated being away from her. I was calling her every night and I was like, wow, I got to get back there. You know?

THEO VON: And you had that feeling in a long time.

KEVIN JAMES: I hadn’t, you know, not with who I was dating and going out with. So, no, it wasn’t there. It was totally different. And you just click on so many different levels, and it’s like, it just becomes apparent, like, man, I need this person in my life. This is, you know, they make me better too. You know, they were like, yeah, that’s it. So it’s, she’s amazing that way. So that was it. I was like, I’m done. I’m happy.

THEO VON: Oh, that’s a great thing to say.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. No, I am. It’s amazing.

THEO VON: Yeah. When you get excited, when you see your wife, you get excited, you give her a hug.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I’ll give her a hug. But sometimes, you know, it’s also, it’s not all the time. It’s not crazy romantic all the time, you know. Oh, yeah. It’s life, you know, you’re tired. It’s like, you know, you just pass each other sometimes. It’s, you know, it’s a fist bump. It’s like, all right, get out of here. Whatever it is.

But I miss her this morning. She left this morning. You know, we were out last night, and then I was like, wow, you know, it’s, you know, you’re going to have all those feelings. It’s all the emotions and everything. And all the cooking or this, that, the things that you love them so much about. So it’s a balance of them all. It’s everything. It’s the good, it’s the bad. And you just realize, overall, it’s like, I never want to be without her, though. You know, even in the worst moments, it’s like, so you know that, and it’s real.

Love at Different Ages

THEO VON: You think you can fall in, like, a different type of love when you’re, like, in your late 30s or as you get older than you can when you’re younger?

KEVIN JAMES: For me, I think I matured. I’m still not that mature, you know, I’m 69. It’s like, so I still think like a kid, like an idiot. So for me, I’m glad it happened later. You know, some people are able to know what they want when they’re younger and much more mature. I was not there, you know?

THEO VON: Yeah. I think, and your career might not have happened the same.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, that’s for sure. I needed to be kind of by myself and get it going.

THEO VON: And you might have left your family all the time to go work. It would have just been really different.

KEVIN JAMES: It would have been rough, for sure. Yeah. So I’m glad I got the grind out. Now I take them with me if I’m doing a movie, you know, I’m never away from them for that long, which is good.

The Road Days

THEO VON: Do you miss some of those days? Like the road days back in the day? Like, do you ever, are there any of them that you kind of romanticize a little bit?

KEVIN JAMES: I still do them. You know, it’s like the days.

THEO VON: But I mean, like, clubs that weren’t just like, you know, I’m talking about like, you know, the condo and all that stuff.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: Like, did you ever stay in Michigan?

KEVIN JAMES: Did you stay in condos? Oh, yeah.

THEO VON: Did you ever stay in Mishawaka over there?

KEVIN JAMES: Where’s that?

THEO VON: Indiana. Like, right outside of Notre Dame. It’s right there.

KEVIN JAMES: No, no, but I mean, crazy crappy condos and stuff like that. But it was exciting. It was me, my brother, couple other guys, comedians that were, you know, Rogan, you know, but never went on the road with Rogan. But, yeah, it was great. It was fun, you know. You stayed casino. Like, I used to play the Tropicana in Vegas.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. And I never gambled. I’d never been to Vegas. And I remember losing my week. You go there for a week, you do two shows a night for seven days, man.

THEO VON: You have to eat downstairs with staff.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, exactly.

THEO VON: There’s no food and they’re asking you for food.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Yeah, exactly. It’s rough, but you’re excited to be there. It was like 103 degrees. This is, I remember when O.J., when they were chasing O.J., I was in Vegas at the Tropicana, and we were drinking. You’re staying in your hotel. I think you’re getting maybe, I don’t know how much money you’re getting, but I lost in the first night. I lost my entire week’s worth of money. I’m not kidding.

So we got a case of Bud Light Ice, which was the beer then. It was so good and frosty at a gas station.

THEO VON: Remember that beer?

KEVIN JAMES: Do you remember that?

THEO VON: Yeah. They discontinued. It was great. Yes, I liked it.

KEVIN JAMES: I did, too. Bud Light Ice. And picture of it, at least. Can you please, something would it look like.

THEO VON: And they had, there was a something dog at the same time.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, yeah, Red Dog.

THEO VON: Red Dog, Yes.

KEVIN JAMES: I love that.

THEO VON: Red Dog was disgusting. It was supposed to be for, like, disabled Bud Light Ice.

KEVIN JAMES: There you go. We got a case of that. And we sat in my hotel room and we just pounded it. And it was still 103 degrees at night. I remember that. And O.J. was being chased or whatever. It was just crazy, dude.

THEO VON: I remember I would be in my hotel. I remember this one hotel I stayed at. I think it was outside of Syracuse, in, like, Liberty, New York or something. And they gave you a cup of water and it was filled up when I got in the room. It was like, a cup of water. I was like, it wasn’t even, like, a bottle of water. And I was like, oh.

KEVIN JAMES: For you in your hotel. Yeah.

THEO VON: If you’re thirsty, we poured you a cup of water and put it in there.

KEVIN JAMES: Did you stay in some rough places?

