Read the full transcript of Michelle Edelen’s talk titled “Excellence: The Power To Shape Your Destiny” at TEDxApexWomen 2024 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
A Life-Changing Phone Call
MICHELLE EDELEN: I remember exactly where I was standing, the exact moment when the phone call came that I had been waiting for. I was standing in the kitchen and I had my phone propped perfectly on the toaster. I had all of my ingredients spread out, I had my meat, the chicken was prepped and it was ready. I’m standing there and I’m looking at a video I had found on social media because I was going to make the most excellent French onion soup chicken.
So as I’m looking at the video and I’m getting the ingredients and I’m adding as I need to add, they’re just about to tell me how much garlic I need to add because we know you never want to put too much garlic.
And the phone rang. As I focused on the caller ID to see who would interrupt this most gracious opportunity for me to excel at cooking French onion soup chicken, I noticed that it was the phone call from the person that I had been waiting to see a call come in. It was a person who was at the right level in the right organization who was going to offer me the opportunity that was going to take me not to the next level but to the level beyond that.
I was so excited.
So as I’m standing there and I answer the phone and I’m listening to him and he’s going on and he’s sharing all of the details, he’s telling me all of the particulars about this promotion that’s coming my way.
And it was finally going to get me to the C-suite. I was so excited. And to be honest with you, I didn’t need to hear anything he was saying because I knew my answer was going to be yes.
Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone
But then as the call ended and I began to think, yeah, I never went back to the chicken recipe, I began to think about the call, I realized that it was going to require me to take a step. And not a step like a step. It was going to require a step that would take me totally out of my comfort zone. It would take me away from everything that seemed comfortable and familiar and my happy place.
But I knew it was what I needed and it was certainly what I wanted.
So as I’m there and I’m thinking about taking this step, all I can hear are my parents, my family. My father was the first black fireman to go through a whole career with the city of Raleigh and retire, which was unprecedented for his generation.
And I could hear him saying, “Michelle, seize every good opportunity.” I could hear my mother, who was a long time educator. She was the first teacher at her school to teach advanced placement courses when they were brand new.
And I could hear her saying, “Michelle, seize every good opportunity.” I could even hear my older brother. Yes, my older brother. Who at 16 years old, right here at Raleigh Durham International Airport, did his solo flight alone.
That’s what that means.
So he could achieve his pilot’s license. I could hear him saying to me, “Michelle, seize every good opportunity.”
So I’m looking at it and there’s a legacy there. They’ve laid a legacy. My parents, my brother, my family has laid a legacy of excellence. You know, excellence, being superior in a particular area.
That’s what I thought I was trying to do with the French onion soup chicken recipe that didn’t work out so well.
But I wanted to be excellent, like the legacy that had been laid before me. And what I realized is that there really is an interim step before you actually become excellent. And that is you have to identify. You have to own and activate your inner excellence. Your inner excellence is your abilities and your gifts, your knowledge, your skills, your talent, all those things that are inside of you.
And we all have them.
Life Comes at You Fast
But you know, life comes at you fast. And whether you’re ready or not, life comes at you fast. I’m reminded of a time where we had a new baby, my husband and I, and it seemed like we had this beautiful baby and then I went to bed one night and I woke up and he was turning a tassel, graduating from high school. Because life comes at you fast, whether you’re ready or not.
So whether it’s your career or it’s your personal life, life will come and it will happen and things will pile on top of your inner excellence. There are things, there are life circumstances, it may be an illness, it may be the loss of a loved one, it may be anything that is important to you or that hinders you. Maybe even self-limiting beliefs, self-doubt, imposter syndrome. It can all pile on top of your inner excellence.
I’m reminded of my grandson Bryson. And when he was maybe three or four, he got into his father’s cologne. And he comes and he sits beside me and he offers me his neck and he says, “Gigi, smell me.” And I took a deep breath and I said, “Oh, you smell so good.” I said, “What is that?” He said, “I use my dad’s neck lotion.” I said, “Well, honey, you do smell real good.”
The Pile of Life’s Challenges
So when I think about the piles in my life, they don’t smell like the neck lotion. They are heaping, massive piles that seem like that ton of bricks that falls on you and buckles your knees. It can leave you dazed and in a fog wondering what has happened. For me, it left me feeling embarrassed and like a failure.
My pile, I don’t know what yours is.
We all have a pile.
But my pile was a 15-month layoff in the middle of one of the worst recessions our nation had ever seen. New house, brand new baby, and I was laid off from the job that was the call that interrupted the French onion soup chicken recipe. It was a call that I have been waiting for.
