Actress Grace Van Patten on Call Her Daddy Podcast (Transcript)

I had a weird—I don’t know.

ALEX COOPER: I get it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Something about snapping turtle just nipping at his nipples, I guess, got me.

ALEX COOPER: Honestly, that show, do you get it at all? Without a doubt.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Okay.

ALEX COOPER: But I could see—no, because what was it recently on an episode of Love Island. Then everyone was doing it where this girl was like, okay, wait, who is your—okay, wait, but hear me out. Who you would hook up with. But it’s a, okay, wait, hear me out.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: But you wouldn’t want to.

ALEX COOPER: But people would be so f*ing judgy. And mine—yes, mine used to be I thought Johnny Depp, specifically as Captain Jack Sparrow with the eyeliner.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: That’s a good one.

ALEX COOPER: And I—but I was like, why am I so attracted to that?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I get it. Talented. Talent.

ALEX COOPER: Steve-O.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Something about a daredevil. I don’t know, adventure.

ALEX COOPER: Okay.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Love it.

Horrible First Impressions

ALEX COOPER: Okay. What’s the time you made a horrible first impression?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, God, probably so many times. I do remember one of my first movies. Dustin Hoffman was playing my grandpa. And the first time I met him, I thought it would be cute to be like, hey, Grandpa. And I saw his face kind of drop, and I was—my face turned red. I was so embarrassed.

And from that, I realized, you know, do not call any actor old.

ALEX COOPER: He’s like, honestly, f* off. You’re like, well, I thought it was for the—yeah, he called me old.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I was mortified.

ALEX COOPER: It’s the worst when you have something ready in your head.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I planned it, and then it comes out and you see, not only didn’t it land, it actually just pissed the person off.

ALEX COOPER: And you’re like, so swing and a miss. And I was ready. I was going in there, this is going to make everyone laugh.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No.

ALEX COOPER: Ready?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Actual anger. Anger.

Being Mistaken for Shailene Woodley

ALEX COOPER: Okay, Grace, last one. Who was—what was the first time you were ever recognized in public?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Probably before I started acting for my work in Divergent as Shailene Woodley. That’s probably the first times I got recognized was as Shailene Woodley.

ALEX COOPER: That’s actually amazing. Rewind. So many people in your life have come up to you and been like, Shailene?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. Especially when I was in high school and she was in the Divergent series and also that movie with George Clooney.

ALEX COOPER: Oh, yes.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: The Descendants, I think.

ALEX COOPER: Yes, yes, yes.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: And we had very similar hair at the time, and that happened a lot.

ALEX COOPER: Have you ever met her?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes, I met her once, and I think I said something, but I always get so nervous in those moments.

ALEX COOPER: Did you feel like when you met her, you both were—you see the resemblance? Is it annoying when people say that, though?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No. Right.

ALEX COOPER: Because when you’re compared to each other, where you’re like, we’re both also—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: She’s so beautiful and so talented. I’m like, yeah, that’s actually so true.

ALEX COOPER: When people are compared to people that you’re probably like, wait, guys, that’s not funny. Don’t compare me. Wait, do we actually look—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: And then you don’t want to act offended.

ALEX COOPER: Right? Right, Right. No, Shailene’s gorgeous.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. I’m like, I will take it. That’s fair.

Family Life

ALEX COOPER: Okay, let’s talk about your family.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Okay.

ALEX COOPER: You have two sisters, right? How would you describe your relationship with them?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: They’re my best friends.

ALEX COOPER: And you’re the oldest.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I’m the oldest. And then I have a middle sister who’s only two years younger than me. And then I have a 14-year-old sister.

ALEX COOPER: So 15 years apart. Yeah. Yeah. What is that like?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Which was wild at first. My mom was 45 and she was like, I’m pregnant. And I was like, what does that mean?

ALEX COOPER: Right?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I was 15. I’m like, you guys have sex? That’s disgusting. Now I’m like, good for you. I couldn’t fathom what life would be like. I’ve lived 15 years. We’re a little family unit. And what is—I couldn’t comprehend what that would be like. And then she was born and it’s the best thing that could have happened to our family. It’s kept us all young.

ALEX COOPER: I do feel like I’ve seen that where if someone has a lot of younger siblings, it kind of gives a fresh new energy that keeps you guys more—okay, we’re still young. We’re not all out of the house. There’s reason to come home. She’s in high school now or whatever. And you’re like, that’s fun.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It’s so fun.

ALEX COOPER: Is she watching you though? In—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: She’s not watching Tell Me Lies.

ALEX COOPER: I told her not to. Okay.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: But she’ll—she’s always sending me TikTok edits of myself and I’m like, June, I love you. I’m not going to watch this. But every time I see her, she’s like, look at you. Look at this thing. And I’m like—

ALEX COOPER: She’s like, there’s TikTok edits.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: She’s excited.

ALEX COOPER: That’s really cute though, that she’s like, they’re shipping you online. And you’re like, stop showing me the fan edit. Yeah. And I don’t want to see. But at least she gets to see something.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

Growing Up on Film Sets

ALEX COOPER: Your dad is a well-known director. What was it like growing up on these type of sets? That’s obviously a very unique experience. And now you being in the industry, but before you were fully in the industry. Tell me about what that was like growing up like that.

