Here is the transcript and summary of pageant winner Maria Thattil’s talk titled “The 6 Words You Need To Change Your Life” at TEDxSydney conference. In this TEDx talk, Maria talks about her journey of self-discovery and the pivotal moment that changed her life. She shares her experience of feeling trapped by societal pressures and the need for external validation. However, she realizes that she doesn’t need to conform to society’s expectations to be successful. Instead, she embraces her true self and uses her voice to speak about issues that matter to her.
Listen to the audio version here:
TRANSCRIPT:
Do you all remember a significant moment where your life changed? The year here is 2020, and I have just come out of 112 days in lockdown, and I’m one of two women on a split screen, broadcasted digitally all over the world, and I hear, and the winner is Maria Thattil. And in that moment, I had just become only the third woman of color in 69 years to be Miss Universe Australia. Thank you.
But you can see it on my face, there was this air of disbelief, because I had gone from being this closeted child of working class Indian immigrants, one of who is an ex-priest, to now being, I didn’t realize that was funny, but somebody had a giggle, you know. And then I went to being the representative of our country on one of the biggest stages in the
And now, I’m an openly queer and sex positive author, TV presenter, podcaster, and host, and I can see how, yeah, that’s, it looks like it’s the moment my life changed. In fact, it was actually my little brother who’s here today who recently said to me, I’m just waiting for my Miss Universe propeller moment, you know, the one that’s going to change everything. And to be fair, he is so gay, so he might actually be waiting for his Miss Universe moment. I don’t know.
But see, I’ve learned something about these moments that change our life. And contrary to what you think of that, it wasn’t it. In fact, it wasn’t even a moment, but it was six words.
And just four years ago, I was broke, in five figures of debt, newly single and closeted. And I just moved back in with my parents, I was working in a corporate job that I hated. But I knew with every fiber in my being that I was meant for more. But I didn’t know what and I didn’t know how, but I was waiting for something, just anything to change my life.
And how many of you relate to that? You know, you’ve worn what someone else has said to you. And now you feel like you can’t live the life that you want to live because you’re stuck. See, I first felt stuck when it came to my skin. It was 2013, and this is what I looked like. I was basically cosplaying as a white woman, you guys, like, I don’t know why nobody told me, lose the eye contacts, color match the foundation.
It just, what drives someone to wear a costume for everyday life? You know, I had absorbed messages that I did not fit ideas for beauty, power and success. And so I thought I had to change. And I absorbed those messages really young.
I mean, I was five when my first crush said to me that he couldn’t like me because I was a monster with dirty skin. And I grew up in an Australia where diversity wasn’t celebrated. They didn’t have representation for South Asian people like me and racial abuse was tolerated. So I would go home and I would scrub my knees raw in the shower, hoping the color would wash away because that little girl grew into a 13-year-old who used skin bleaching creams before she even used makeup. Same.
And I look back on it, and I think about how I thought if I changed my skin, maybe I’d be good enough. And I did the same thing when it came to my sexuality too. And I’m going to be so real with you guys for a minute.
Do you know what it’s like to be the daughter of an ex-priest and trying to tell your parents that you like to eat out and I’m not talking about restaurants? Try explaining that joke to mom and dad later, you guys. I grew up in a really culturally conservative and religious context. And the ideas I had about life, love, sex, gender, it was from these limiting frameworks that taught me the honorable thing to do is find a nice man to fall for, marry, and procreate with.
And so I obsessed over that. And I figured if I marry a nice white guy who ideally looks like Zac Efron, I’d be good enough. I’d have made it. And I got there, not with Zac Efron. But I found a man that I loved and I spent years waiting for the ring and falling asleep every night while fantasizing about what it was like to be with a woman.
But it stayed a fantasy because I thought I was powerless to change. And I did the same thing when it came to my ambitions. I, after school, did degrees in psychology, in management, I started working in corporate HR, and I thought if I follow this conventional blueprint for success, people are going to look at me and they’re going to be like, yes, she’s successful. She’s made it.
See, I wore what other people said, and it made me think I can’t because I’m not enough. And so did I do anything to change my life? I didn’t.
And so four years ago, I hit a sad, broke low. But that same year, I saw an Indian-Australian lawyer win Miss Universe Australia.
And I felt two things. One, excitement because I thought I’ve just seen her propel a moment. But two, this unshakable, unexplainable fire where I just thought I have to know what that feels like. And so short as I am, brown as I am, I threw my hat in the ring.
And so it’s 2020, COVID came, and lockdowns followed. How do you compete when you can’t attend events, you can’t network, you can’t exercise? I couldn’t even leave my house for more than one hour a day. And at the time, after that breakup, I moved back in with mom and dad. What was I going to do on a dirt road on the outskirts of Melbourne to show people that I could be Miss Universe Australia? Well, this.
Yeah, okay, just give me a minute to explain, guys. In Miss Universe, there is a catwalk segment. And because I was locked down, I had to submit a video of myself doing it. But my parents lived in a tiny rental, didn’t have a good enough stretch of floor to catwalk on.
So what did I do? I hit the streets. But obviously, that wasn’t working. And so, God, my mom came to the rescue. And this story is about to get so much weirder. She called the local priest. And she asked him if we could use the church hall. And he said yes.