THEO VON: Yeah, just places where you would have to walk along the interstate to get there. Whatever. Like a highway to get there. Just some places that were a little bit like, what is going on here?

KEVIN JAMES: I drove eight hours to a gig that I had to do. One gig. It was one night, was making, like, no money. I get there early before the gig, and it’s a crappy motel type thing. I pull the bed back because I’m tired. Just drove eight hours. Going to take a nap before the show.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: There’s a roach in the blanket. I mean, I don’t even know what it was. It was this big. I literally just put the blanket back. I went to the show. I just sat in my car in the parking lot till the thing was ready, did the show, drove home eight hours, man. I’m not staying with a roach. Couldn’t do it. There’s some miserable places.

THEO VON: Yeah, dude. I remember we would, to save, like, a hundred dollars, you’d fly into a city that was like four hours. Like, if you could figure out the math.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. And then drive here and get a ride.

THEO VON: Then you’re like, oh, I’ll just finish a show. I’ll drive and catch a flight out of Indianapolis at 5:00 a.m. It just like everything was like.

KEVIN JAMES: Did you have a buddy, did you like a comic buddy that you go with? Are you by yourself?

THEO VON: I didn’t. I was out there. And I’d always pee in the bed. I’d always pee on my cell phone once it came out. So I’d miss certain calls or wake up alarms.

Bed-Wetting Confessions

KEVIN JAMES: Back that up. Oh, wait a second. What did you say?

THEO VON: I would wet the bed.

KEVIN JAMES: You would wet the bed?

THEO VON: Yeah, I wet the bed.

KEVIN JAMES: Let’s start with this one first and then we’ll back it in that. Why is your cell phone in the bed? Put it on the counter.

THEO VON: No, no, I’d fall.

KEVIN JAMES: Put on the counter. But that’s not that close. You shouldn’t have that close to you anyway. Put that on there. And by the way, you won’t pee on it then. But why are you wetting the bed?

THEO VON: I was wetting the bed.

KEVIN JAMES: Were you drunk or just letting it go?

THEO VON: I was drunk and I wet the bed till I wet the bed for a long time.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay.

THEO VON: I was in it.

KEVIN JAMES: Just because you got used to it when you were younger and you’re like, let’s just keep going with this.

THEO VON: I can’t remember. Dude. I just think I just was always so nervous.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: And whenever I was asleep at some point, finally I wasn’t nervous. And my body’s like, well, this is when we got to urinate.

Operating From Fear

KEVIN JAMES: You know, you seem like a guy that operates from a place of fear. Right? Everything, I’m that way. I don’t know about you, but I get worried about everything. Or you’re not worried about everything.

THEO VON: Oh, I would get worried. Like if I’m with a girl and there’s like a moment of silence, it makes me so, you got to feel that I get so scared.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: I’m like, I just don’t want to give a room not to like. It was almost like if there’s any space here, she’ll not like me.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s exactly.

THEO VON: I don’t want to give a room not to.

KEVIN JAMES: So you got to fill that space up.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: And I would do it with one word for the next set. So it’s like if we were talking about, yeah, when I went to the game the other day with my brother, and it was a lot of fun. And then it gets quiet and I would go “because.” And I would say “because.”

THEO VON: To give you moments to start.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: And.

KEVIN JAMES: But I don’t know what I’m saying. And she’s like, what do you mean? And I’m like, “because.” And I’m like, in my head, I’m like, hey, “because” has to follow. You got to follow with something. If you say “because,” I was like, “because,” you know, we just like the team that was playing something, and then it’s dead again. And I’m like, I do another one, “so.” And it’s just those little words, like, just shut up, man. Sit in the pocket. I can’t sit in the pocket.

THEO VON: I can’t sit ever. Pocket, dude. It’s same with baseball. I would get up there, I would swing three times before he even threw it. And I would go sit down.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: And if they had with it, I love it. I’m going home. My mom would sit in the distance. She would be in the van, and she would honk. She’s like, if you don’t hit it, we’re leaving.

KEVIN JAMES: I love it.

THEO VON: I never hit it, dude.

KEVIN JAMES: I love that I never hit it. But.

Insecurities and Eye Contact

THEO VON: But yeah, there’s something about that moment where it’s like, I just can’t inflate. Especially if it’s like, looking at a woman in the eyes, too. That’s always been like, super tough. It’s just like, something. It’s like, yeah, I just always had a tough time with that. But I can’t let there be a thing.

KEVIN JAMES: Well, I couldn’t. If the woman didn’t, like, in high school or even beyond, I had to know the girl. Like, she had to come over to me. Like, I could never be one of those guys to go up. I’d be like, as my friend. She’s like, she likes you. Go talk to her. You know, I’m like, couldn’t talk to her around her in a big circle. Oh, gosh. Yes. That’s funny. That’s great, though. That’s. Yes.

THEO VON: That’s insane.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s marking your territory, and you’re trying to go in, and you don’t even know how to do it. Yeah. I would need her to come over, and I would need confirmation of, yes, I like you.

THEO VON: Yes.

KEVIN JAMES: Let’s go out. You know, I couldn’t. I’d be like, you sure? I’d give her every out. Like, we don’t have to do this. We don’t want to go out.