Growing Up Around Acting

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It was amazing. I mean, I was always so curious about what my dad was doing and then being able to watch through a couple different jobs that he’s done and how they were all different. But being surrounded by so many different types of people at a young age was really interesting.

And watching all of these amazing actors do what they do, I was just so in awe of that. You could play dress up as a job. That’s how I saw it, that’s how I still see it. It’s just a very fun thing when you’re doing it. The rest of it can be scary and unpredictable and inconsistent. But when you’re actually doing it, it’s so much fun. That’s it.

ALEX COOPER: That’s really cool because I feel like I grew up and my dad was more in the sports television world, but I always accredit, there was something about growing up watching my dad get up every day and go and do something he was so passionate about. He loved it.

I feel like all of my siblings and I either went into entrepreneurship or the creative because I didn’t understand what it would be like to not be so immersed and love it so much and go for your passion, which is such a privilege. But it’s so cool to watch. And so it’s been, I think innately in me that I was like, I have to wake up every day and love what I do because both of my parents did that. Which it feels like you kind of were watching being like, this is so incredible. I want to immerse myself also in that world.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: 100%. That is the main thing I took from it. And he’s only ever done jobs that he’s so passionate about. And I really try to do that.

First Acting Job on The Sopranos

ALEX COOPER: You got your first acting job on the Sopranos when you were eight?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Walking in on that set day and that whole experience. What do you remember about it?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I remember the most vivid memory was the audition. That is engraved in my brain. It will be forever because I have never been so nervous for something because I was telling my parents, I want to be an actor, I want to do that. But I was 8 and they were like, okay. And I kept bugging them about it until my dad was like, all right, you can audition. You can try and audition.

And I remember to this day, every step of walking to the elevator of Steiner Studios and signing my name, they just left me. They were like, go. And I sign my name in the guest book, whatever it is. And I’m waiting in the chairs with all these other girls with their parents, and they call my name in, and it’s a bunch of producers, and my dad’s in the back with his legs crossed.

So they really wanted me to feel how it would feel if he was not involved, which I appreciate now. But I remember doing that audition and just feeling so scared and so nervous, and then obviously I didn’t consistently act in between. When I actually started acting, there was a gap. I just went to school and didn’t continue to audition and didn’t do any of that.

Performing Arts High School

ALEX COOPER: So you went to a performing arts high school, though?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: Talk to me about how this was different than a traditional high school.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It was insane. I can’t imagine going to a normal high school. It was all of these very creative, quirky kids, literally singing and dancing on tables and in the hallway, people on vocal rest, writing on whiteboards, and young kids that were very serious already about their art.

And of course, there was variety. There were kids who didn’t want to be there, and I was kind of in the middle. I loved acting, but I didn’t know if I wanted to do it as a career yet. It was just a hobby. But yeah, it was a wild experience.

ALEX COOPER: I heard that you and Timothée Chalamet went to the same school.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: He was a grade above me.

ALEX COOPER: Did you ever get to watch his infamous talent show performances?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Every year, front and center. I witnessed the great act. It was incredible. It’s just as amazing as it probably is watching the footage. There is footage of it.

ALEX COOPER: There’s footage. People have it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: The world gets to experience.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah, yeah, there’s footage. But if people don’t know what we’re talking about, can you lightly describe what his performance was?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: He had a rapper alter ego named Tiny Tim or something.

ALEX COOPER: That’s it. And he would…

GRACE VAN PATTEN: We had these yearly talent shows, which was called Rising Stars, and this talent show was like American Idol. It was all of the most insanely talented kids doing either rapping or singing or doing crazy contemporary dance or playing a flute. You name it, it was insane. I would still go to it because it was just the most talented kids.

ALEX COOPER: And you, did you ever partake in the show?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No, I didn’t get asked.

Tell Me Lies

ALEX COOPER: Tell me lies. Yes, tell me the first time you read the script. Initial vibe, what did you think?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I loved it. It got me so excited. I was like, because it was my dream to do a toxic, f*ed up relationship thing.

ALEX COOPER: Why?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Because I just loved those movies. They’re my favorite movies. I don’t know why.

ALEX COOPER: I do too.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I mean, I loved Steve O. I clearly liked it.

ALEX COOPER: Just some toxic. There is a through line energy.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: There’s some through line. But I loved watching those movies. They’re my favorite actors who have been in movies like that. So it was just something that I wanted to be a part of. And I thought it was so cool that it was a TV show and also about young people in a toxic relationship.

And I only read the pilot when I first read it, so I had no idea. I just had no idea what it was going to become in terms of chaotic.

ALEX COOPER: That’s actually crazy to read the pilot. And you were like, oh, this is going to be really…

GRACE VAN PATTEN: This is tame.

ALEX COOPER: And then to find out.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah, because Lucy in the pilot is a completely different person. I thought I was signing up to be a preppy, kind of closed off, going to college, maybe going to reinvent herself, meets a guy. It sucks. But she is a full spiral out, manic journey that I did not know.

