Marisa Peer is a world renowned speaker, Rapid Transformational Therapy trainer and best-selling author. Following is the full transcript of Marisa’s talk titled “Reprogram Your Mind Through Affirmations” at Mindvalley University, Tallinn 2018. In this talk, she talks about the power of words and how important the language of the mind is to our well-being.
Marisa Peer – TRANSCRIPT
I’ve been a therapist for 33 years and I really do understand language patterns but I also have a great belief that you cannot fix what you don’t understand. You certainly can’t heal what you don’t feel.
So what I’m going to do with you today is I’m going to take you first through the rules of the mind. They’re my rules of the mind. I made them up but I made them up over 33 years and somebody said to me once, “Well, who are you to make this up?”
I went, “Well, someone’s got to do it.”
RULES OF THE MIND
I think 33 years of working with royalty and Olympic athletes gives me the right to say these are the rules of the mind and if ever you’re stuck with a client, stuck with a child, stuck with an adult that needs some help and you think, “Oh, I want to do,” take them through the rules of the mind because it actually blows their mind.
They go, “And I never knew that. I didn’t understand that.”
And we will come out of the rows of the mind to language patterns.
Now I’ve given you the slides on language patterns that are really for young children, but they also are very effective for adults. So let’s do a quick little language thing right now.
I want you to close your eyes and I want you to go, “I’m going to try to remember these rules of the mind. I’m going to try so hard to memorize it. If only I could memorize that document. I wish I had a better memory. I hope I can remember that when I’m working with my own client. I really hope I can do what she does. I wish I could do it. I hope to do it. I’m going to try to do it. I really want to do it.”
And just focus on how you feel when you use the word wish, which is wishy-washy. I don’t like wish. Wishing says do your mind. You haven’t got a prayer, but you might as well wish. Because wishing just says you’re not going to do that.
No one says, “I wish I could get up in the morning and clean my teeth. I wish I could pick up that pencil and write a note.”
You don’t say wish. You go, “I’m doing it.”
So when you say to the mind, “I wish I could,” it says, “Yeah, me to get over it.”
When you say to the mind, “I hope I get this right.” It goes, “Yeah, well, keep hoping because you aren’t going to do that.”
When you go, “If only am I, because you never managed it before. So keep on with your phonely, why don’t you?”
But when you do it differently, close your eyes again and go, “I will memorize this.” It’s going in. I have a phenomenal memory. My memory is awesome. I read things and they empower me and they stick. I am remembering it all. I do this. I got it.
I have a phenomenal memory. I have incredible powers of recall and assimilation and I remember everything. It has a totally different effect. And so you learn with language.
I never let my clients say wish. I won’t allow them to say the word, “but.” “I could do that but…” No, we never say but.
And we also never say should. My therapist said to me, excuse me, swearing should is shit and never use that word. “I should.” I say I could. I should go to the gym. I could go to the gym, but I know it’s my fault I’m not making the effort.
So with young children, just changing one word would change their life. Let me give an example.
My little girl would go to school and she’d get to the gate and she’d come back and I’d always say, “What have you remembered?” Could have said, “What have you forgotten?”
There’s only two words. What have you remembered? She goes, “I’ve remembered my swimming kit. I remembered my book. I remembered my bag.”
I go, “That’s fantastic. You have such a great memory that when you get to the gate you remember and back you come.”
And very quickly she didn’t have to come back because I never said, “What have you forgotten today?”
Oh, my God, your mind is like a sieve. What’s wrong with you? You get to the gate, and I never do that, and you forget. Why can’t you be like me? I have my little bag by the door. I have everything the night before and I never did… I said, “What have you remembered?” So here’s just one word.
And my clients really taught me the power of words because I’d see the one who’d come to go, “I wish I could do that.”
“Oh, thanks, Marisa, for all this. I could do that but… I know I ought to do that and I should, but…”
And so I started banning words. I said when you come in this office, you are not allowed to go “wish, but, hope.” I work a lot with infertile women and the ones who don’t get pregnant always say that I wish I could get pregnant.
And then when they get it, they say, “I’m so scared of losing it. I’m not going to tell anyone just in case I lose it.”
I’m like, “Well, but what are you saying to your baby? It’s in the womb, the most developed sense is hearing. I’m not even going to tell anyone you’re here because I have no faith you’re going to make it.”
I go, how about sending the scans out to your parents? And showing them this is my baby. It’s staying. My body made it. My body is so super smart. My body’s going to carry this baby to full term.
This is my one chance in the world to be God. I’m making a miracle here and my body is growing that baby physically and I’m growing and nurturing that baby emotionally and every day.
I tell it today, your spine is forming. This week, your mouth and lips are forming and your ears are forming and it sends a message to the brain that goes, “This is working.”