THEO VON: Are you okay? That’s what I was. If anybody hangs out with me a lot, I’m always like, are you okay? Yeah, there’s a. I don’t even do it on purpose. I just. There’s a part of me that just asks them that.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: But.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, it’s a sweetness, man. But it’s a. It’s a worry that you’re not good enough. Right. I mean, I’m sure.

THEO VON: And I think it’s not even on the front of my thoughts anymore, but it’s still just this old thing that’s just built in me, you know, I’ve had it. But that looking in the eyes, like. Yeah. I couldn’t look a woman in the eye. Just like. I don’t know what it is if I. If they. I don’t know what. I’m afraid they’re going to see. You know, they’re just going to see that something’s wrong with me, probably, or something. You know, I’m going to. Or I’m going to see them.

Here’s what I think it is, too. I’m going to see them, see that something’s wrong.

KEVIN JAMES: Right.

THEO VON: Right.

KEVIN JAMES: You would look for signs. She saw me. Just like she. She knows I’m. I’m weak.

THEO VON: I’ll know the look in her eyes.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: I’ll know the look in her eyes when she sees that. When she realizes that there’s something wrong with me. So I got, like. I don’t know. So I don’t want to lock out something like that. I don’t know what it is. Anyway, sorry for talking.

KEVIN JAMES: You know what? No, no, it’s the truth. I’m the same way. You don’t want to give yourself. Yourself, the. The possibility of failing. So it’s like you kill it before it happens.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: You go, I’ll self kill it before then. I didn’t fail. It just went down. Yeah. I don’t know.

THEO VON: Dented. Life gets. But then life gets along. You’re like, what kind of. What theme park am I living in here with myself until you get out.

Breaking Through Fear

KEVIN JAMES: I’m out of it now. I’m coming out of it. I really am. I don’t let those things that scare me anymore. Like, I don’t care anymore. I do it. And that’s. It’s. It’s been helping a lot.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: Just by just.

KEVIN JAMES: Just doing. Doing.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: You figure it out. You go, no, I don’t care. She said no. She said no. This one. This. Whatever. I don’t get this. This doesn’t do well. I don’t care. Moving on. What’s next? Let’s go. We know what we got. God is good. Go, go, go.

THEO VON: Yeah. It’s stuck so much on the. Think inside.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. Yeah. You got to get out of your own way. I’m the same way.

THEO VON: Yeah. That’s interesting, dude. But yeah, that would be a lot of it. God, yeah, that would be a lot of it. But yeah, that thing. I’ll be like, what else is going on? I’ll say that all the time.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: If things get real quiet. That’s a weird thing, huh? But I think that’s what makes you. Your brain is like, we got to come up with something. What are we doing here, boys? You know?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Yeah. And I. I’m telling you, you look calm outside, but inside it’s like there’s a fire. What do we do next? Like, she’s not like, I remember it all. I remember it, remember it. It’s over. It’s cortisol shooting out of your. Your, your face, you know, it’s like, ah. I don’t know what to do. I can’t control myself, you know?

THEO VON: It’s just when you think back on it, it’s so insane.

KEVIN JAMES: It is nothing. It meant nothing. Don’t worry. Just calm down. Sit in the pocket.

Being the Cool Guy

THEO VON: Yeah. Spade does a good job of that, man.

KEVIN JAMES: He’s always been that guy, right? He’s just very cool. And. Yeah, yeah. I’ve never been the cool guy.

THEO VON: Cool. Yeah. My friend was the cool guy.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. Yeah. All my friends were the cool guy. Like, it was never me. I was never that guy.

THEO VON: Nuh. Even at times when I thought I was that guy, I was like, ah, that’s insane that you thought that, dude. You know? Because it just. Just doesn’t fit.

KEVIN JAMES: Right? Yeah, yeah. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. And then it worked for me to not be that guy. Then it’s like when you admit it. Yeah.

THEO VON: Once you realize I’m not. Yeah, yeah. Once you’re not trying to be something.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. It feels better, right? And it’s like, it’s all right. That’s why it happened.

Matt Taylor and the Gathering of the Kyles

THEO VON: It makes things every. A little bit better. Did you feel like a little bit of like your character? Matt. Matt Taylor. That’s the guy’s name. Which is so funny because I knew three Matt Taylors, but everybody does. Maybe that’s why they picked the name.

KEVIN JAMES: It’s a lot of them. There’s a lot of them.

THEO VON: How many are there? Bring that up, please. How many Matt Taylors are there? I know. 3.

KEVIN JAMES: There’s got to be 14 or more in the world.

THEO VON: I bet there’s 140,000.

KEVIN JAMES: I know, I’m joking. It’s got to be like, Matt Taylor’s right.

THEO VON: There’s no precise global account for the name Matt Taylor. A comprehensive worldwide name database do not exist. Estimates can be derived from available national data and name frequency tools up here.

KEVIN JAMES: In the public records about 3,700 times. That’s it? Yeah. There’s no way to figure it out.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: There’s a lot of them though.

THEO VON: Matt as a first name alone has an estimated living population of 207,000. I bet it’s more than that. 207,000 Mats there was that Kyle meet up in Texas. Do you see that? I did not bring that up.