ALEX COOPER: If you had to say, because I know as an actor, I’m sure you’re trying to find some ins, is there anything you relate to her on?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah, for sure. I mean, I definitely related, especially first season when I was filming it, being young and being really afraid of your feelings and then showing them and being like, oh, this is why I was afraid of them.

I think you meet Lucy in season one and she’s very, has a guard up and then this guy just slowly chips away at it. And then she’s like, gates are open and she can’t reel it back now. And I’ve totally had that.

ALEX COOPER: Have you been in situations where you feel like you’ve maybe not been as vulnerable in your life and then you’re saying when you’ve been, you’re like, oh, that just bit me in the ass. Kind of.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes. And then coming out the other side of it being like, vulnerability is the most powerful thing you could ever have in any relationship or friendship.

Comparing Herself to Lucy

ALEX COOPER: Okay, I know you said in the past you hope you’re not like Lucy, which I agree with. But also, we love her because she’s entertaining. We love her heading into season three.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: What is the biggest difference would you say between you and Lucy now?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Probably not learning her lesson. I feel like I’m pretty good at knowing I’ve made mistakes and then stopping and she’s a little relentless with that.

ALEX COOPER: Oh, she’s relentless. Okay, we’re going to do some rapid fire Tell me Lies.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Okay.

ALEX COOPER: Which character would you want to be friends with in real life?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Probably Wrigley. Probably Wrigley. Abby.

ALEX COOPER: Especially the sweetie boy.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Okay. What item of clothing would you steal from Lucy’s closet?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Well, I just did steal some when we wrapped.

ALEX COOPER: Really?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, yeah. I stole the iconic true religions that I cannot find in real life any that look good or fit. But for some reason, the Lucy jeans that Charlotte, who’s the costume designer found. Charlotte, can I please. Charlotte will help you. She’s a genius at finding.

ALEX COOPER: Dude, I need to find Charlotte the low rise jeans that she has found for you.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It’s crazy. She really found that.

ALEX COOPER: Oh, I would steal it too.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Okay, which character frustrates you the most?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Lucy. Lucy.

ALEX COOPER: What’s been Lucy’s most cringe worthy moment?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, it’s a lot to choose from. I think any time Lucy thinks she’s being subtle about something is the most cringy.

ALEX COOPER: That’s a good point.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: When she’s, I think it was season one when she tells Steven that she’s not going to India because some reason, but it’s so obvious that she’s staying in town to be with him and he shuts her down.

ALEX COOPER: It’s like the modern day version of back in the day with the Hills. When Lauren was the girl that didn’t go to Paris because she stayed to go with her boyfriend.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: And that was you. You’re not going to India, babe, because of Steven.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I know.

ALEX COOPER: It’s not.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Because it’s really obvious.

ALEX COOPER: Okay. Mine was though, the underwear moment in season two.

The Coconut Bra Scene

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, my God, of course.

ALEX COOPER: Of course. I was screaming at my television. When you are hooking up with both of them in the same day and you’re wearing the same f*ing underwear.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Same underwear.

ALEX COOPER: I was like, no.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Disgusting. Disgusting.

ALEX COOPER: But honestly, genius writing.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I know.

ALEX COOPER: So good. So good.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, that was gnarly.

Dating Advice for Lucy

ALEX COOPER: Okay, what is one piece of dating advice you would really like to give Lucy if you were her friend?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Honestly, I feel like I would tell her, well, there’s the obvious ones of get the f* away from him.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: But people don’t listen to that. People need to figure that out for themselves. So I would tell her to try and mend her relationship with her mom because she’s had zero parental guidance this whole time. She has a shitty relationship with her mom, and I feel like if she had some sort of motherly figure, just tell her.

Because it was so helpful when my mom, when you’re caught up in something when you’re young and your mom just tells you, reminds you how unimportant this is in the grand scheme of your life and how helpful that is to hear from just an older, wiser person.

ALEX COOPER: It’s so true. I feel like there’s been so many moments watching the show that I’m like, oh, my God. If only she could go to her mom and feel like she could actually tell her what’s going on. Her mom as an adult could be like, babe. But because she lacked that, there’s kind of nowhere to go. And obviously when you are in college, I experienced it, we’re all a shit show at that point in our lives. So your friends can only give you so much advice, but at the same time.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: You’re doing a similar, everyone’s doing a similar.

ALEX COOPER: The same kind of. And so it’s like you need someone that’s actually been through life to be like, walk away.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes, trust me, walk away. Or everything will be okay. Somebody just to tell her that, you’re good.

F*, Marry, Kill

ALEX COOPER: F*, Marry, Kill. Max, Leo, Evan.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, my God, poor Max. So poor Max. He’s been right in front of her the whole time and she’s just looking past him. She’s not. Oh, poor Max. Marry Max, obviously, probably kill Evan.

ALEX COOPER: Bye, Evan.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I love you. Sorry, Evan. It’s okay. Sorry, Evan.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah, that’s so funny. Okay, what is, in your opinion, the most f*ed up thing Lucy or Steven have done to each other?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I mean, Steven walking out of the Hawaiian party with Diana hand in hand, leaving Lucy in a coconut bra was pretty.

