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Home » Sami Moukaddem on Living with Depression and Suicidal Feelings (Full Transcript)

Sami Moukaddem on Living with Depression and Suicidal Feelings (Full Transcript)

Sami Moukaddem

Here is the full transcript of Living with Depression and Suicidal Feelings by Sami Moukaddem at TEDxLAU

Listen to the MP3 Audio here: On living with depression and suicidal feelings by Sami Moukaddem at TEDxLAU

TRANSCRIPT:

So I am five years old. I am standing on the balcony, 7th floor, and I am calculating. When I went to my grandmother and asked her, “What happens when people die?”

She says, “Nothing; everything goes black”.

So being practical, I went to my bedroom, lied on my bed, closed my eyes. And 10 minutes later, I started to cry, because I felt myself in darkness. I cried because I lost the option of not existing because that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to not exist anymore.

Now things got better, much better. And by the age of 13, I was praying and I had an amazing experience where my chest just opened, and I felt this love for the whole world. It’s like a state of bliss, and it lasted for about two months. Literally, I felt love for everything around me, rocks, whatever. I had been reading about a serial killer. There is love coming. It’s strange.

But then something weird happened. It’s like a light bulb that just got an extra bit of light and it popped. And I fell in a hole inside myself and that’s the beginning of depression.

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