KEVIN JAMES: All the Kyle’s.

THEO VON: All the Kyle’s met up.

KEVIN JAMES: Really?

THEO VON: Yeah, bro.

KEVIN JAMES: If we were to to branch out now and like go to try to figure out how many Matt Taylors there are currently living in the world, like, what is the first step? Like the first step is do what? Do I go? Okay, like if we just decided right now we’re doing it. Yeah, but do I. Like, would I say to my guy, like, all right, call his agent. Like we’re going to do this thing? Like, what is the first step? Do we book a hotel? We say we’re going to talk about it? Or like we need a first meeting of how we’re going to go about the thing?

THEO VON: Is that it the first step? Probably agreeing that we’re going to do it together.

KEVIN JAMES: Right. And that would take some time though, right? Because we’d be like, are we really doing this? And then it’s like, right, well, we got to talk it out. Let’s think it and the logistics of it. Like, how would we do?

THEO VON: Okay, so then getting uniforms too.

KEVIN JAMES: Searching for Matt Taylor uniforms. Every mat. That would be sick. Would it be a jumpsuit or is.

THEO VON: It like two pieces every Matt Taylor? I think it’s a onesie. It’s a one piece. Like a car heart. It’s hard work.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, dude.

THEO VON: You know me, Matt Taylor’s or ours, at least 207,000.

KEVIN JAMES: I love it.

THEO VON: Searching for the. Yeah, like the best Matt Taylor. Like. Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: What are we. The uniform would be the. Probably the first thing we’re working on.

THEO VON: What are we looking for him for? Maybe we got a piece of mail for him.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, just something like we can. Yeah. Or just to give them a, you know, a pat on the back for being mat. Like being part of the team.

THEO VON: Yeah. Being in the army. That’s a militia. That means bring up that meeting of the Kyle’s again. What. What did they do too? Somebody said that.

KEVIN JAMES: That is cool. They’re all Kyle’s.

THEO VON: Yeah, those were all Kyle’s. And Sugar Ray performed, I heard.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, I love it.

THEO VON: 706 people named Kyle got together in Texas, but it wasn’t enough for a world record.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, how sad is that? First of all, let me tell you something. These guys put together. 76 of these people had the dream of becoming a world record breaker with the most Kyle’s in a certain area and they missed it. Look at that. By the way, as bad as we feel about everything that happened in our lives, if I had that one, that that would tip it.

THEO VON: It’d be tough to.

KEVIN JAMES: Come on. No, you’re second place for most Kyle’s.

THEO VON: Second place for most class. The crown is currently held by a town in Bosnia. They got 235 people named Ivan in 2017.

KEVIN JAMES: So it’s any name. It’s not just Kyle’s. So it’s like it’s just a certain name.

THEO VON: But this is, I think, one of the largest groupings. What did it say about Kyle? Did it say anything else? Go back to that original article.

KEVIN JAMES: How does that start? Where’s that first meeting?

THEO VON: Oh, Kyle. Well, it’s right here. It’s not the first time the Kyle’s have come gunning for the Ivins. Last year, the official count at what has become known as the gathering of the Kyle’s clocked in at 1490 in the fast growing Texas city that is about 37 miles of Austin. Oh, the city’s called Kyle. So they, they did it in Kyle, Texas.

KEVIN JAMES: But. But are they named Kyle?

THEO VON: They’re all named Kyle. That’s got to be crazy. Dude, when you see who all the other freaking Kyle’s really are and you.

KEVIN JAMES: Dude, you go door to door, are you knocking and going, no, I’m sure they met.

THEO VON: I’m sure there was something online that announced it.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay.

THEO VON: And then they all showed up. I guess you have to register.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, that would seem a lot more efficient.

THEO VON: Oh dude, that’d be so crazy. You look around and everybody’s a Kyle and you see some, you’re like, whoa, whoa. Or they put one person out there that’s not a Kyle.

KEVIN JAMES: And the whole day there’s anybody in that group of 706 that’s not a Kyle. Really. That’s like Kyle was his nickname name. It wasn’t even his real name. And he knows it. He’s there. It’s not on his birth certificate. And he’s kind of like getting around, like not wanting to get caught. And people are looking around. And other Kyle’s know if you’re not a Kyle, so they’re just kind of like. And you’re like, what’s your name. And you’re like, I’m Kyle, too. And they’re like, I don’t know if he. You know, and they’re like, hey. They go to get his buddy, like, I want to check you out.

THEO VON: And then he leaves.

KEVIN JAMES: He like, I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be back. And he’s just goes to a different area of the field. Healed. It’s so stupid.

THEO VON: It’s so crazy.

KEVIN JAMES: I love it, man.

THEO VON: To be a fake, just to fit in.

KEVIN JAMES: But people have nothing to do. Look at what they’re doing.

THEO VON: They’re just trying.

KEVIN JAMES: I love it, man. I love it.

THEO VON: Desperate for connection.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes.

THEO VON: This is how it’s getting, by the way.

KEVIN JAMES: This is beautiful. To me. This is.