ALEX COOPER: Has your sister showed you those edits on TikTok?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I don’t think so. They’re everywhere.

ALEX COOPER: They still live to this day. Even though we’re going on season three, that still. What was your reaction when you read that scene? Because you only read jaw on the floor.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Jaw on the floor. There’s a really funny thing that happened because Robin Wright was directing that episode, the amazing Robin Wright. And she really approached her directing style because she’s an actor. She knew how to talk to actors and she knew that Jackson and I were dating and was basically just tried to get me to believe that this was real life.

Just think, what if Jackson did do this? What if he walked out and said on the way out, I never loved you. I don’t even think you’re pretty. And I was in the moment, I was like, oh, God, that’d be really awful. Really bad. And I just tried to go there, but really with that moment, it was pure shock.

I thought the less of a reaction, the more impactful it would be because it’s like you don’t even know what’s going on. Everything’s in slow motion.

ALEX COOPER: It’s a good point. There’s actually, there is no reaction.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: There’s no reaction.

ALEX COOPER: You’re going to probably process it later.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Exactly.

ALEX COOPER: But in the moment, you’re dissociating.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. You’re, yeah, I imagined it in slow motion. Because it’s like, and I think that’s what they did. Edit. They slowed it down. Because it’s like you can’t even.

Toxic Relationships and Lessons Learned

ALEX COOPER: I remember watching the first season, and I think something that I really appreciated about it is it’s such an accurate portrayal of what a toxic relationship is. And I think that’s why so many people really gravitate towards it. Because I haven’t seen something like this done in cinema. Because you kind of are watching it and you’re, it’s such a slow, sneaky burn at first.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: For you, in your life, what is the hardest. I know you’ve said you’ve never been in a toxic relationship. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve had to learn in dating?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I mean, I feel like to go back to what we were talking about before with vulnerability. Before I learned that, I feel like it was so hard because I wasn’t communicating and they didn’t know how I felt. So it would just become a mess because I didn’t know how to talk about my feelings.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah, I know. I think you said somewhere you had never been in a toxic situation, but you’ve been in immature relationships.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Which is all of us. And when you start dating people and it’s cute because we think we’re so mature when we get into relationships.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Totally.

ALEX COOPER: When we’re in our teens or twenties or whatever it be, and you’re like, I’m literally an adult mom. Don’t tell me what to do. Meanwhile, you actually have no idea what you’re.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I have no idea.

ALEX COOPER: You have no idea what you’re doing. What did some of those more immature things look like for you just in life of dating?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I feel like just lack of communication. Jealousy is probably a big immature relationship thing, I feel, which is normal throughout even non-toxic relationships. It’s very natural. But that intensity of jealousy that felt like death or something, you know.

ALEX COOPER: It’s all encompassing.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. There’s always the fear too of even when you know something should be coming to an end. The fear of what is life after that? That’s always a scary thought even. Even if you know what you have to do. Even if it is immature, even if it is toxic, it’s like that fear.

Having Tough Conversations with Friends

ALEX COOPER: Lucy’s friends are obviously always telling her to leave Steven, but she never wants to listen. Obviously. Have you ever been in a tough situation with a friend where you know you need to have a conversation with them about who they’re seeing? Whether it’s because it’s deteriorating their mental health or you found out they were cheated on or whatever it be. Have you had that?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah, for sure.

ALEX COOPER: How do you even approach those moments? Because some people are like, I’m not getting involved. Some people get involved.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. It depends on the friend.

ALEX COOPER: Okay.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I mean, especially when something is so overt, like cheating. Somebody cheated on my friend. I feel no problem being like, don’t settle for that. But it’s also hard. It’s because you want to support your friends. And a lot of them, a lot of people are in this vicious cycle of relationships and it’s, even if they know it’s not good for them, it’s just, it’s hard to break the cycle. That’s the hardest part.

ALEX COOPER: And it’s hard being a friend because you’re like, on one hand, I feel like it’s my duty as a friend to be like, girl.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: But then I also know you, you can kind of suss out when your friend’s not ready to hear it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: So you’re kind of like, you kind of.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: You kind of have to gauge it.

ALEX COOPER: And then you’re like, are we going to get in a fight?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Right.

ALEX COOPER: Because I’m, technically, it would be overstepping and some people would be like, no, you have to tell them. But it’s like, you know, sometimes if you found out some shit, you’re like, I actually could tell her, but she’s not in her right mind.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Right.

ALEX COOPER: She’s just going to get pissed at me.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: So you almost have to kind of just be there for a friend.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: And kind of, we said with the themes in the show of if you go at them and you judge them, then they’re going to alienate themselves and then they won’t come to you the next time.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Exactly. Which is really dangerous too. And you don’t want to. There’s been so many situations where that friend does open up and go there with you with shitting on the guy or breaking up with them and then they get back together and you’re face to face and you have to. That’s tricky.

ALEX COOPER: It’s so hard. And you’re like.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: So I think there’s a way to do it in a tame, supportive way. Yeah. That’s.

ALEX COOPER: Because at the end of the day.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It’s not your life exactly.