And honestly, I don’t think he knew that this is what was going on. But forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. And so, honestly, the way I campaigned in 2020 was by asking myself, what do I have? I had a phone, and I had an internet connection.
And so, I decided to host an empowerment series online. And every week, for 32 weeks, I went on Instagram Live, and I would talk to people about social and political issues that mattered. And I spoke about things like sexual harassment, consent, race. And that series garnered hundreds and thousands of views.
Because I decided if I’m going to win, I’m going to win because of what I have to say. And not because I’m fitting somebody else’s ideas of beauty, power, and success. And my campaign, it pushed me into public discourse. And believe me, people had opinions.
I cannot tell you how many times I opened my phone to comments, and this is verbatim, like, I miss the days when Australia sent tall, white women to Miss Universe, or trashy tabloids writing articles about you. And suddenly, it’s gone viral. And now, for weeks on end, you are getting thousands of DMs like, kill yourself, deport her, she’s not even Australian. See, I didn’t expect that, and that nearly got me.
But I decided that I was not going to stay stuck in the idea that who I was was something to fix. I did not go that far to buckle. And so, when people told me that my differences were why I was not enough, I told them my differences are why I need to be there. And so that year, the way I showed up as Miss Universe Australia was by writing and producing my own campaign videos.
And then I started to pitch opinion articles for free, and those articles led to me being offered two national columns, columns that led to my first book deal. And after speaking up about the racism I was experiencing as Miss Universe Australia, I was invited to guest on a major morning show, and believe me, I was scared. I was scared it would open me up again to more hate, but I swallowed the fear and I did it anyway. And it’s led to the career that I have now.
And looking back at the start of this talk, you saw my face when I was in disbelief because I had just won Miss Universe Australia. Well, when I ended up making the top 10 at the global Miss Universe competition representing Australia, I didn’t feel disbelief, I felt this powerful. Guys, I didn’t realize that was a laugh moment, but okay, I’m going to roll with it. I felt powerful.
And to this day, the public doesn’t see how many times I’m still told no, or how hard you have to fight to be in a room, especially when the further along you go, there are less people like you in those rooms. But I do it because I know that that kind of courage is important, and it’s led to some of the bravest moments in my life, including being that daughter of an ex-priest and coming out on national television.
And so I do it because there is someone out there who might see themselves in me, and I want them to know that who you are is not a compromise to your ability to live a life beyond limits, it is your fuel. And I’ve learned that big change, it happens because of cumulative moments every single day that masquerades as everyday decisions.
It’s the moment you decide to throw away the skin bleaching creams, or when despite all the odds you get up and you hit a dirt road just to get the job done, or when faceless trolls tell you to kill yourself and that you should be deported, it is every moment you block, delete, and you keep being visible and heard. Because you don’t change your life by waiting for a propeller moment. You change your life when you realize that opportunities for greatness, they don’t always come across as great.
So stop wearing what other people say, and instead tell yourself every day, I can, I am, and I will.
Thank you.
SUMMARY OF THIS TALK:
Maria Thattil’s talk titled “The 6 Words You Need To Change Your Life” revolves around her journey from feeling stuck and powerless to becoming Miss Universe Australia and an advocate for change. Here are the key takeaways:
1. Significant Life-Changing Moments: Maria recalls her win as Miss Universe Australia in 2020, becoming the third woman of color to hold the title. However, she emphasizes that this wasn’t the moment that changed her life.
2. Struggles with Identity and Acceptance: Growing up as a child of Indian immigrants in Australia, Maria faced racial abuse and felt the need to conform to societal standards of beauty. She used skin bleaching creams and hid her sexuality, believing that changing herself would make her “good enough”.
3. Feeling Stuck and Powerless: Maria describes feeling stuck in her life, working in a corporate job she hated and waiting for something to change her life. She felt constrained by societal expectations regarding her career, relationships, and identity.
4. Inspiration and Taking Action: Inspired by an Indian-Australian lawyer winning Miss Universe Australia, Maria decided to participate despite her initial reservations. During the COVID-19 lockdown, she creatively used her resources to campaign, hosting an online empowerment series discussing social and political issues.
5. Facing Backlash and Perseverance: Maria faced online hate and racist comments during her campaign but chose to persist and use her differences as her strength. She produced her own campaign videos and wrote opinion articles, leading to national columns and a book deal.
6. Realization and Empowerment: Maria realized that life-changing moments aren’t always grand but are cumulative everyday decisions. She learned to embrace her identity and use it as fuel to live a life beyond limits.
7. The 6 Words: Maria concludes that the six words that changed her life were: “I can, I am, and I will.” These words represent a shift from waiting for external validation to empowering oneself and taking control of one’s life.
8. Encouragement to Others: Maria encourages others to stop conforming to what others say and to believe in their own potential. She emphasizes that everyone has the power to change their life through everyday decisions and actions.
In summary, Maria Thattil’s talk is a powerful narrative about self-acceptance, resilience, and empowerment. She underscores the importance of believing in oneself and taking proactive steps to bring about change, rather than waiting for a singular life-altering moment.