THEO VON: But the worst part is, though, imagine they’re. It’s all, dude, you go there hoping you can meet a chick. There’s some chicks named Kyle.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, do you think so? Is that.

THEO VON: I’ve met a couple.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay.

THEO VON: I met a couple for sure.

KEVIN JAMES: Who performed.

THEO VON: Who performed? I think Sugar Ray, but that’s a missed opportunity.

KEVIN JAMES: Shouldn’t they get a Kyle? Isn’t there a Kyle performer?

THEO VON: Kyle Kinane could have?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: I don’t know.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s a missed opportunity, man.

THEO VON: It won’t try to break the same name gathering record this year. Okay, so Kyle’s out.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, that’s all we got. You said they’re switching names. By the way, why don’t you go with a Bob or something, like, you know what I’m saying?

THEO VON: It’s because. Oh, because the city of Kyle, Texas. Put it on. It looks all right.

KEVIN JAMES: We’ll find the better name.

THEO VON: The city has been hosting the gathering since 2017.

KEVIN JAMES: All right.

Making “Solo Mio”

THEO VON: When you look back, this movie, what was different about making this movie than some of the others? Did you find it that it’s easier? Do you have a different ownership of this film?

KEVIN JAMES: It was something that came together really quick, but it’s the first movie that I’m really proud of. Everybody who worked on it was just amazing, and it was just different than any other movie I’ve done.

And the story is not that. It’s not even that crazy different or anything that it’s not. But it’s a classic. We hit every mark that we wanted to hit. And doing this in a different way. I hired the best cast, the best crew, and again, it’s not me. It was them.

And it was everything coming together in Italy that just made it. I just couldn’t believe how great it came out. And it was like. I know. I think, honestly, for the rest of my life, this would probably be the best movie I’ve done. For me, it’s the best I’ve done so far.

THEO VON: Without the best you’ve done, even in your acting, you think, or just in.

KEVIN JAMES: Well, it’s the most where I’m real. You know, you do different movies for different reasons. Right. When I did Paul Blart, you know, I’m doing it for families and kids, and you’re being goofy and broad and this and that, and a lot of stuff you’re getting that. You know, that’s kind of what they expect from you.

But this was one where I was able. There’s still comedy, but I don’t hold the comedy as much as Kim Coates and Jonathan Roumie, these guys and Alyson Hannigan and.

THEO VON: Yeah, yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: Which allowed me to kind of play more of a real guy, which is fun for me.

THEO VON: What was that guy’s name?

KEVIN JAMES: Kim Coates from Sons of Anarchy. He’s just. I’ve known him for 35 years. I did a movie with him and Ray Romano called Grilled. And it never went anywhere. We were meat salesmen.

And I met him, and he is the greatest. He’s an insane, insanely intense actor. I don’t even know what he’s going to do, but that’s why I want him for comedy. He looks at you and he’s just going to go a certain way, and you’re going to go with him. And he was the perfect guy to play that role.

THEO VON: Yeah, that was great, dude. He was really, really. He was a good. Yeah, his comedy was right on.

KEVIN JAMES: He’s incredible. He crushes it.

Favorite Film Experiences

THEO VON: Whenever you made. What’s another, just take me through one more favorite film that you like. An experience that you had.

KEVIN JAMES: I mean, Hitch. I mean, all the stuff with Sandler, you know, that stuff.

THEO VON: Question.

KEVIN JAMES: No, no. I mean, it’s doing stuff with Sandler’s the best always.

THEO VON: What about a Hitch reboot today? Would that work, you think?

KEVIN JAMES: I mean, I don’t know how you do it with me, but yeah, I guess you could do it. I think so. I think it was great. Well, that was my first movie, so, I mean, I was thankful for that one. That started out.

THEO VON: Like.

KEVIN JAMES: I had one line or something. It was a very small part. And then Will and I just connected, and he was so nice and given me, you know, some freedom to be funny and kind of try different things. Oh, yeah, dude. And it just made everything for me. So I was really excited about that.

THEO VON: A lot of pressure when you just have that much of a part to try to make it perfect in some way.

KEVIN JAMES: In Hitch, you know, coming in, you know, Will was a massive movie star.

THEO VON: Yeah. And he’s been one of the biggest.

KEVIN JAMES: And movie stars are different. Then. It was just in the theaters. It was they were special. You didn’t see them much, you know. And I remember we were doing a big table read in New York, and he walked in with his crew, and I’m like, whoa. You know, my eyes are, whoa, that’s him. You know, it’s one of those things and just happy to be there, you know, trying to pitch things, but, you know, don’t want to get thrown out of the room, you know, timing and stuff like that.

THEO VON: That.

KEVIN JAMES: But he was great. We would write after in his trailer. He’d go, come back, and we’d work on some material and rewrite it as we were doing it, and I was just in it. It was a dream for me. It was really great.

And it had that special feeling that I have in this movie, honestly, where you feel things are coming together. Because I’ve done a ton of movies where you go, man, this is just not working. You know, it’s you just feel like you’re muscling through. You’re pushing the comedy too hard. This one felt so real to me, and it was just so much fun to be a part of.