ALEX COOPER: It’s your friend’s life. And so you can be there, but.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: You’re also, you don’t listen to people. Advice is a very ethereal comfort thing. It’s not, people don’t take it literally unless it’s technique. Unless it’s, people rarely take advice.

ALEX COOPER: I agree. Unless it’s not so personal. Yes. Right.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: It’s almost like if you can get, work wise, if you have something that is tangible that is like, oh, this is going to help you get the raise or this is going to help you get the job, whatever it be. People are like, oh, I’m going to try it. Yes. But when it involves someone mental, personal thing.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: In the moment, they could be like, that’s literally genius. Yes. And then they get home and they’re like, wait, I can’t do that. Yeah.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: They’re like, I’m going to text them. Yeah. Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: You’re like, yeah, exactly. You also can’t take it too personal when you’re a friend like that. I agree. Where it’s like, give the advice if it feels right in the moment, don’t overstep, but also expect nothing.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Totally, totally.

We have kind of an overlapping fun story because we met both of our partners on Zoom.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, my God.

ALEX COOPER: I met my husband on Zoom. A work Zoom. You met Jackson on a Zoom?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: Okay, tell me about your first Zoom, because most people, you guys would think it’s not so sexy. And I remember when I told my story, people were like, Zoom. And I’m like, yeah, it really went down on a Zoom.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Wait, I need to hear your story, because I bet mine’s the opposite of yours.

ALEX COOPER: Okay, I got on a Zoom, and there were multiple people on it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Okay.

ALEX COOPER: I was meeting with my husband’s production company at the time, and he was late. I’m on the call. And everyone on the call was fans of Call Her Daddy. So they were mentioning episodes to me, and vibes were great.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: And then Matt got on, and he comes in as just the producer that’s, oh, I don’t know much about your show. Tell me about your show. And I’m immediately, that’s—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I need his validation.

ALEX COOPER: I’m like, why is this so f*ed up that I’m like, oh, my God, it’s so hot. You don’t know who I am. Love this. Totally. And then the whole Zoom, I’m staring at his Zoom box. I’m looking at no one else. And you pinned it. Yeah, I’m staring directly in his eyes. He has no idea. He’s on his phone, not paying attention. No. But I’m watching him and I’m like, wow, he’s really hot. I’m attracted to this guy.

And then afterwards, he emailed me just being like, are we making this TV show or what? Let me know if you’re ever in LA. I was like, oh, I’m going to be in LA next week. And then we went and got dinner, and the rest was history.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Was it instantly romantic vibe or did you kind of weasel your way?

ALEX COOPER: I was like, I’m on a date. Okay. So the show. And then finally, he was the person that actually gave me the advice where he was like, can I be honest? I really don’t think you should make this TV show right now. It feels like this is not the right time in your career.

And every other producer had been like, let’s make it tomorrow and sell, dollar signs. And I was like, wow, that was very attractive that he wasn’t just trying to use it, like it would be a benefit to him. And then I was like, okay, well, if we’re not making the show, let’s turn this into a date. And he was like, okay.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, my God.

ALEX COOPER: And then it just—so I was pretty forward because I just felt it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: And I never usually was like that in relationships, but you knew. Okay, what was your Zoom like?

Meeting Jackson on Zoom

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I didn’t like Jackson, stop. No, we talk about this all the time. That’s—because I had done a bunch of Zoom chemistry reads because it was still Covid-y. So it was all on Zoom the first round.

ALEX COOPER: Wait, so this is for Tell Me Lies?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: And you have the job.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I have the job. And I’m in the—we’re in the process of Zooming with guys and reading scenes with them. And Jackson, I had heard, was the favorite. So I’m excited for his thing. And he gets on, and I just—I’ve told him this, that I’m like, oh, this is a serious actor, actory actor.

So I was just like, God, but he was so good. And I was like, all right, it’s fine. Maybe we won’t get along. But he’s perfect for the part, and he’s so talented and great. And so I was—it was half really excited that we found the Steven, but the other, I was just kind of rolled my eyes a little bit.

ALEX COOPER: And then.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: And then we met in person for the next round, and he was—it was a completely different energy. And he just told me he was really nervous for the Zoom. And now I know him so well, and I know that part of him, and I’m like, oh, that’s what I was seeing. But it really took me to meet him in person to be like, this guy’s the best.

ALEX COOPER: So you’re about to do a job together?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: But then you start dating before the job starts.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: You start dating before the job.

ALEX COOPER: Who makes the first move? How do you guys decide to even go on a date?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: We had some mutual friends that—I was so in the zone of the show and being so excited about doing it and finding the guy and just, it was just something I was really excited about. So my brain was very Tell Me Lies. And I kept thinking about him, and I couldn’t tell if it was—I couldn’t tell yet. I couldn’t tell if it was a crush or a career exciting thing.

And then I remember hearing my friend’s boyfriend was working with him on another movie, and we decided after they finished that movie, we were all going to have dinner or something. And so we all had dinner, and it was just instantly we vibed instantly, and it was kind of—we were both, we both have a crush on each other. This is probably the worst thing that could happen.

And we sat on a stoop for, I think, six hours and talked about every reason why we should not act on this. And then I kissed him.