Finding Your Inner Excellence
So what happens when the pile happens in your life? When the pile comes, and it sits on you, and it’s weighing you down, and it’s making you feel like you have somehow not accomplished what you should have accomplished, maybe feel like you didn’t do what you should have done, I submit to you that it’s because you’re looking externally for your excellence. You’re looking outside of you for what is already inside you.
It’s already there. Here’s a reality check for you. You don’t have to sit under the pile. You don’t have to make the pile your friend. You don’t have to nurse the pile. You don’t have to feed the pile. You don’t have to sit in a place of pity or wondering, woe is me, why did this happen, what am I going to do, no, no. You don’t have to stay in that place. You may find yourself in that place, but you don’t have to stay there.
See, life can hit you in a way that it takes the wind out of you, but when that happens, you have to find your breath, and your breath is inside of you. It’s your abilities, your gifts, your knowledge, your skills, and your talent. You all have it.
Defining the Pile and Making a Decision
When I found myself in this place where I was laid off, and I was sitting at home with this brand new baby in this brand new house, and my husband’s off at work, and we’re looking at each other, wondering, I’m thinking, okay, Michelle, what now? You know what I had to do? I had to figure out how to get the pile off of me. I could not let the pile control me. I could no longer feed the pile. The first thing I did, I defined what the pile was, and why it had such an impact on me.
As I told you, my pile was a layoff. I got exceeds in every performance review. I got the maximum salary increase for the performance review that I had received, and I was laid off right along with everybody else, whether they got exceed or need improvement, whether they got an increase or they didn’t. We were all laid off together.
I had to figure out, why is this rocking me to my core? What I realized is that I was looking at all of the external things that I had done that I thought got me to the place that I wanted to be. I had checked all the boxes. I had the degrees. I had the experience. I had all of the right connections. I had the mentors. I had the people who were willing to sponsor me and to help me, but what I failed to do was look inside.
Once I began to look inside and see what I had, I was able to use those things to pull myself up out of that state that I found myself in under the pile. You don’t have to stay under the pile. The second thing I did, I made a decision. I think about my sons who participated in track and field all the way through to college.
One of the events they did was the shot put. With the shot put, you have a 16-pound ball, and you have to decide whether you’re going to use the glide technique or the spin technique. Whichever you choose, you’re going to have to perfect it. You’re going to have to make a decision to practice that one at all times.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen spinning and gliding in my house without the ball, of course, but someone practicing one way or the other. Well, it’s the same way with your pile. You’re going to have to make a decision at some point that the pile will no longer control me. The pile will no longer weigh me down.
It will not depress me. It will not frustrate me. I will raise myself up from the pile. There’s a decision that you have to make. Once you’ve defined your pile, and then you’ve made a conscious, intentional, willful decision that you’re going to do something about the pile, the last step is the one that I love.
Taking Action: Owning and Activating Your Inner Excellence
And that is, you’re going to have to do something, meaning you’re going to have to do some work. Your inner excellence is still right there. The work you’re going to have to do is that you’re going to have to own it. You’re going to have to accept it, meaning, well, these are my abilities. These are my skills, my gifts, my knowledge, my talents. These are mine, so you’re going to have to own them and not say, well, I’m just different.
No, you’re not different. You have inner excellence. Your inner excellence may look very different from mine, but yours is what makes you who you are.
So you have to own that, and then you have to activate it. And by activate, I mean you have to put it to work. Put it to work for you, so that it is working in your favor, so that it is working to help you build the legacy, carry forth the legacy, so that you can get to your destiny. Because having a legacy is all about destiny.
Carrying Forward the Legacy
So as I was thinking about myself being laid off, I’m thinking, well, my parents, my brother, they laid the legacy for me. They laid a legacy in front of me.
What am I doing to carry forward my legacy? And I’ve been laid off. I had to define, I had to decide, and then I had to do. I had to get to work.
So not being excellent with the French onion soup chicken recipe has led me to where I am today. Through all of the piles of life, the layoff that I thought was going to be the end of me, for a moment, I thought it was going to be the end of me, but here I stand.
And I found all of my inner excellence, I began to use it, carved out an amazing career from which I will retire very soon. The pile does not have to end your legacy. The pile does not have to destroy your destiny. You can get beyond the pile, no matter how smelly it may be, no matter how large it may be, no matter how heavy it may be. You can get beyond the pile and get to your destiny, but it is excellence that is the key that will open the door for you to make it to your destiny.
So excellence isn’t just about being superior in a particular area, as Merriam-Webster Dictionary says.