Upcoming Projects with Jelly Roll

THEO VON: Do you have other projects that are already that you already have on the docket, Kevin?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Yeah, we’re working on one with the Jelly Roll that I’m going to be. It’s actually a drama, country music drama, that we’re working together.

THEO VON: And you see that video of him the other night, the Grammys? Were you there?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. No, I wasn’t there. He is amazing, man. Yeah, he’s great. I got a shirt. I bought a shirt at Walmart before coming here, and I already stained it up a little bit, but, yeah, let’s go. Jelly.

THEO VON: He sent me a pair of those shoes as they’re hat. They’re. I don’t know what they’re called.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, yes. Yeah. His the boots that he wears.

THEO VON: Yeah, they’re something like that.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, yeah, they’re great. He’s an amazing human being, man. I’m so proud of him and so excited to do this. And in this drama. Here’s the thing. We both. He goes, hey, if we’re going to do this, we got to get into prison shape because we go to prison. We’re both in prison in the movie. And it’s real.

THEO VON: Where at? What city?

KEVIN JAMES: In Nashville.

THEO VON: Oh, nice.

KEVIN JAMES: So, yeah, it’s a whole thing about getting to the Grand Ole Opry, and it’s a really cool story and there’s a lot of drama in it and it’s exciting, but we said, okay, we’re going to commit now to doing this. And he went out and lost 300 pounds. And I am up seven. I’m. I got to get down.

THEO VON: You’re up seven pounds right now?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. He’s down 300. I’m up seven.

THEO VON: That’s a crazy.

KEVIN JAMES: So now. So, yeah, it’s a big spread. We went the wrong way. No, no, we didn’t shoot anything yet. We shoot. We’re hoping to do seven, eight months. We’re going to be ready to shoot.

THEO VON: So do you think you can get to that?

KEVIN JAMES: I know I can. I’m going to do it right now. I’m literally. After I promote this movie, which I’m doing, I’m shutting down from everything else and I’m going into training mode like never before. I’m going to work out. I’m going to change everything. I’m going to be unrecognizable. I have to say it. If I don’t say it, I’ll never be accountable.

Getting in Shape

THEO VON: What will you do? Do you have.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I’m going to do everything. Well, I’m going to go easy, though. You know, it’s that’s the one thing I’m very eclectic when I work out. I do. You know, I’ll do a little bit of jiu jitsu and stuff like that. Light stuff though, now, and boxing and then stretching and a little bit of stuff. Bike riding, things like that.

Pool is insane. You know, swimming, not swimming. I’m not a swimmer. But just getting in a pool and stretching and moving a little bit. Yeah, if you can do that, you have access to that. That dude.

THEO VON: But it’s also you burn a lot of calories.

KEVIN JAMES: And it’s therapeutic because the water holds you, so it’s your body feels good stretching and moving. So. Yeah, doing a lot of that. And. No, I got to. I got to get on it, though. He’s. He’s lived up to his part of the bargain.

THEO VON: Or you can have a trainer. What do you. What else do you do?

KEVIN JAMES: I do. But training trainers get annoying to me. I got to be honest, after a while.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: And you know what? If I’m being completely honest, I’ve done it before. I know what to do. I know what to eat. I know what you know, but I am using Dolce. Do you know Mike Dolce? He’s got the Dolce diet. He’s trained all these UFC athletes.

THEO VON: Oh, wait, I have met him before.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, he’s awesome. He’s going to help me. Yes, He’s a badass. He’s a really good.

THEO VON: So he’s going to help.

KEVIN JAMES: He is going to help. He’s frustrated with me because I don’t. I haven’t been doing. He knows I haven’t been doing it.

THEO VON: Hey, you’re up seven.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, so he. I don’t think he knew that. I guess he’s going to know that now. All right, sorry, Dolce. I’m up seven, but I didn’t lock in yet. When I lock in, I promise you, it’s going to be six months. I’m going to be a different person.

THEO VON: What will be the hardest thing for you to give up? You think food wise or just.

KEVIN JAMES: No, no, it’s not drinking. I’m not a big drinker. It’s just food, and it’s just amounts of food. I could eat constantly. If you change the food, like a shark. I would just keep swimming. I would just keep. Yeah. I don’t get. I don’t get full. Really. You know, it’s scary. It’s something in me that, you know, I need to stop. But are you a big eater? You know, you look great, man.

THEO VON: I like to eat some, but I don’t care that much. You beef quesadillas and I smoothie.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay, but. So you’re not. That’s a great guy.

Food Obsessions and Daily Routines

THEO VON: Those are the two things I eat every single day. Do you really? If I’m eating, that’s what I eat. We have seven ingredients, but you don’t think about it.

KEVIN JAMES: See, look at your face. You kind of, like, that’s your face when, you know, that’s not my face with food.

THEO VON: But I think it’s lame to not care about food. Sometimes I think, like, dude, get some zest in your world.

KEVIN JAMES: No, I think we’re. No sauce or something. No, I think that’s. I would rather be like that. Because, you know, why am I so concerned about what I’m eating for lunch? Like, I’m thinking about it constantly. I’m looking at you right now.

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: But I’m thinking tonight where, like, you don’t want to make a mistake. You don’t want to go.

THEO VON: That’s a good point.