ALEX COOPER: You’re like, so with all that said.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: All that said, come here.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah. So then no one knew you guys were first seeing each other?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No, no one knew.

ALEX COOPER: We were like.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: And we didn’t—we weren’t, let’s—we need to keep this secret. But we were like, we don’t have to flaunt it. We don’t have to. But we also saw it as a fun game. How long can we go without people realizing?

ALEX COOPER: And so how did people find out?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I mean, it was pretty quick. It was just the cast knew pretty immediately because we would all hang out to get to know each other and—

ALEX COOPER: And they’re like, why do you guys feel like you guys know each other and you—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. What are you talking about? So they knew right away, and then people just caught on. There was never—it, but okay.

ALEX COOPER: Love.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

Working Together as a Couple

ALEX COOPER: How did you—because I think this is something people are always so fascinated with me being like, what—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: How the—

ALEX COOPER: Do you work with your husband and like it. Actually, for me, I’m always like, I know this sounds maybe weird, but it’s the easiest part of my job because—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Completely agree.

ALEX COOPER: I was going to ask, what conversations did you and Jackson have in going into, we’re working together, we’re seeing each other. How are we going to make this work?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I actually don’t know if we had any initial conversation. I think it was very—because it was so early on, I think it was very, let’s just see how this goes. And it just happened very naturally, that it just—we found our groove in it and we were able to be professional and then also just have the best time together. And yeah, and I completely agree. It’s the best part of the job is being able to do it with him.

ALEX COOPER: What do you think is the most difficult scene that you guys have had to shoot together?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I mean, honestly, anytime he’s being a dick, which is most of the time, I’m like, you’re a little too good at that. I’m like, can you come here for a second? Why were you so good at that? That’s—you’re really good at that.

ALEX COOPER: That’s so real. I’m wondering, because, you know when you have a dream, I don’t know if this ever happened to you, but sometimes I’ll have a dream that something happened with Matt, and then I wake up.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: You wake up fully pissed, and I’m—

ALEX COOPER: Like, wait, why am I mad at him?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: Does that ever happen with you where he’s playing so good that you’re like, am I mad at you or am I mad at Steve? But you’re Steven and you’re going home at night together, and you’re like—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: You were really mean today. Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: It’s real.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No. Thankfully, I can separate Steven from Jackson. But I do have the dream thing 1000%.

ALEX COOPER: Will you—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: If I have a dream that he cheated on me, I will—I wake up and he cheated on me.

ALEX COOPER: I’m like, I wonder—for sure mad, bring me coffee. He’s like, what do you mean? I’m like, you—oh, f*. I know it was a dream, but I still am angry. He’s like, why? I know it’s such a real—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Do you dream really vividly? Oh, yeah, same.

ALEX COOPER: I think that’s why I pick up on my dreams the next night. I tap back into—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I do the same thing.

ALEX COOPER: It’s like a show.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: And it feels so—feels so real beyond my dreams. Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Okay. There’s a lot of sex in the show, obviously.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

Navigating Intimacy on Screen

ALEX COOPER: Talk to me about how when you kind of knew that this was something that came with the show, how did you feel about it? Was there any part that was hesitant? Did you tell your family? Were they chill? Because it’s a lot.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It’s a lot. I remember it’s not the first time I had been naked in anything. So it wasn’t like, it didn’t feel like this first scary thing. It was scary for a million different reasons. But the most important thing to me when there’s nudity or sex stuff is that it’s just necessary to story and to the character.

And I felt like this really was. It’s such a specific thing being, for Lucy, sexually awakened for the first time and being obsessed with the guy who changed her life sexually and not being able to get that out of her brain. That is a very relatable thing. And I couldn’t imagine telling that story without sex in it.

It’s seeing the power dynamics change through it and getting that false validation from it. Getting so many things. I feel like it was necessary to tell the story. So in that way, I felt safe.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Doing it.

ALEX COOPER: But a great point. I agree. I think there’s been shows that I’ve watched that I’m like, this feels forced.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: And I agree with you. I think so much of it, again, why it is so relatable. It’s like, I have experienced that where as a woman, you’re trying to navigate, should I sleep with him now? Should I sleep with him when? And how will that impact the power? And it’s just such a mind f*. And we watch you handle that so well.

So I agree with you. Obviously, I think there’s the natural question that everyone always has of, how does playing this character with your boyfriend and having these sex scenes in a show, is it hot and steamy? Which, I mean, I’ll let you answer for yourself.

The Reality of Filming Intimate Scenes

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No, it’s a very common misconception to think that it’s hot because it could not be less sexy to me, for me, at least. Filming those scenes are the most technical choreographed. There’s intimacy coordinators there. There’s the directors, the show. There’s so many people around. It has to be planned legally. So it’s very hard to enjoy yourself in those moments.

ALEX COOPER: I was thinking about that when I was going to ask you that, because I was knowing that that’s what happens on sets, which I get it. For most consumers, they don’t understand that where it’s like, there’s sometimes 20 people in a room or five or 50. It depends on what the shoot is. And it’s so not about the sex. It’s so about, can you lift up your right leg more so you can see?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Okay. Yeah. Your arm.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Can you move your arm a little bit so you can’t see your nipple? It’s all that. And then you’ll turn your head and you’ll see a guy holding a boom. And you’re like, what? This is so weird. This is so weird.

