Here is the full transcript of journalist Adrienne Bankert’s talk titled “How To Build Trust In Seconds” at TEDxReno 2024 conference.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
Overcoming Adversity and Building Connections
I never should have made it to this stage, not according to statistics. I’m the oldest of seven children, raised on welfare. My siblings and I were the only black kids in a town of just about a thousand people. Racism, poverty, suicidal tendencies, it’s all in the family.
My father struggled with mental illness. My mother had no real friends. So at a very young age, I made a conscious decision that I was not going to repeat the history and the cycle of isolation. Success for me was knowing I could approach anyone, confident to talk to anybody.
The Power of Prompts in Building Trust
Success meant being rich in relationships. That determination proved vital as I pursued a career years later in broadcast journalism. And you know, I found out there’s one thing any of us can do, no matter where we come from, to build trust with anybody within seconds, whether we’re meeting them at a networking event or interviewing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. That one thing is a prompt.
Now we’ve heard about prompt engineering as it relates to artificial intelligence, right? We’ve heard about prompting in ChatGPT. Educators have used prompts for years to cue children and help them learn. And similarly, we can prompt engineer conversations.
Understanding Prompts
Now I’m not talking about forcing someone to talk or an elevator pitch. This is about being real, where both of you sense that you can relate to one another. A prompt is first a question, a statement, a gesture, or a story that piques curiosity. It’s the moment before the normal interaction of getting to know someone happens.
If you look “prompt” up in the dictionary, it means to move or excite to action, to make things happen. What prompting does is it makes momentum happen in conversations where a door of opportunity swings open, even with those who are hardest to win over.
Second, a prompt is honest and direct. If I may put it plainly, it obliterates all of the chit-chat, the obligation, and the BS.
The Impact of Prompts
It can actually trigger authenticity, shifting the atmosphere in a room. And third, a prompt is all about interest and a high level of respect for whoever you’re connecting with. Now I mentioned my father and his struggle with mental health. He lived poor his whole life, but his father was a successful businessman.
My grandmother lives on a golf course at the Ninth Hole. It was through this that I learned to treat everyone, no matter where they came from, with the same level of dignity, whether they were someone who my grandparents would have hung out with at the country club or somebody who was homeless, which is where my father would end up.
But I noticed that for most of us, when we meet important people, we get insecure or we try to impress them. Having imposter syndrome will never allow you to prompt, no matter how well you’ve researched someone.
Self-Reflection and Affirmations
And so it’s important to first locate ourselves if we want to be accurate with prompting. Before we go into new spaces, before we go into new rooms, we have to ask ourselves, “Do I feel anxious? Do I feel like I’m insecure? Why am I so afraid?”
Do I feel like people are against me in this room? Do I feel like I don’t belong? The most important question is, “Who do I want to be when I walk into new rooms?” And I find that affirmations can prompt us internally to shift our perspective.
If we say out loud, when we’re in our private spaces, before we walk into public ones, we tell ourselves, “I am confident. All these people put their pants on one leg at a time. I am kind. People enjoy talking to me.”
You know, it’s so important that we actually pay attention to what we’re saying about ourselves. I said “kind” for a reason. There’s a difference between kind and nice. Nice is polite.
Kindness vs. Niceness
Kind is observant and engaged. I want to be the most observant person in the room. But what if we can’t talk ourselves into confidence surrounding connection? We can prompt ourselves with purpose.
This is my go-to whenever I enter new spaces. I am on a mission to give and to serve. I can then discern who I’m supposed to talk to. It might be the person who’s hanging by themselves.
Putting Prompting into Practice
It might be somebody who looks like they have a hard time and struggle in networking events. I just did this the other day. I was at a luncheon and a woman appeared a bit nervous. I struck up conversation with her and she immediately responded with gratitude for the friendliness.
Knowing we have something to contribute allows us to devote a different kind of energy where we’re more willing to speak to people we do not know. You know, prompting essentially signals to other people, “Hey, I’m open. Are you open too?” Yes, it’s important to read the room depending upon where you are, depending on if the person is alone or with their spouse or with colleagues.
Adapting to Different Situations
Perhaps they’re high energy or subdued. All of that’s important. But bottom line, prompting helps us relax because it’s not about us. It’s about making them feel welcome and at ease. We’ve all heard simple prompts in action.
When somebody walks up to us and says something unpredictable like, “Man, wish they played more Curtis Mayfield at this party.” Or perhaps they come up and blurt out, “I think these events are awkward.
You know, I just came up to say hi because I want to overcome my social anxiety.” Humor and candor can help us get attention.
Recognizing Our Influence
But to create an atmosphere of trust, we have to know that we are influencers. And I’m not talking about the social media kind. We need to know we are important people in the room. One big example of this, because it doesn’t matter what your role is.
It doesn’t matter how much money you make. There’s no comparison. We influence people in our circles. We influence people we’ve just met.
The Power of Administrative Assistants
Think about an administrative assistant. She can influence the whole entire office. He can be someone that that boss confides in. They certainly influence and impact.