KEVIN JAMES: Right?

THEO VON: Nothing’s worse than making a mistake.

KEVIN JAMES: Especially when you’re like, we’re in Nashville now.

THEO VON: Oh, dude.

KEVIN JAMES: So we got to pop.

THEO VON: You got to find something good. Dude. I went to. I ordered a steak from this place, STK, last night.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, STK’s great.

THEO VON: This was not. Dude, this.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, really? STK, Ms. Just didn’t they have a place in the. They have a few of them, right? They’re a chain.

THEO VON: Yeah, it’s. I mean, but not. Not a. Oh, it still makes me sick. It tastes like. I don’t even know.

KEVIN JAMES: Oh, STK. Sorry. I’m out then. I’m out. If you had a bad one.

THEO VON: Oh, it tasted like Dom Done. It tasted like.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay.

THEO VON: Vagina.

KEVIN JAMES: If they had one in LA. I think I went to it hundreds or whatever.

THEO VON: Like, Game of.

KEVIN JAMES: Really groans. Dude, it was a horrible game.

THEO VON: Oh, dude, I can still. I had one bite and I was like, oh, maybe I got a bad.

KEVIN JAMES: Wait, what was wrong with meat or whatever? It tasted bad or just tasted bad.

THEO VON: And it just had this, like, aroma.

KEVIN JAMES: Or no order or whatever with it.

THEO VON: And, dude, that order hit me, and.

KEVIN JAMES: I was like, wait, what is that order? Oh, you’re seeing the odor or dirt or door.

THEO VON: Yes, it hit me, dude. My knees shook a little. Oh, my God.

KEVIN JAMES: But do you think it was like, like just bad tasting or it was bad? Like.

THEO VON: Like you’re going to tell. I couldn’t tell, dude. But I had one more bite because I was back. I was like, dude, I was treating myself to something, you know?

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: I hadn’t really eaten all day, and I was coming home and I was like, I’m going to treat myself to something tonight. I’m going to order steak because I still have to work. I was going to try to go somewhere to eat, but it was getting. It was so late.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: And I was like. And they sent it, and I was.

KEVIN JAMES: Like, no, no, you can’t.

THEO VON: That made me. When you do that, kind of like you turn into your own chiropractor.

KEVIN JAMES: And see, I wouldn’t get upset. Like, once it was bad. I have no problem switching foods. Like, I would go to right to peanut butter and jelly and I would make a massive sandwich.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Philosophy

THEO VON: God, they. Now those are good. They. I guess they’re as good when you’re a kid, but I just quit eating them years ago.

KEVIN JAMES: What?

THEO VON: Peanut butter? Why you still eat them?

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, I do. Yes, I do. What is your ratio of peanut butter to jelly?

THEO VON: Oh, I used to think. Oh, I think I go thick on both. And I’ll put. If I’m really going to have one. I haven’t had one in years. But I would put butter on the jelly side as well. Butter jelly. And then the other bread has peanut butter on it. My grandmother used to do that.

KEVIN JAMES: Toast or.

THEO VON: No, no. Sometimes my mom used to grill them with bananas in them, though.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s insane. It was stuck on butter. Right now, like, my mind is going like A Beautiful Mind right now. It’s seeing all the equations of, like, why I didn’t do it. But I got to tell you, first of all, I go much thicker peanut butter. Like, I thick it up.

THEO VON: Oh, really? It’s a lot. Yeah, you choke a little.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, that’s fine. Fine. I get it down and then it’s worth it, though. And I get a little jelly in there just to get that sweet going. But it’s a big one. And I’ll do toast sometimes. But if you do too hot of a toast. I know this is a little bit too much information. But then you get the wet peanut, like, it melts and it comes right out, squeezes out the side.

THEO VON: How do you feel when peanut butter started doing that thing a few years ago where it was like they put just two parts of peanut butter into a jar? It’s like the oil and the part.

KEVIN JAMES: No, I can’t stand that.

THEO VON: That’s insane.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah, I can’t stand that.

THEO VON: What is that?

KEVIN JAMES: I don’t. I don’t do like, I don’t want to do the Skippy. Yeah, there you go. That’s the drip. There you go. That drip is good. But if it’s. If it goes out of the sandwich, it’s useless.

THEO VON: You lose it.

KEVIN JAMES: You lose it. It’s like that could have been in me.

THEO VON: Yeah. God, yeah. I don’t like that stuff like that.

KEVIN JAMES: I don’t like that at all.

THEO VON: I do miss those kid foods, those lunch.

KEVIN JAMES: Why did you stop? I mean, when you say kid foods, like I forgot about it. They’re foods. They don’t. I mean, macaroni and cheese with the craft like that, with the powder, it never stops. Why to. When do you go? What? At what age is it appropriate to go? I’m not eating the powder cheese.

THEO VON: Something happened to me. I guess I just. I don’t know. I just. I just started. You know what? I just like working so much. I just don’t think about food that much. But maybe this will start, you know, Maybe I’ll start falling in love with some new things, you know?

Discipline and Routine

KEVIN JAMES: I would like to go the other way. I would love to be like that. I wish I had that where I wasn’t thinking about it so much.