And you’re so, I mean, for me, I just completely disassociate those scenes. I feel so out of body. I don’t know what I do in those scenes because I’m like, is it…

ALEX COOPER: Easier to do it with Jackson, or would it almost be easier to do it with just a random?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No, it’s so much easier because you feel comfortable. So much of the weirdness is not knowing the guy you have to do that with. And it’s just, it makes it so much safer and comfortable, at least.

ALEX COOPER: What is the most awkward moment that you guys have had on set together? Me and Jackson?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I don’t know if we’ve had an awkward moment. I made him laugh, which Jackson is, he does not break. You cannot break him when he’s in the zone. And I made him laugh this season, and I will wear it on my chest for the rest of my life.

ALEX COOPER: You’re at dinner, you’re like, remember when I made you laugh?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I literally take so much pride in it that I broke him. So that was great.

The ADR Experience

ALEX COOPER: Can you tell me about this ADR situation we were talking about before we started filming? So, obviously, because of the amount of sex scenes.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yep.

ALEX COOPER: There’s going to have to be. Or you explain it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. So normally after you finish a show or movie, you go in to do ADR, which is plugging in sounds that maybe the sound got messed up or whatever it is. There’s some interference with the sound. And with all these sex scenes, I’ve had to ADR sex scenes multiple times, and that is the most awkward thing I think. That is worse than shooting the sex scene, kissing your hand or moaning.

ALEX COOPER: Dude, you are putting us on your back.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I’m literally like, can anybody else? No one knows what my kissing sound sounds like. Can somebody else do this?

ALEX COOPER: They’re like, Grace, get in the booth. Honestly, thank you. Because it seems so real. But now hearing you do that, I’m never going to undo that. That’s amazing.

Best Qualities as Partners

ALEX COOPER: What would you say your best quality is as a partner?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I think support. I think I’m really supportive and I’m so excited for him about everything, and I think I just, it’s one of my favorite things to do. So get excited for him and support whatever he’s doing.

ALEX COOPER: What is his best quality?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: He’s a really good listener and really eases my anxiety on a lot of things. He’s a very calm, grounded presence, and it makes me feel really at ease. Yeah.

Secrets Game: The Pajama Set Obsession

ALEX COOPER: Okay, we’re going to play a game.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Okay.

ALEX COOPER: There are obviously a lot of secrets in Tell Me Lies, so today we’re going to learn some of yours. Okay. What is a secret obsession of yours that people would be shocked by?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Secret obsession. This is a new one. I’m obsessed with pajama sets.

ALEX COOPER: Like, sexy or…

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, he did a video of me last night because I started getting in this. I don’t know if this is an OCD thing that’s begun or a ritual.

ALEX COOPER: Like a ritual.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: A ritual or superstition. I don’t know. I’ve made this up. But recently, the past year, if I have something to do the next day, like a first day of something of work or whatever, or a big day of press or whatever, I feel like I have to wear a pajama set or else it’s going to be really bad.

ALEX COOPER: Did you put on this pajama set because you knew were coming on?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Call Her Daddy. Wait.

ALEX COOPER: After you have tried out on new. What does it look like?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I tried on a new one last night that I’ve never worn, but I ordered online, and I looked like a 1930s jester.

ALEX COOPER: And so you’re just trying out new PJ sets left and right? Trying out not to match?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No, none. Literally, none of them are sexy. They’re either a long nightgown or just a cozy set, top and bottom. But last night was really, I had to change. I had to change because I’m like, this almost, I think this might give me bad luck. There was weird cinching happening that I felt like my arms were getting cut off.

Yeah, no, but I’ll get the video from you. Because he’s like, what? He was like, did you miss clown school?

ALEX COOPER: Or thinking of you being like, okay, I’m going on Call Her Daddy tomorrow. What should I do? And you’re putting this on. He’s like, you look like an actual clown. Take it off.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It’s literally red, white—no, red and navy stripes with almost like a bib thing. It looked so cute online. And I got them for my sisters, so now we all have them.

And I remember actually thinking when I gave them to them, I think they must have worn them, and I was like, do you like your pajamas? And I remember kind of not loving their response, and they were like, yeah, they’re cute. And now I know why. I put them on last night and I was like, this is actually heinous. Goodbye.

ALEX COOPER: Goodbye. Okay, see that? We needed to know these things. Okay, what’s the worst lie you ever told to get out of plans?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: You know, I feel like when I was younger, I would really try and come up with an excuse out of not wanting to hurt people’s feelings. But I really take pride in just telling the truth now.

I love canceling plans and saying I’m really tired, or I don’t want to leave my house. I’m trying to do that as much as possible.

ALEX COOPER: I actually respect that more than when you get the text. It’s like, okay, yeah, my grandmother. I’m like, wait, you said she died, right? Well, she’s back, right? And then you go on this long tangent. You’re like, just tell me you don’t want to come, or you can’t come.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes. Okay. So that’s what I try and do.