Now, for a lot of people, I find that it’s important to build that trust, but it’s also important to know we can use kindness to prompt others and to make them feel calm, to make them feel optimistic. It leads us into spaces where they’re more willing to share themselves. The last time I interviewed Lady Gaga, it was with the cast of “A Star is Born.” And she walked into the room.
They were all seated. And I could immediately tell Bradley Cooper was the head of this pack. He had coached Lady Gaga in acting. She had coached him in singing. But she looked to him as a source of calm and expertise. So when I asked her, when I heard someone refer to her as Stephanie, “Would you like to be referred to as Stephanie during this interview?” This was her first major motion picture. She said, “You can call me Gaga.”
Creating a Comfortable Atmosphere
“My friends call me Gaga.” But then she looked over at Bradley as if to affirm what she said. So I looked at Bradley. He says in the most stoic way, “Call her Lady Gaga.”
I obliged. But that one question set the tone for the whole interview. See, I deferred to him. In humility, I was able to connect.
The Power of Vulnerability
Moments later, Anthony Ramos was sharing a story I’d asked him about his high school drama teacher. She had given him so much in the early stages of his career. Unexpectedly, he started crying in the interview. We’re all tearing up.
I find out later all the publicists are crying. Why? All of us have been through hard things, whether we were raised poor, in the middle, or wealthy. We’ve gone through struggles.
The Universal Human Experience
That, coupled with the fact that most of us, even the extroverts, can be very cautious of meeting new people, levels the playing field, making anyone approachable. There are so many people in this world who have a similar story as you and me, and it’s nice to let them feel that they’re not alone. My mother taught me that. You can feel alone in the midst of a crowd.
And I learned that you can feel alone even in a designer suit and with a fancy title. You use empathy. You show people they care. That’s a prompt.
The True Meaning of Empathy
But empathy is thrown around like a hashtag. People are so concerned about saying it, they never explain how to do it. Here’s what I do. I use the power of imagination as I’m scanning a room and I’m about to introduce myself to a person or meet them for the first time, and I imagine what it’s like on their journey, just like I did with Anthony.
How long did they have to wait for their big break? How much money and energy did they use to invest in that new business? How many risks did they take? How many times have they been asked the same dumb question?
Using Empathy to Connect
Through that empathy and my imagination, I’m able to then be more interested in who they are, so that when I open my mouth, the first thing I say is not, “So, what are you working on?” Or “So, what do you do?”
Empathy is an art, and so is respect. I define respect as treating someone as the genius in the room. Whoever they are, whatever they do, whether it’s my dry cleaner or my boss, I was in a meeting once and everyone’s talking and being cordial, but the client, I kept turning the conversation back to the client, because they had more expertise than any of us.
And one thing I said to them was, “What question do you wish that more people ask you?” This is a subtle and nuanced way to show someone you have genuine appreciation for their experience, without kissing up. Another time I was in front of a CEO, and he was noticeably tense.
I said to him, “You know, being a CEO is one of the hardest jobs on the planet.” “Thank you,” he said. He sensed my compassion for his position. We will grow in our ability to connect as we grow in our compassion.
Everybody needs a breath of fresh air. Everybody wants more fun and mercy in their lives. And demonstrating mercy will allow other people to be more curious about getting to know you. Plus, we don’t know where those spontaneous moments of mercy or meeting new people can lead.
Unexpected Connections
I was on a plane, and we were getting ready to go to Mexico. I had a big meeting for work. I, of course, chatted up the person next to me. Yes, I’m that person.
The passenger and I had a friendly chat. And then they announced overhead, our flight would be delayed. We’d miss our connection. I immediately called up the airline and said, “Okay, I need to get on the next connection.”
Helping Others in Need
“I can’t miss this meeting. It’s very important.” The man I just met leans over and whispers to me, “Can you get me on the next flight too?” I said, “Sure.”
I love that prompt. It means to be ready as an occasion demands to be quick. So much of life is about making split-second decisions. As I’m on the phone with customer service, the gentleman is whispering his frequent flyer number in my ear.
We get to Mexico. We are running off the plane. I am heading to Mexico City. Heading to security, waving my goodbyes. I get there, and it’s an hour and a half long wait. I’m sweating. How am I going to do this? I need to be there in 45 minutes.
All of a sudden, a tap on the shoulder. The man I’ve met on the plane. “I have Mexican global entry. Come with me.” I fast-tracked through that line. Two people ahead of us made it to my meeting. That story still inspires me. Prompts inspire.
Sharing Inspiring Stories
When you meet new people, you don’t have to talk about yourself. Share stories like that. Share stories of meeting one in a million people. Talk about the communities you serve.
Talk about your goals for the greater good, and you’ll prompt others to do the same. That will make you both meaningful to that person and memorable. That’s all we want. We want those one in a million moments.
Embracing New Opportunities
Listen, a lot of people walk into new spaces and rooms full of questions. I encourage you to know you are full of answers. Closed doors are not a barrier to you. It’s a treasure hunt with keys all around you.
As you focus on prompts, I promise you, you’ll see an innovation in conversation, and people will look at you and say, “Wow, you’re a breath of fresh air,” which is exactly what we all need right now. Thank you.