THEO VON: What’s going to be the toughest part for you with the, with the. With this coming up, Change. I know you got to get out of here. It’s literally the toughest part.

KEVIN JAMES: It’s just going to be the food. It is. It’s going to be cutting that out being. But once I get into a groove, it’s routine. Routine and discipline, man. That’s all it ever is, right? So if you do it a little bit and you do it enough and, you know, you don’t need it perfect every day. But that’s the other thing too. I let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Which means if I’m not perfect that day, I go screw it. And I eat like crazy that night and I blow it.

And I, you know, if I get a flat tire, Weidman always says you go always. You know, if you get one flat, you just pop the other three tires. Like, you know, like, you don’t just fix that one. I do like. So if I go off my diet a little bit, I go out that night, I’m eating, drinking, having a blast, and I’m like, I’ll start tomorrow because it’s a fresh start that I’m looking for always. I love that start fresh because I’ve always been that guy. I’ve always been the guy to never do the homework, you know? But when I should, it’s Monday morning, I get it done, and then I get it again and it’s like. Because I can do it.

THEO VON: That’s dude. Yeah. I was always a guy. I wrote every answer on my finger. I go in there.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes, yes.

THEO VON: Like that little bitty words on there.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: Cheating. Well, dude, thanks so much for Solo Mio man. Thanks for all the entertainment of the year. Sorry I was a little bit tired today.

KEVIN JAMES: No, I’m sorry. I was. I’m a little weak, too, and I said a lot of things that I rambled for a while, that if you want to cut out, you can cut out because I was a little bouncy, dude.

THEO VON: I. Yeah. I don’t know. I just felt like I didn’t have a lot of gasoline in me today, but. But sometimes that’s the day, man.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: You know, it was great.

KEVIN JAMES: You were great.

THEO VON: But I’m grateful that we got to spend some time together, man. I really am. And thanks for all the entertainment over the years, and thank you.

KEVIN JAMES: Solo Mio. Solo Mio, right?

THEO VON: Solo Mio.

KEVIN JAMES: Solo Mio.

THEO VON: But thank you.

KEVIN JAMES: It’s Solo Mio.

THEO VON: I remember that.

KEVIN JAMES: Okay.

THEO VON: Thank you for Solo Mio.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Okay. There. We’re. That’s even.

Blindness and Perspective

THEO VON: And there’s a. There’s a musical ensemble. You wouldn’t even imagine that this happens in this movie. That’s great.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: And that guy’s blind. You know it.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: I didn’t know. Finally, I’m looking. I’m looking at him like, this guy’s nonchalant, you know, about everything. And then I’m like, oh, this guy’s blind, or whatever. My friend’s blind.

KEVIN JAMES: You have a friend that’s blind?

THEO VON: Yeah.

KEVIN JAMES: How blind? Like, completely nothing.

THEO VON: It’s all.

KEVIN JAMES: But has he always been that way?

THEO VON: Yeah, he’s always been blind since he was. Yeah. I mean, he could maybe had vision when he was very young, but he’s always been blind.

KEVIN JAMES: Wow.

THEO VON: As far. As long as I’ve known him, he’s been blind. I thought it was amazing. Anytime I met somebody with, like, a deficiency, I always, like, admired it so much.

KEVIN JAMES: In some way, my sister lost her sight. Like, she’s like. But she. You know, she was born with sight. She was fine. And now, you know, it’s. She’s got retinitis pigmentosa, where it’s, like, it goes away and it’s. It’s. And I’m wondering if it’s, like, more difficult to have seen or to never have, you know, and just know. It’s just. Yeah. My heart goes out to all of them.

THEO VON: We had a blind girl in here one time, and she was talking about how she, like, learns things. Like, it’s almost like a video game. It’s like, that’s how she kind of remembers things and where to go and different, like. And so, like, she can slowly build, like, spaces to, like, walk in and things like that, she said. And then she said the worst animal that she’s. She’s, like, petted all kinds of animals, except a snake. Doesn’t give any energy back to the blind mind. That’s what she said.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah. It doesn’t give any back to the seeing either.

THEO VON: Yeah, that’s what I said, right? Yeah. 100. Tanja. Yeah, right there, My person.

KEVIN JAMES: Wow, that’s really. That’s cool, man.

THEO VON: You can feel that she’s awesome. I got to check back in with her, but. Yeah, guys, go see Solo Mio. You’ll enjoy it. Take your lady.

KEVIN JAMES: Yeah.

THEO VON: Take your man. Take whoever you got. Take your son. Take his stepson. That’s who needs to.

KEVIN JAMES: Yes. Bring your stepson.

THEO VON: Take your freaking steps. You’ve never taken that kid.

KEVIN JAMES: That’s all I want. Stepson’s in free. We should do a whole thing, right, dude?

THEO VON: Yeah, right.

KEVIN JAMES: Stepson’s getting free. I wonder if Angel could work that out.

THEO VON: And blinds. Get him free.

KEVIN JAMES: Sure. Absolutely. Let’s do it. I appreciate you, man.

THEO VON: Yeah. Thank you, man. Thank you so much.

KEVIN JAMES: Appreciate it.

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