ALEX COOPER: What’s a childhood secret you never told your parents?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I actually just let one secret out that I kept. I got a tattoo, and I mean, so long ago. And I never told my parents.

And we were on vacation last summer, and I had a couple drinks, and I was like, guys, look. And I flip because I got it in my lips. What does it say? It says 99. And it’s for my grandpa. It was a grandpa thing.

And I was drunk and thought that my mom would love it because it’s for her dad. And they were like, what? What? Because they thought I’ve had no tattoos, and I let it slip that I do, and they freaked out. They freaked out, but now they think it’s inside your lips.

ALEX COOPER: You can’t see it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It’s like, see no other tattoo. I have a little spider here.

ALEX COOPER: When did you get that?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I got it with Jackson on my birthday, two years ago, maybe almost three years ago.

ALEX COOPER: When is your birthday?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: November 21st.

ALEX COOPER: Are you into your horoscope or—

GRACE VAN PATTEN: No, I’m into it. I don’t know a lot about it, but I’m down for it. Scorpio. Scorpio. Score. Oh, see, that’s the face I always get.

ALEX COOPER: Well, I dated, I think, a Scorpio man, and I don’t know any Scorpio men.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: What are they? Scary.

ALEX COOPER: What is Jackson?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Pisces.

ALEX COOPER: Oh, that’s good.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. Yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Scorpio men. They’ll f* you up mental.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Mental games. Scary.

ALEX COOPER: Yeah, scary. But, you know, I think women are great. A lot of my friends are Scorpio, so I love them.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Okay, good.

ALEX COOPER: So you’re totally good.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I’m in. Okay.

Playing Amanda Knox

ALEX COOPER: Okay. Let’s talk about the twisted tale of Amanda Knox. Do it. I will never forget the day I interviewed her. Oh, my God. Yes, I know. I met her. Oh, my God.

This was years ago, and it was before I even had video podcasting. She came to my house, her husband came, they brought their child, and I met her, and I was just like, I need to know everything. She just has, and she’ll tell you. I know she’ll tell you everything, and she’s such an open book.

Talk to me about how rewarding it was to play this character.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It was amazing. It really feels like the most important thing I’ve ever done and ever will do. Just being able to help somebody tell their story in their own way is so, just so cool. And I’m so, so honored that I got to be a part of it.

ALEX COOPER: Is it true that you have said throughout your career you always wanted to play her?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yes.

ALEX COOPER: What drew you to it?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I remember watching the documentary, the Netflix one, in 2015 or 16, whenever that came out. And I just remember watching her and being like, I want—this person is so fascinating.

Yes, the story is crazy, and I can’t believe the story and the details of it, but I thought she was just so interesting, and I couldn’t get a—I couldn’t quite get a full grasp on her, and I just wanted to know more. So that intrigued me.

ALEX COOPER: No, you were incredible. And I think you did such a great job of making your own while also staying true to Amanda and the integrity of her story. How much time did you get to spend with Amanda?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Pre-shooting, I found out I got the job and then I had two months. Okay. So that was—those two months were crammed in with a lot of learning Italian and talking to her as much as I could. But throughout the whole shoot, I was talking to her pretty frequently.

ALEX COOPER: Amazing.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Because she was—I mean, you’ve met her. She’s so open and so vulnerable. I felt like if I had a question at any moment, I could just text her and call her, and she was just so there.

Tell Me Lies Season Three

ALEX COOPER: Then after this, we are going back to Tell Me Lies because season three then is going to come out. I know you can’t say anything, but to wrap up number one. So you filmed everything so you know what the finale is. You’re sitting in my presence with this knowledge.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I wish I could tell you.

ALEX COOPER: I feel like the cast, I feel like I’ve seen in the past always has tried to predict or bet on what they think is going to happen.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Oh, yeah.

ALEX COOPER: Did you guys bet on anything for this season? And did anyone get it right?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Honestly? No.

ALEX COOPER: Okay. No, that scares me there.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Yeah. There are some things that I really, really did not see coming.

ALEX COOPER: Okay, last question then. Can you describe season three Tell Me Lies in three words?

GRACE VAN PATTEN: It’s f*ing chaotic.

ALEX COOPER: It’s perfect. F*ing chaotic. Bye, dude. Thank you so much for coming.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Thank you.

ALEX COOPER: So fun to meet you. I’m so excited to see what you continue to do. You’re so talented. You have so much, obviously, that’s coming, and I’m just a fan, so I’m really excited to watch your career.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: I’m such a fan of you. I’m so happy we got to do this.

ALEX COOPER: This was really good.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Thank you. I’m—it’s so crazy.

ALEX COOPER: You did it. You sat in the chair.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: Because I’m—I’ve watched this so many times.

ALEX COOPER: You did it.

GRACE VAN PATTEN: So crazy. You did it.

Related Posts

• Transcript of Nara Smith Interview: Call Her Daddy Podcast
• Transcript of Pop Base Interview: w/ Cherien Dabis on All That’s Left Of You
• Transcript of Actor Tim Robbins Interview: Joe Rogan Experience #2532
• Transcript of Paul Wesley Interview: Call Her Daddy Podcast
• Transcript of Madonna Interview: Howard Stern Show