Here is the full transcript of freelance writer Sarah Knight’s TEDx Talk presentation: The Magic of Not Giving a F*** at TEDxCoconutGrove conference. She is the author of the bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck.
Listen to the MP3 Audio: The Magic of Not Giving a F— by Sarah Knight at TEDxCoconutGrove conference
Sarah Knight – Freelance writer
We’re living in a post-tidying society. Everyone, including me, has a story about de-cluttering their home. Gathering all of their possessions into the middle of the floor, deciding what brings joy, and then bidding farewell to a set of spatulas in pursuit of a calmer, happier life.
But what if we could gather up all of the other stuff: tasks, events, obligations relationships — and drop it at the kerb without a single regret? And by doing so, be free to focus our time, energy, and money on the stuff that really makes us happy?
Well, I figured out how to do it. It is great, and I call it, “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck.” I hope you’ll excuse my language because there is more where that came from.
So before I can teach you how to stop giving a fuck, we have to talk about what it means to give one in the first place. ‘Giving a fuck’ means you care, right? So when I say, “I don’t give a fuck about ‘Game of Thrones,'” I mean, “I don’t care about ‘Game of Thrones.'”
Now, let’s take the concept a step further. And let’s define your ‘fucks’ as your time, energy, and money. So if you don’t care about something, you should stop giving your fucks to it. I don’t care about ‘Game of Thrones’ so I don’t spend time watching it; I don’t spend energy wondering where the next season is going; and I don’t spend my money on the books, or merchandise, or anything Westeros related. ‘Game of Thrones’ does not get any of my fucks. Make sense?
By making these calculated decisions, you wind up with more time, energy, and money to spend on the things you really do care about. And I call that “making a fuck budget.”
I’ll get back to fuck budgets in a minute, but first, I want to tell you a little bit about how the life-changing magic of not giving a fuck happened to me.
Two and a half years ago, I was a senior editor at a major New York publishing house. I had spent 15 years clawing my way up the corporate ladder, I had a roster of best-selling authors, and everything I always thought I wanted from my career was coming to pass.
But I was really, really unhappy. The kind of unhappy that makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning; the kind of unhappy that makes it hard to commute 45 minutes on the New York City subway; and hard to spend 8 to 10 hours at your desk before turning around, going home, and doing it all over again. So, I quit.
And making that decision was also really hard. A lot of red wine, a lot of tears. But what came after I quit was nothing short of life-changing. Once I removed myself from the culture and lifestyle of a job that had been making me so unhappy, I was free to focus my time and energy on what would make me happy, including working, but just in a different way, and eventually, on moving from Brooklyn to a tropical island.
I stopped giving my fucks to working for a corporation, wearing pants, and taking those long subway commutes. And I started giving my fucks to working for myself, wearing bikinis, and taking long walks on the beach. I’m telling you, life changing.
But none of that change happened because I had tidied up my apartment. It happened because I cleared out my mind. Let me try and explain.
Imagine your mind is a barn, and inside it are all of the things that bring you joy, but also, all of the stuff that annoys you. The potential for a happy life is there, but you have to clear out the annoy to make room for the joy. This is mental de-cluttering, and it is magical. I did it by accident when I quit my job, but it was so amazing that I developed a way for you to do it on purpose. I call it “The Not Sorry Method.”
The Not Sorry Method
It has two steps. Step one: Decide what you don’t give a fuck about. Step two: Don’t give a fuck about those things. Simple, right?
But I know what you’re thinking: ‘This sounds like a recipe for turning into an asshole’. It’s OK, I get that a lot. But that’s where the “not sorry” part comes in.
See, my method is all about not giving a fuck using honesty and politeness. So in the end, you don’t have to feel guilty. You are on your best behavior, and you have nothing to apologize for. You are quite literally not sorry. You’re also not an asshole.
So how might The Not Sorry Method work for you? Well, let’s say, you love ‘Game of Thrones’ and you’ve been invited to a Sunday night dinner party that interferes with watching your favorite show. You feel bad about turning down the invite, but you really love ‘Game of Thrones,’ and you don’t want to record it to watch later because… spoilers.